Can anyone do crowds or the great outdoors?

[Calvert]

Just wondering if anyone on the forums here can do crowds and the great thing that's called outdoors? haha!

I was reading that many with AS can't. I don't really have a problem with outdoors and moderate crowds. However, if i'm in a restricted space (eg cinema, bar/club) I would always have a friend or my brother with me. I can do places like shopping centres easily if not too crowded but if i'm in a closed environment, I always have someone with me. Last year I managed to go to a lot of places, some of them I would never have dreamed about going a few years back. The most difficult place that I have conquered would be a bar, a night club and a music concert.

Now, let me be clear, I never drink at all and am a decent guy, but I do like to be in the company of others, sitting down and enjoying some music (there's a DJ). Most of my friends drink however they are all good minded people too. I'm probably the only person who goes to a bar that doesn't drink lol. Just to be there, having a chat (or really a listen to them chat) with friends and listening to music that I like gives me a good feeling inside. The night club was the scariest as it was basically a huge open dance floor with crowds of people. I was with 3-4 friends that night and managed to survive though and avoid a fight. I was also a bit nervous at the music concert, especially when I didn't see a guy standing drinking behind a door and I stormed through it - oops! But I had my brother and one friend with me which helped me get through. Even though I managed these places, I would never do them own my own as i'm not confident enough. Even with friends present, it can still be scary.

When i'm going outside (just to get out of the house) my brother would nearly always come with me. He is a very popular and sociable person so I get him to make the connections/meeting arrangements. I get along with his friends and they know I have AS but I don't talk much.

What about everyone else? What's your position with regards to going outside? Or do you spend most of your time in your bedroom (I still spend a lot too)?

 

[AdzPearson]

I generally don't go to pubs or bars with people, as I'll quickly get bored of just sitting around. I don't drink, so most of the appeal goes straight of the window for me. I'm also not good at just talking. That said, I will go to a pub if there's something to do (e.g. Pub Quiz).

Whenever I go out somewhere, I usually make sure there's something interesting to do. There are exceptions (e.g. just meeting up with people I haven't seen in ages), but I won't go anywhere if I feel it's going to be boring. I usually go out to watch anime at the university with other people and a pub quiz every Sunday evening.

Simply put; I like hanging around with people if there's something to keep me entertained.

 

[Emor]

I don't like going outside that much.
I go to the cinema on my own most Sundays, but I don't know if that really counts.
I've been to town a couple of times on my own too.
I don't really like hanging out with people, I only go out when I need to and not with other people.
I've been asked to go to town with these random people I don't know from school(I feel it's half mocking and half serious), and every Monday they complain that I didn't turn up on Saturday . I think one Saturday I might just turn up to see what they say xD. I seriously hate going to town and stuff with people though. It just slows down the entire process and when I'm in town it's not social, the main priority is to go in, get what I want, get out. XD.
EMZ=]

 

[Calvert]

It just slows down the entire process and when I'm in town it's not social, the main priority is to go in, get what I want, get out. XD.
EMZ=]

I can relate to that bit. There's been times when it was just me and my brother at the shops, then I get the unexpected word that a small crowd is meeting up with us. I'm thinking to myself Hellz no! Abort! Abort! Then there's other times that I could really do with the company but no-one can come out due to work/college or whatever.

 

[Chris]

Really interesting to hear about all this stuff, I can relate to it. I also don't drink. Ever - Thats down to me being a really fussy eater I think - I hate the taste of it. I have been drunk twice in my lifetime, I kind of like the sensation of false confidence. I'm generally quite and socially intraverted, but under the influence of alcohol I can talk for hours and most likely end up in a lot of fights.

 

[Calvert]

but under the influence of alcohol I can talk for hours and most likely end up in a lot of fights.

I was with a few friends at the bar once, they were casually talking to some randomers. One guy was talking a lot and really putting himself "out there". His friend said that without alcohol he rarely speaks a word! Maybe alcohol could help a lot of Aspies with the "asking out a girl" challenge that so many of us dread.

On more realistic thoughts - nah, there's no way I'm putting alcohol in my system. Dear knows what silly thing i'd end up doing. I bet my friends would have a right laugh though if I did. haha

 

[Emor]

I have really bad self-control and I'm paranoid I'd get addicted to alcohol if I started to drink it. I know there's only a 2% chance, but taking into consideration my family history(A LOT of my Mother's side were/are alcoholics) and as stated before a general lack of self-control, it'd seem those odds would increase.
I probably will anyway because of peer pressure or w.e. But meh. LOL.
EMZ=]

 

[Chris]

I was with a few friends at the bar once, they were casually talking to some randomers. One guy was talking a lot and really putting himself "out there". His friend said that without alcohol he rarely speaks a word! Maybe alcohol could help a lot of Aspies with the "asking out a girl" challenge that so many of us dread.

