Can Anyone Define "Friend"

[Antonio]

I think I want a friend but I'm not completely sure what the definition is. I hope it's not someone who makes small talk endlessly.

 

[Ste11aeres]

A friend is someone you love, who loves you.

As for details beyond that, well, almost endless variety is possible.

 

[Gomendosi]

I'm not completely sure what the definition is.

Nobody is really sure what makes a friend, you can not see or talk to a person for years and still consider them a friend if asked what your relationship is.

My own theory of friendship is this, family are people you are related to by blood, therefore you accept all facets of their nature and will put up with their idiosyncrasies more so than you do with anybody else, then there are people in your life that you also do this with but that are not related by blood and so you call these people, friends.
On down the scale would be acquaintances whereby you may accept their nature but cannot endure their idiosyncrasies perhaps.
Associates, with whom you tolerate their foibles but don't necessarily accept their nature. Lastly, enemies, with these people you obviously cant understand their nature and wont accept or even tolerate their quirks.

These last people we tend to avoid but strangely, it isn't unknown for the human animal to keep their enemies close for a number of reasons and so that may even be called friendship (of a type).

So I think the key here is acceptance and understanding, with family, you think you have to understand and accept the way they are, but with strangers you don't need to understand or make acceptations for, and everything in between those to opposites is up for determination, placement on a scale depending on length of exposure, possibly.
Usually feeling develops with length of time and exposure to that person, so if you spend a lot of time with them they may remain unchanged in your orbit or become friends or enemies depending on how tolerant you feel towards them and your understanding of them as a character.
Conversely you may meet somebody and instantly be attracted to them in a non sexual way leading to a deep and long lasting friendship, this may have something to do with biology, pheromones and such, leading back to a more primal time when people would form packs for safety and greater ability in hunting, which has led us to modern social structure and hierarchy...

Which as an Aspie I am not to familiar with, hence me having no friends, so I am not a good judge of what constitutes friendship and you may disregard my opinion LOL




PS; Humans tend to bond more rapidly over humour and if you can make somebody laugh it may be a good sign that a closer dynamic is called for ; ]

 

[snowmonkey]

For me, friendship is a relationship of mutual love and meeting of minds. I don't have that with acquaintances even if I find them tolerable. My friends do not drain me whereas even with "benevolent acquaintances" I find prolonged exposure draining. I often don't know exactly why I befriend someone, but often it's this magnetic attraction that is purely platonic and generally a love of the mind and soul. All of my friends have similar interests that we share. And I'd a thousand thousand times (not a typo!!!) would rather have a tiny handful of close friends I trust than many "shallow friendships" that most people have, which I consider to be nothing more than acquaintances. Friends are loyal, understanding, and give as well as take.

 

[wyverary]

"Friendship" means different things to different people. For some, it is a deeply fraternal bond. For others, it can be a little more superficial, between people who can share common interests, share the occasional jibe, and then you shake hands and part ways for a little while. I have had both, and while I certainly prefer the first, I rather like having the latter from time to time as well--not as involved, a little less work, not as much attachment, but you can still get much out of it. And, of course, there can be plenty of in-between. Friends often come and go, occasionally you lose one in a very painful way whether by death or falling-out or other circumstances, other times you just drift apart (as often happens with friendships that are formed earlier in life).

I will say: If you are looking for a friend, you will know when you have found one.

 

[paloftoon]

NTs in society use the word "friend" waaay too loosely. When they say "friend" they normally mean "acquaintance." Aspies desire those more personal relationships that NTs don't think about. NTs tend to be able to find more in common with themselves than us aspies, so they can be picky who they want to be with. Those kind of friends are the same ones that don't necessarily do a quality job at tasks either even though they can navigate the social world better than we can usually. It's not fair, but such is life We have to deal with it and find our own ways :/

 

[Maathematics]

I have a very socially adept NT friend who explained the concept to me recently.

Friends are tricky to make (apparently it is easier to get a person to sleep with you). Friends are acquaintances (people you know) who over time develop a bond with you through a mixture of common experiences, common likes and dislikes, and mutually shared inside jokes.
The sooner you can identify a persons core interests the better! you can then give them the occasional inexpensive yet meaningful gift (an example: if you learn they like hiking, get them a small useful object such as a small LED torch for their keychain). Try and use their body language and favourite words where appropriate (not to insult, rather to show openness and acceptance to them).

 

[CryptidUrsid]

I don't know what a friend is either. I currently don't have any. Socialization is so hard for me until I get to know a person.

 

[Antonio]

I have a very socially adept NT friend who explained the concept to me recently.

Friends are tricky to make (apparently it is easier to get a person to sleep with you). Friends are acquaintances (people you know) who over time develop a bond with you through a mixture of common experiences, common likes and dislikes, and mutually shared inside jokes.
The sooner you can identify a persons core interests the better! you can then give them the occasional inexpensive yet meaningful gift (an example: if you learn they like hiking, get them a small useful object such as a small LED torch for their keychain). Try and use their body language and favourite words where appropriate (not to insult, rather to show openness and acceptance to them).

This is great. Thanks!

 

[eddyr]

A friend is someone I can spend time with I guess and hold a conversation with. I often think to myself what is a friend but I realise I'm thinking about it too much.