Can a life-and-soul-of-the-party be autistic?

[Emmz]

A friend (one of very few who knows my diagnosis) recently announced that she has also been diagnosed as autistic. She was obviously expecting that this would lead to a sense of solidarity between us, but in fact we seem to have fallen out over it.

The problem is I just can’t bring myself to believe it. She’s very outgoing, popular and very much the life-and-soul-of-the-party, whereas I am the complete opposite. I know she has had serious mental health problems in the past (she’s bipolar), and obviously I don’t know everything about her (although she’s always been pretty open with me). But to me it feels like me grazing my knee then telling somebody in a wheelchair that I know what it’s like to be physically disabled.

As examples of autistic traits, she says she always buys identical underwear, and has IBS-type symptoms. She claims she can be socially inappropriate and “put her foot in it”, although I’ve known her for several years and never noticed this particularly (I have another friend whom I definitely would describe as inappropriate, so it’s not the case that I’m not able to pick up on it).

My friend works with autistic students and has an autistic partner, so considers herself to be an expert on the condition. She appears to have had a professional diagnosis, so I presume this must have been based on more than her choice of underwear! But I can’t help feeling that THE key autistic trait is social problems, so if somebody is diagnosed without any obvious issues in this area, this must be an example of over-diagnosis.

I'd be interested to hear what people think.

 

[Judge]

“But She’s Too Social To Be Autistic” – WRONG! | Organization for Autism Research

 

[Autistamatic]

There are some VERY gregarious Autistics out there! Many, maybe most of us are quite reserved and socially awkward, but if we channel a significant proportion of our "spoons" into being social we can be total party animals

 

[Isadoorian]

There are some VERY gregarious Autistics out there! Many, maybe most of us are quite reserved and socially awkward, but if we channel a significant proportion of our "spoons" into being social we can be total party animals

Also, if anyone's confused about what Autistamatic's referring to when he says "but if we channel a significant proportion of our "Spoons"", he's meaning the Spoon Theory.

Spoon theory - Wikipedia

 

[tree]

Spoons that are the life of the party

 

[Gracey]

If she can observe a ‘life and soul’ of a party and then mimic exactly what she’s observed,
(Listen closely to hear if her accent changes slightly too)

Then there’s a chance she may be autistic.

Does she need time to ‘recharge’?

Do you spend enough time with her to know what goes on ‘behind closed doors’ so to speak.

I listened to something recently and jokingly, the speaker said some women on the spectrum would make perfect spies

If someone were to ask me right now to list my aspie traits, I too would probably come out with something non- textbook like underwear.

If I had a day or two to think about it and get a list organised I could offer more in the way of what you might expect to hear.

 

[BraidedPony]

From the outside it looks as if your friend doesn’t suffer as much or in the same ways as you. But, you never know what someone is dealing with and what pain they are hiding behind their smile.
We are all different. I hope you can mend your friendship.

 

[Otenba]

I can't see why not, especially when you factor the whole "spectrum" thing with anyone being autistic. It is a very individual thing. Her other conditions possibly play a part in her differences too compared to you. I hope you can work things out and go back to being friends again. Maybe ask to see her diagnosis paperwork if she doesn't mind if you doubt that her diagnosis is true. Best wishes.

 

[Ginseng]

It is very painful to have someone question your autism. I can do some seemingly outgoing things at times. I can be fun and funny. A lot depends on my energy level and health and how things are going in my life at the moment that might be draining my spoons, But autism is far more than that.

Because she can do that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have some major struggles and it doesn’t mean she can always do those things. I can’t do a lot of things I used to push myself to do, well I had to push myself as a single parent. That’s to bad this had separated y’all. But having someone question your identity is pretty rough. I can vough for that.

 

[Nitro]

< extroverted autie here.

 

[Mia]

When I was younger I was very social. As was my now spouse and both of us are autistic. I think I partied socially until I was in my forties. In fact I found it easy, had things to say, was very much into fashion and people thought me enjoyable to be around. It doesn't take all that much to be that way, it's like a masquerade where you adopt certain styles, attitudes, and behaviors. Do all the clever things at the right times in the right places.

It did take some time to recover from though, sometimes days. Yet, the older I was, the more exhausting it became to interact socially. The clothes, makeup, hairstyles, the preparation took forever. I liked the dancing in clubs and discos and the wandering around the city with friends all hours of the day and night.

Think the extroversion can go away as it's a facade for some, a thing learned. That became tedious for me. Yet, at times it was enjoyable with some of the people I knew. Don't think that people are one thing, as in extroverted or introverted, I've been both in my life.

 

[Clueless in Canada]

I am an introvert but I can behave in an outgoing way if it seems required. I may even enjoy it. I am quite a good mimic, and I've spent my life learning how to function socially by observing. I tend to mirror people I am with so I will become more gregarious in conversation with someone who is gregarious. I can attend a party and play a role for a short time. But it is very hard and very exhausting. There are a few people who probably think I am an extrovert because they have only ever seen me in an environment where I am giving a short performance.