On more realistic thoughts - nah, there's no way I'm putting alcohol in my system. Dear knows what silly thing i'd end up doing. I bet my friends would have a right laugh though if I did. haha

Yes, my friends all found it very amusing. Luckily one time was just at somebody's house with a couple of people, and the other at a pub local to one of my friend's villages, where a few of us were celebrating her 17th birthday.

I have really bad self-control and I'm paranoid I'd get addicted to alcohol if I started to drink it. I know there's only a 2% chance, but taking into consideration my family history(A LOT of my Mother's side were/are alcoholics) and as stated before a general lack of self-control, it'd seem those odds would increase.
I probably will anyway because of peer pressure or w.e. But meh. LOL.
EMZ=]

I've beaten myself up plenty about the effects of alcohol.. I mean... with alcohol I can socialize and almost have 'normal' levels of confidence... which means the ability is there, i just can't access it! Hell, i'd probably be an alcoholic if everything didn't taste like watered-down piss.

Just thought i'd mention I've never touched drugs - 'proper' drugs, y'know... not including caffeine, alcohol. I imagine the sensation from drugs must be well... sensational for people to get addicted and repeat offend, otherwise they wouldn't do it. I just don't care for any of the harmful side effects or how easily i'd most likely get addicted.

 

[Emor]

I think I'm addicted to caffeine tbh. I have like, 2-5 cans of coke a day(the more I have, the crappier the days been).
I doubt I'd ever take narcotics unless they weren't addictive, because as I said, I have a pretty addictive personality and stuff xD.
EMZ=]

 

[Willow]

Answering the original question, and not the acohol/drugs theme, I don't do crowds on my own at all. But if I am with my Mum or Chris I can cope fine, mostly. But if something happens that wasn't the plan, or if I can't get what I came for (like in town or a shopping center) things start to go down hill. Basically, I can't go anywhere on my own, but with Mum or Chris with me I can. I don't like going out with more than one person, unless it's me, Mum, my brother and Chris.

 

[rikk]

I don't like crowds at all but I used to go canoeing and camping a lot,

If the weather's nice it can be a lot of fun and the idea is to go where a lot of people aren't.

There are some beautiful places outside and you can have some real quality alone time.

 

[bethany]

no i dont do that good in crowds or bussy places. i tend to get realy anxious and nervouse. it helps when i have my mum or best friend with me.
i did go camping about a week ago. but it was hard being away from my tv shows and routine.i didnt realy like it that much.

 

[Carl Carter]

I really hate crowds; in fact it doesn't have to be a crowd, if there's just one other person in sight I get anxious, in case they talk to me or something. Don't really go out anymore, although my parents are supposed to be taking me to the cinema tonight. Years ago I had a friend, Jonathan, who I felt really confident around. We often went walking around Derbyshire, particularly the Matlock area. If I do go out I much prefer the countryside to towns/cities, and not just because of people, it's far more pleasant

As for the alcohol thing others mentioned: I used to drink, it was the only way I could cope with pubs/clubs and a social life, but it did cause a lot of embarrassment and arguments. Plus I did start abusing drink, too. Quit last year after some youths started harrassing me and I picked one up by the neck, then got arrested for my troubles. Never touching the stuff again.

 

[Calvert]

It's interesting to hear everyones experiences.

Let me just add to my original post, I don't want people thinking i'm a social whizz:

While I was able to go to the bar and the club, I still feel nervous when i'm there and have to have a few friends with me (including my brother). I was only at the club once and it was nerve-wrecking though I had a good time. I haven't been to the bar in a few months but I find that the more I go, the less nervous I get because i'm getting used to it. I still would never go on my own. [and remember I don't drink lol] As for shopping centres, I usually go with my brother or have 1 friend with me. I wouldn't go to the shopping centre entirely by myself though unless it was essential.

I still have a lot of confidence building to do in some areas, and it does take time. There were years that I felt there was no point in going out and that I would prefer to stay indoors. I still do spend a lot of time indoors, but i've realized that if I don't try to build up on socializing while i'm still young, it will be harder to do when i'm older and everyone goes their separate ways. That's what I fear the most.

Edit: Also, most of this social stuff happened last year because I really made a push to go out and make some friends.

 

[Kit]

I don't mind crowds. I just ignore them. I don't go to any bars because I don't drink and it's not my interest. I have no reason to be there.

I don't ever leave my apartment though.

 

[regnkappa]

Too big crowds dont works out for me.

its like all my senses are enpowered and its all to much to take in.

 

[Wayne]

Crowds are okay sometimes, but they wear me down fast.

I can be very relaxed in the big blue room as long as the temperature is good. Sometimes I even crave it.

 

[Calvert]

I can be very relaxed in the big blue room as long as the temperature is good.

What's this big blue room that you speak of? :huh:

 

[Wayne]

Starting in your house, go through the front door. You will be in a much larger room. Assuming there's no clouds covering it, what color is the big dome-shaped wall in that room?

 

[Wayne]

I heard that expression on USENET in the mid-90's, among programmers who would work ridiculous hours and consider it a special event when they got to go to "the big blue room".