Can external validation become an addiction in itself?

[Metalhead]

I am convinced now that it can.

I need to validate my own damn self.

Becoming an emotional vampire is not what I want out of life.

I know what I need to do to improve my life, I just have to buck up and actually do those things. I have started some of those things. Time for me to start on some of the others.

Resting in perpetual misery is easy and comfortable. Too easy. Too comfortable. I waste away when I am too comfortable.

 

[Aspychata]

If we have addictive tendencies, we can pretty much swap one for another. So is a concentrated interest in something an addiction of sorts? I guess you personally know when something is harmful and not good for you. So if you obsess about getting to the gym, then it maybe better then obsessing about something negative.

 

[Metalhead]

If we have addictive tendencies, we can pretty much swap one for another. So is a concentrated interest in something an addiction of sorts? I guess you personally know when something is harmful and not good for you. So if you obsess about getting to the gym, then it maybe better then obsessing about something negative.

I think that if I were to truly become a gym rat, it would be better to do it for my own damn self instead of seeking approval from others.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Social media exists to promote external validation, and look how many people live on it.

Ed

 

[Aspychata]

I spent a childhood of no validation, so l guess l don't care in the long run.

 

[autism-and-autotune]

I feel like it can. I almost got addicted to Instagram, even though my content wasn't that good and it gave way to just..harming my mental health a lot.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

It can become adictive I guess, but I tend to took at it from another angle.

People who dislike/hate themselves need external validation because they are not going to validate themselves.

That can be the consecuence of Trauma, depression or any other stuff.

That external validation should be partial (has having feedback or a second oppinion) or temporal (a depressed person could ask other people to decide for them) while they recover.

In the case of Trauma, recovery is not only difficult but extremely painfull, so for many (most) people its better to deal with the consecuences of Trauma (including external validation) than to open the inner "Pandora Box" and dealing with Trauma itself.

So yes, it can be addictive (social media is designed for that), but in your case it can be more complex than that.

 

[Luca]

My friend told me that social media apps will send things that encourage people to get more likes, followers, etc. to meet some type of "goal." If that's true, that's pretty horrible.
Social media is very insidious. I've talked a lot about how emotionally damaging it is for young girls, especially.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I personally think addiction might be too strong a word, but definitely agree with the point being made. From what I see, this is the result of poor internal boundaries. We can all chase validation and reaction if we are not secure in ourselves. The healthiest relationship would be with someone who likes who we are. The internet wants us to conform blindly to what others want. But, that is commerce--being trained to desire what is unnecessary.

 

[huimaa]

Certainly can. Nowadays it's sooo easy to get constant attention and validation from online interactions especially and it's even encouraged on platforms like instagram, tiktok etc. Young people see it is as quite normal also, as being a "content creator" can be a profession these days.

But still that's a bit different going around chasing validation from strangers because ultimately they don't know you for real and it doesn't have a negative effect on those people. Then there's people who seek constant validation from people in their real lifes, and who also use other people to validate their misery (and sometimes constant victim status). People like that can be very draining to be around, and like the saying goes... misery loves company. I guess if one doesn't want to be that way, they really need to take a hard look into themselves and start solving their own issues and ultimately to take responsibility for their own feelings.

 

[Magna]

Like @Raggamuffin said, a main aspect of social media addiction for many people is external validation. The damaging aspects of excessive external validation has been around for eons before social media. People in high places through time have had their egos "stroked" by "yes men" and megalomaniacs have resulted. Celebrities, people in high places today have cadres of the same telling them everything they want to hear and nothing they don't. And...average people have the same on social media. It's even skewing and distorting normal and natural human interaction, dating, etc to the point of disrupting the very fabric of society to the point of potentially affecting the future of our species.

 

[Rodafina]

I think another problem with seeking external validation is that if it does not align with our internal monologue it can become meaningless. If you cannot find a way for authentic internal validation, then other people offering validation to you will eventually become hollow and meaningless. It must exist within, and seeking a way to strengthen your internal understanding of your struggles and your validation as a worthy and imperfect human being could be the most important thing.

 

[Darkkin]

Internet and/or external validation does actively trigger dopamine and serotonin receptors in the brain. Very similar to how food or nicotine trigger the reaction, as well.

It is a subtle process that accrues over time and just like with any reward trigger, one's tolerance to the process also increases at a like pace requiring more stimuli to trigger the same reaction.

It can become an issue if one isn't paying attention and can play a role in codependent relationships.

@Metalhead

You have self awareness that you pay attention to. And you are doing a self moderated check of your own actions. That is a skill many people struggle to learn. Checking a nearly subconscious habit, being proactive takes time and practice, but you've given others a good example of what accountability looks like by speaking up.

Threads like this are constructive because they address a sometimes touchy subject in an objective way, allowing for discussion without over-personalization. Others can easily relate. It adds another tool to one's life skill.

 

[Metalhead]

Well, I am a king of addictive behavior of many sorts, be it substances, shopping or social media attention seeking.

I have to be aware of what is driving these behaviors, and most of the time, the reason behind it is boredom or loneliness. I need to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin and happy by myself.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Do you also want it? Or is it just a need?

 

[Au Naturel]

Many people love to throw around the "addiction" word for anything they do regularly that they don't think they should. Even more commonly, something someone else thinks you shouldn't be doing.

No, you aren't "addicted." Validation is a basic human need. Everyone needs to feel accepted and that they aren't just a waste of protoplasm. Self-validation is the acceptance of your internal experiences, thoughts, and feelings as valid. ("Valid" is not necessarily the same as "100% accurate.") Either way, acceptance = validation.

Validation comes from the sense that one is of value. The words are related. Both can be traced back to the Latin "valere," which means "to be strong." Also related to "valor."

Someone who craves external validation could just be suffering from low self-esteem. (Or they could be a narcisist or have dependent personality disorder.) Someone with low self-esteem won't be able to self-validate because they don't consider themself valid, to begin with. When they receive validation from others, that doesn't help. If you believe you have no value, you quickly dismiss any external validation you might receive as invalid.

Validation seeking is like pouring water into a bucket with a hole in it. It constantly needs to be replenished, or it is soon empty. It is a symptom and not the problem.

 

[Aspychata]

Instant gratification maybe the operative word.

 

[Metalhead]

I guess that spending many years of my life with my entire family intentionally disvalidating my feelings and my experiences has brought me to this point. But it is up to me to validate my own damn self. I cannot blame my family forever over my lack of action on this front.

 

[andreaispunk]

I am convinced now that it can.

I need to validate my own damn self.

Becoming an emotional vampire is not what I want out of life.

I know what I need to do to improve my life, I just have to buck up and actually do those things. I have started some of those things. Time for me to start on some of the others.

Resting in perpetual misery is easy and comfortable. Too easy. Too comfortable. I waste away when I am too comfortable.

I really think it can. I started making edits on tiktok of characters and stuff I like. But as soon as the people were giving me validation it stopped to being something i do for fun and now i crave the attention and all I want is people to like me, to say what i'm doing is worth they're praises.