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Calming aspie induced upset down?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Chris
  • Start date Start date
C

Chris

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I'm not sure if there are any people that actually aren't aspies on here, but I see no reason why you couldn't answer.

If someone with AS is distressed due to AS - e.g. their routine has changed dramatically, or lacking, what is the best way to calm them down? I find staying with someone and constant reassurance that they're okay seems to work quite well.
 
Chris said:
I'm not sure if there are any people that actually aren't aspies on here, but I see no reason why you couldn't answer.

If someone with AS is distressed due to AS - e.g. their routine has changed dramatically, or lacking, what is the best way to calm them down? I find staying with someone and constant reassurance that they're okay seems to work quite well.
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Best way is to try make them back on the path of rutines. Take their focus away from the "bad situation" and back into the track of whatever you were doing before.

Trying to talk the AS person out of the situations is very often a bad thing. The AS person often gets more upset due to not takeing in the talking since they are focused on the broken routine.
 
I don't really stress out or freak out in the sort of situations I am uncomfortable in. I just tend to get tense and become even more monosyllabic than usual in my responses to people. Or corner some poor soul that I feel comfortable with and spend the entire time talking to them. I used to drink too much at a social gathering or bar or whatever - but I found that it didn't have the effect of being a social lubricant at all.
 
When I'm upset the last thing I need is someone trying to calm me down. No offence.
It's a lot easier for me to rationalise the situation in my head rather than have someone asking and telling me, 'Why are you upset?', 'Oh don't worry', 'Oh, it's all going to be fine', etc. because that doesn't help.
I'm also hypersensitive when I'm upset or stressed, so someone hugging me or w.e will probably make me literally run away from them. I also find people just annoying when I'm upset, like, 'gtfo out of my face' annoying.
EMZ=]
 
Emor said:
When I'm upset the last thing I need is someone trying to calm me down. No offence.
It's a lot easier for me to rationalise the situation in my head rather than have someone asking and telling me, 'Why are you upset?', 'Oh don't worry', 'Oh, it's all going to be fine', etc. because that doesn't help.
I'm also hypersensitive when I'm upset or stressed, so someone hugging me or w.e will probably make me literally run away from them. I also find people just annoying when I'm upset, like, 'gtfo out of my face' annoying.
EMZ=]
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Uhm...I think the best way for people to calm me down is to first try and stop me from doing what I'm doing. If I'm really stressed out or upset I'll usually be contemplating suicide and banging my head against things to hurt myself. I think that friends should just kind of. Actually I really don't know. I was going to say that you should reassure them everything's fine.

But in school people would tell me to calm down and I'd just start punching stuff even harder.

Well. This post hasn't turned out to be very useful :lol:
 
While I'm angry/upset I can still think rationally(only sensory-overload when I can't, and if you try and talk to me then you're just going to be ignored or physically pushed away), so trying to rationalise the situation doesn't work.
Usually when I do something violent it's premeditated though, and only to get someone to stop doing something, or to show how angry I am(even though it's sort of faked).
When I'm actually angry I'll kick a wall or something.
When I'm upset I'll go to the toilets or wherever, somewhere alone, and think about it until I'm good.
EMZ=]
 
The last thing I need to be told during my meltdown is "calm down" that just makes it worse. My husband has difficulty leaving me be when I am real upset because it's not natural for him to just ignore it and wait till I am calm. He does make it worse though.

When I am too upset, even being logical doesn't work. It's just harder to listen when I am so upset.

I would rather have things go my way but that isn't the best option. I just do my own thing and let them do what they want.
 
If you're supplying input to him, stop. If someone else is, look for ways to run interference for a bit.

If he's doing something that you need him to finish doing, let him know that he can continue when he's ready, and that you're not expecting perfection.
 
people tell me to calm down or think they can threaten me with things to make me calm down

telling me to calm down and threaten me with things if i do not calm down is a guarantee of being a fight

these mental health places think threatening you is the way to make you calm down and then you are a violent psycho because threats make the problem worse
 
Hmm...I would think that the best way to calm someone down who's an Aspie would be to agree with them if it is possible because than it would kinda become fun, than after they're calm to try to rationalize what was said. But for other issues, good luck. :blink: lol
 
I guess the best thing you can do is to just lend an ear and give them someone to talk to. I agree with the don't tell them to calm down etc.. just give them someone to vent to.
 
I, like LG, hate it when people think I can calm down just because they tell me to.


I often need pills to calm me down, to be honest.


I am not a routine person, but if I am really into something that needs a lot of concentration I know that if something breaks the concentration I'll lose my train of thought and have to start all over again. Then I have a meltdown because of that.
 
My boyfriend needs to just go away when I get upset, he ends up becoming a verbal punching bag and then I feel worse for being mean to him. I'd rather he just go away and let me chill out by myself.
 
*Nods*, but in some cases, Aspergerian frustration does quell itself and translates into serenity after the tempest. Countless things can frustrate (mock) the Aspie, whether planned or not. A little quivering played upon the dew of little things, against the intensely self-preserving but fragile ego, is what constitutes the acute Aspie. The easiest, most effective way to handle it is to dwell in relative solitude, having little to intersect with the routines of others. If that doesn't help for the more social/extroverted Aspie, then Chris' idea is most effective.
 
Chris said:
I'm not sure if there are any people that actually aren't aspies on here, but I see no reason why you couldn't answer.

If someone with AS is distressed due to AS - e.g. their routine has changed dramatically, or lacking, what is the best way to calm them down? I find staying with someone and constant reassurance that they're okay seems to work quite well.
Click to expand...
Colouring a shape,watching a cat eat ,blackbirds singing ,starlings singing ,lying nearly completely flat
 
Chris said:
If someone with AS is distressed due to AS - e.g. their routine has changed dramatically, or lacking, what is the best way to calm them down? I find staying with someone and constant reassurance that they're okay seems to work quite well.
Click to expand...

In the event of a shutdown or meltdown, IMO intervening at all is one of the worst things you can do.

That it's something we must come out of without any aid from others. Something often quite difficult for NTs to comprehend. Where perhaps the best course of action is to be silent, but still be there for them when it's over.
 
Mh, I don't think somebody could "Help" me in such a situation. The best thing to be would probably be passive. Just be there. In the same room. Don't talk, don't touch, just bee there until I calm down so far I want to sit close to someonee or need touch or a hug or start talking again.
But I wouldn't expect this from anyone, as I can imagine it is hard for the other person.
Both my exes were very angry with me during such moments (and threatened to breake up) as they thought I was being manipulative.
 
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