Can muteness be a symptom of Asperger

[gl00m]

I am not completely mute. Nor selectively mute.

I am mute because I don't know what to talk about with other people. It feels like the part of my brain responsible for communication and talking is brain-dead, but that all other parts of my brain work.

I had only one friendship in my whole life and it lasted only three months. I am currently involuntary friendless.

I talk only when I have an inspiration or idea what to say. I don't talk for the sake of talking, but sometimes I force myself to do this in my desperate attempt to make friends.

I don't have social anxiety. I deliberately use the word mute instead of quiet. Because the word quiet is ignorantly associated with shyness and social anxiety.

My muteness is involuntary, I wish to speak, but don't know what to talk about.
I often have moments of awkward silence, because I wish the conversation to continue, but I don't know what to talk about next, therefore the other side loses interest and starts a conversation with someone else.

The strange thing is that I believe that my problem with semi-muteness is the most defining feature of Asperger Syndrome. Yet, I have not heard anyone on Autism forum saying they have problems with semi-muteness.

 

[Progster]

I talk only when I have an inspiration or idea what to say. I don't talk for the sake of talking, but sometimes I force myself to do this in my desperate attempt to make friends.

Yes, this. Some people with Asperger's report that they talk a lot, or talk quickly, but I can't relate to this. I can't think of things to say. I only speak when I have something to say, but find that I pause a lot and they stop listening and talk to someone else, or someone else interrupts me and they no longer listen to me but to the other person who interrupted. I also don't process so quickly, so by the time I'm ready with a reply, the conversation has moved on, or someone else got in before me and I lost my chance to speak. A lot of the time, I'm just ignored, because I don't have any presence in the group; I'm invisible. I feel that I don't have a voice.

I find it helps to base friendships and other social interaction round an activity; playing a game or going to the cinema or hiking or bowling or whatever it is that you enjoy doing. Then at least you have something of mutual interest that you can talk about. It's a lot easier. Hanging out with friends never really works for me.

 

[gl00m]

I'm freaked out how some neurotypicals want me to extremely quickly respond to their question. They complain how I should have answered them in 2 seconds, while I answered them in 4 seconds.

 

[Progster]

I'm freaked out how some neurotypicals want me to extremely quickly respond to their question. They complain how I should have answered them in 2 seconds, while I answered them in 4 seconds.

Some people are, indeed, very impatient.

Because I'm a British person living in a foreign country, they usually assume that it's because I don't know their language, which is not true. And I'm judged on that. It never occurs to them that there might be another explanation. Also, any 'weirdness' that they perceive is attributed to the fact that I'm a foreigner, so when they see me, all they see is 'foreigner' or 'English'. It doesn't occur to them that I'm a unique person with my own personality, thoughts and opinions. But this is a separate issue, aside from the main topic of the thread.

 

[Suzanne]

I have social phobia and I also go through selective muteness and involuntary.

Selective, due to severe anger.

Involuntary, because of having a blank mind; mainly when it is normal to talk sort of environment.

 

[Suzanne]

Some people are, indeed, very impatient.

Because I'm a British person living in a foreign country, they usually assume that it's because I don't know their language, which is not true. And I'm judged on that. It never occurs to them that there might be another explanation. Also, any 'weirdness' that they perceive is attributed to the fact that I'm a foreigner, so when they see me, all they see is 'foreigner' or 'English'. It doesn't occur to them that I'm a unique person with my own personality, thoughts and opinions. But this is a separate issue, aside from the main topic of the thread.

Same here in France. My husband speaks pretty good French and is always treated as though he does not understand, when he asked them to repeat themselves and this is due to hearing difficulties.

But in fairness, it is human nature to be this way.

 

[Streetwise]

I am not completely mute. Nor selectively mute.

I am mute because I don't know what to talk about with other people. It feels like the part of my brain responsible for communication and talking is brain-dead, but that all other parts of my brain work.

I had only one friendship in my whole life and it lasted only three months. I am currently involuntary friendless.

I talk only when I have an inspiration or idea what to say. I don't talk for the sake of talking, but sometimes I force myself to do this in my desperate attempt to make friends.

I don't have social anxiety. I deliberately use the word mute instead of quiet. Because the word quiet is ignorantly associated with shyness and social anxiety.

My muteness is involuntary, I wish to speak, but don't know what to talk about.
I often have moments of awkward silence, because I wish the conversation to continue, but I don't know what to talk about next, therefore the other side loses interest and starts a conversation with someone else.

The strange thing is that I believe that my problem with semi-muteness is the most defining feature of Asperger Syndrome. Yet, I have not heard anyone on Autism forum saying they have problems with semi-muteness.