Shyness and introversion are not the same thing. Extroverts can be shy and introverts not shy. And as others have pointed out, not all autistics are introverted, or shy.

 

[BraidedPony]

If I have to go out and be sociable, I self medicate, I look like I’m having fun, then sleep for several days to recover. If someone else is driving, I’ll fall asleep in the car on the way home because I’m so exhausted.

 

[Fino]

I'm pretty sure I almost died several (or more) times partying.

I've stopped now, and I'm still as awkward as a horse in high-heels!

 

[Sherlock77]

Tonight on a winter evening that is "slightly" chilly, I went to a beat poetry event, admittedly I photographed the performance for my friend who runs the event... As I do lots of photography, most of the photography I do is street photography, and I sometimes take a stranger portrait of people I meet in public...

I'm not necessarily the "life of the party" but I do have a fairly public life, and I rather dislike spending too much time at home, mostly out doing photography and/or enjoying our local arts scene...

Despite what I just said, I would describe myself as primarily an introvert

 

[Progster]

Yes, it is possible to be extrovert and autistic. Autism isn't about whether you are an introvert or extrovert - that's personality - it's about how your autism interacts with your personality. Perhaps she was diagnosed at an early age, and since learned to fit in, mask her traits, but if she was officially diagnosed, then there must be a reason for it. I've been known to do some quite extroverted things too - in a conscious effort to fit in, or to overcome social anxiety, to mask or to compensate, often over-compensate in my case, but all acting, all a mask - not me, and with a permanent undercurrent of anxiety and feeling out of place.

I have a brother who my family now think is also on the spectrum. He's different to me: he likes socialising, loves talking to people. Loves jokes, loves talking about heavy metal. With him, he doesn't know when to stop, when he's gone too far with his jokes, or when people are getting annoyed by his talking about metal all the time, or when people are getting offended and increasingly upset by his political ideas (he has some strong opinions on controversial topics).

 

[Bolletje]

If I’m in a good mood (or if I’ve had a few drinks) I can be the absolute life of the party and be a social butterfly. It’s not impossible.

 

[Suzanne]

Although I am not official yet, already the "expert in autism" says that so far, I am coming through as ASD and when in the "right" company, I am known to liven up considerably ( but does feel surreal to me).

However, there are many ones who have to be better than another and so, do make up things to appear better.

I hear now: I have aspergers and autism. I seriously do not get how this is possible?

 

[Nauti]

I certainly used to be somewhat of "the life of the party". I was a vocalist and performed many, many gigs, at festivals, pubs, clubs, halls, street parties. I am also a wild dancer and was the type to be the first one out on the dance floor, an "ice breaker" of sorts. People tend to respond to my dancing, in very overt ways, it would inspire and cause others to "loosen up" as I was very uninhibited. People wouldn't, perhaps, know, that I would dance as a way to cover up my social awkwardness with the idea of having to make conversations quite frightening to me.

So being a performer was a way of maskung my autistic social ineptness.

My Autistic son is the kind of guy who will walk up to people in the street and start a conversation. He is huggy and extroverted, when not addictively gaming. His sibs have had to be consistent and persistent, in teaching him about boundaries around entering people's rooms, cornering people's friends and telling girls outright how attractive they are and that he likes them. He is so friendly and has no concept of ageism or not saying whatever's on his mind. He's a lot better at social appropriateness now, but it took a long time. He is 26.

 

[DiverseWonderland]

A friend (one of very few who knows my diagnosis) recently announced that she has also been diagnosed as autistic. She was obviously expecting that this would lead to a sense of solidarity between us, but in fact we seem to have fallen out over it.

The problem is I just can’t bring myself to believe it. She’s very outgoing, popular and very much the life-and-soul-of-the-party, whereas I am the complete opposite. I know she has had serious mental health problems in the past (she’s bipolar), and obviously I don’t know everything about her (although she’s always been pretty open with me). But to me it feels like me grazing my knee then telling somebody in a wheelchair that I know what it’s like to be physically disabled.

As examples of autistic traits, she says she always buys identical underwear, and has IBS-type symptoms. She claims she can be socially inappropriate and “put her foot in it”, although I’ve known her for several years and never noticed this particularly (I have another friend whom I definitely would describe as inappropriate, so it’s not the case that I’m not able to pick up on it).

My friend works with autistic students and has an autistic partner, so considers herself to be an expert on the condition. She appears to have had a professional diagnosis, so I presume this must have been based on more than her choice of underwear! But I can’t help feeling that THE key autistic trait is social problems, so if somebody is diagnosed without any obvious issues in this area, this must be an example of over-diagnosis.

I'd be interested to hear what people think.

People when autistic can be really Introverted or Really Extroverted so she is most likely just of the extroverted side of the coin, It is possible for someone with autism to be outgoing or energetic or social even though it isn't talked about as much, Don't forget that Autism is a Spectrum