It sounds like you are selectively mute it's probably just the fact that you do it a lot that makes it seem different.
I'm selectively mute because of panic disorder .

 

[gl00m]

It sounds like you are selectively mute it's probably just the fact that you do it a lot that makes it seem different.
I'm selectively mute because of panic disorder .

Not sure how is this selective mutism. I'm skeptical. I would rather use the word semi-mute than selectively mute.

 

[techteach]

My muteness is involuntary, I wish to speak, but don't know what to talk about.
I often have moments of awkward silence, because I wish the conversation to continue, but I don't know what to talk about next

Hi gl00m. This is me exactly. Hate parties, hate get-togethers (have to go to a wedding this weekend) because of this. A person on this forum (don't remember who) said they work out things to say ahead of time, like maybe "conversation starters" or prepared questions. I teach, and I work out exactly how I am going to explain a concept ahead of time. Maybe this would help? It doesn't help me with "chit-chatting" but it does help in the classroom.

I find it helps to base friendships and other social interaction round an activity

However, something that helps me every time is if I can find something to do. For instance, I am at a barbecue and the cook needs help or they need someone to move tables. If I jump in and help I am focusing on something other than talking, my mind unfreezes and I can chitchat. I can focus on taking care of my wife or granddaughter and it does the same thing. I cannot go to the store by myself most of the time (when I do it is a major triumph) but if I take my granddaughter along I am fine because I am focused on keeping her safe and we are having fun (we call it "foraging for food." )
Does your mind move a million miles an hour when you are relaxed? Mind does, so if I can get it to relax I have a lot of stuff to talk about.
Something else that helps me converse and that is doodling on a piece of paper as I talk and listen. This keeps my mind from racing off on a tangent and I can jot a note when I think of something to say (just one key word helps) because if I don't I will forget what I wanted to add to the conversation or worse, be so fixated trying to remember that I stop listening to the other person. Tell the person you are talking to why you are doodling and ask questions about what they are talking about. This reassures them you are listening and helps them to relax and not feel slighted. This also deals with the "eye-contact" problem.
These suggestions might not work for you but they make it so much easier for me.
I asked my wife to find me something to do at the wedding and she said "You don't have to do anything but be there."

 

[GrownupGirl]

When I was younger and undiagnosed I would frequently talk other people's ears off, mainly about my special interests. But since my diagnosis I find it harder and harder to think of something to talk about at all. But I also had much worse anxiety before I was diagnosed, and being talkative was my way of coping back then.

 

[Progster]

However, something that helps me every time is if I can find something to do. For instance, I am at a barbecue and the cook needs help or they need someone to move tables. If I jump in and help I am focusing on something other than talking, my mind unfreezes and I can chitchat. I can focus on taking care of my wife or granddaughter and it does the same thing. I cannot go to the store by myself most of the time (when I do it is a major triumph) but if I take my granddaughter along I am fine because I am focused on keeping her safe and we are having fun (we call it "foraging for food." )
Does your mind move a million miles an hour when you are relaxed? Mind does, so if I can get it to relax I have a lot of stuff to talk about.
Something else that helps me converse and that is doodling on a piece of paper as I talk and listen. This keeps my mind from racing off on a tangent and I can jot a note when I think of something to say (just one key word helps) because if I don't I will forget what I wanted to add to the conversation or worse, be so fixated trying to remember that I stop listening to the other person. Tell the person you are talking to why you are doodling and ask questions about what they are talking about. This reassures them you are listening and helps them to relax and not feel slighted. This also deals with the "eye-contact" problem.
These suggestions might not work for you but they make it so much easier for me.
I asked my wife to find me something to do at the wedding and she said "You don't have to do anything but be there."

These are very good suggestions - thinking of things to say in advance does help, although conversations can be very unpredictable and I tend to lose it and forget my scripts. Helping in the kitchen or with a barbecue at a social gathering certainly helps, because it gives me something to focus on and I become unstuck - though I rarely go to such events - I don't feel under so much pressure to speak or make conversation all the time. Doodling is something I used to do during lectures, it did help to keep me focused on the lecture.

 

[Pats]

When I know I have to go somewhere there will a lot of people I know (funeral usually) I tend to have preplanned funny stories. Most my cousins enjoy being around me because they enjoy these funnies. It's always funny things that have happened to me like: my sister and I sound exactly alike on the phone. I called her one day - I heard her pick up but she didn't say anything so I said hello and she said hello. I said a few things and she repeated the same back to me. I finally asked if she was going to just keep saying what I say and when she said that back to me I realized I was talking to myself (echoing phone call). LOL Everyone loves that one. But when I get around the serious side of the family I just shrink back into the cushions or whatever and become, as you say mute. I guess you could call that selectively mute but it doesn't seem selective because you really don't choose to be mute, you just either are unable to speak or are at a complete loss as to what to say.
I have a friend that I will meet for lunch maybe a couple times a year, or less. I actually enjoy seeing her because she is very talkative and I usually could not get a word in if I wanted to. Makes it so much easier because she doesn't even notice that I'm not talking, other than they uh huhs once in a while.

 

[Autistamatic]

I'm crap at small talk. Really bad. I have found this particularly hard in the workplace where they seem to talk about nothing all the time. I can't just sit and talk about the weather, football, someone's wedding or what they're going to wear to the Christmas party. So I say nothing and try to block them out (I hear multiple conversations at once which has led to accusations of eavesdropping).
Now if the conversation turns to something of substance - something that's based on more than inane opinions or social occasions then I do my best to engage. I get frustrated even with that because whilst I like to understand things thoroughly, they are rarely as interested in the details, the whys and the hows, as I am.
My wife and the few good friends I've had in life engage me in conversation on the same level, but such people are hard to find.

 

[owlet]

I used to rarely speak when I was younger, mostly because I didn't know what to say, conversations moved too quickly for me to keep up, I couldn't work out when to speak and also because my twin sister was good at talking so I left it to her - which was a terrible idea because I then didn't have much need to learn those skills (or how to cope with the struggle of conversation) until I was much older and it was getting me into trouble at work because I 'wasn't bonding with my colleagues'.

These days, I've spent a lot of time (and gotten a lot of advice and tips) working out how to hold a basic conversation with people I'm not close to or comfortable around. I mostly go for a few set dialogues and hope they respond to those enough to carry on the conversation. For example, I'll ask how their weekend was/what they did when it's the start of the week, then at the end I'll ask what they're going to do at the weekend, because it often opens up some kind of dialogue that's predictable.

 

[Panthro]

I am not completely mute. Nor selectively mute.

I am mute because I don't know what to talk about with other people. It feels like the part of my brain responsible for communication and talking is brain-dead, but that all other parts of my brain work.

I had only one friendship in my whole life and it lasted only three months. I am currently involuntary friendless.

I talk only when I have an inspiration or idea what to say. I don't talk for the sake of talking, but sometimes I force myself to do this in my desperate attempt to make friends.

I don't have social anxiety. I deliberately use the word mute instead of quiet. Because the word quiet is ignorantly associated with shyness and social anxiety.

My muteness is involuntary, I wish to speak, but don't know what to talk about.
I often have moments of awkward silence, because I wish the conversation to continue, but I don't know what to talk about next, therefore the other side loses interest and starts a conversation with someone else.

The strange thing is that I believe that my problem with semi-muteness is the most defining feature of Asperger Syndrome. Yet, I have not heard anyone on Autism forum saying they have problems with semi-muteness.

It is called having a language disorder. Those of us on the spectrum have a language disorder that impairs us in terms of pragmatics or the use of language aka interpersonal skills, which results in an inability to maintain conversation (in your case not knowing what to say), lack of eye contact, lack of awareness of proper proxemics, lack of awareness of what may not be unacceptable socially to say, etc.

Anyways, I struggled with the same thing that you did of not knowing what to say in conversation to keep it going. However through the years I have learned some methods for coping with this. Here is a video that I think could be helpful, particularly the part at 3:30 about using how and why questions to keep a conversation going:

Btw, the guy in the video mentions mirror neurons, I remember reading somewhere that there is a hypothesis that on the spectrum people have irregularities with the mirror neurons and that is why we have perspective issues.

 

[On the Inside]

There are some people that I just seem to not be able to say anything more than hello to. I am unable to start a conversation, and have difficulty keeping up my end if someone else starts one.

With a few people, I'm able to start talking to, and/ or keep up a conversation with, but that is unusual.

I talk to myself and my dog all the time, though.

 

[gl00m]

I talk to myself frequently, even in front of other people. Its often auto-suggestive speech, something that I point out to myself or even having philosophical arguments with myself.

 

[owlet]

It is called having a language disorder. Those of us on the spectrum have a language disorder that impairs us in terms of pragmatics or the use of language aka interpersonal skills, which results in an inability to maintain conversation (in your case not knowing what to say), lack of eye contact, lack of awareness of proper proxemics, lack of awareness of what may not be unacceptable socially to say, etc.

I'd never thought of it as a language disorder before. Would you mind going into more detail as to how it works? (I tried to do some research, but couldn't find much that was helpful.)