Can shut downs or withdrawals be confused with ghosting or stonewalling ? How can somebody can tel

[Ia7]

Why a man with aspergers would ghost someone he s getting to know/dating?
Hi everyone, thanks for reading Id really appreciate any insight... I recently met a man who I think has aspergers, we went on 3 dates, he hasn t explicitly told me a diagnosis but kinda got some hint, and it makes sense for what I ve seen in some social situations we ve bump into, and other attitudes that seemed pretty uncommon to me(NT) , not just shyness. Anyway, I really liked him and I thought was mutual,lots of chemistry and physical affection in a really cute and uncommon way..we re in our 40s... he has been really sweet and kind, but after our dates he vanished for days and almost 2 weeks one time..and made no contact at all. Everytime I asked him what was going on he assured really wanting to get together and keep in touch and really wanting to get to know me, and suggested things to do etc but never did set a time and then poff.., last time I comfronted him politely just asking why he vanished and how it made me feel and that I really liked him, after some 10 days of radio silence I asked again but...he ghosted me. It took me by surprise since he seemed so honest and kind, not somebody who would ghost...Could that be an aspergers thing that I confused with ghosting? We don' t know each other that much so if something was very private he wouldn' t let me know, but at least couldve told me he couldn t speak right now or some kind of excuse...what could have happened ? Or it is just regular ghosting?

 

[Bolletje]

People with Aspergers are capable of ghosting too, I’m afraid. And to me, this sounds like a classic case of ghosting, not an Aspie meltdown. I’m afraid you’re going to have to write this one off and move on.

 

[Tom]

It's speculation at this point if he is on the spectrum. But it is clear he has broken off. I wouldn't waste any more time on it. Your only the 200th person this year to bring this problem to the forum and once the first break happens, 99% of the time....

 

[Judge]

Meltdowns and shutdowns are temporary conditions for those on the spectrum. Where we always eventually return to the land of the living. On our terms, of course but we do eventually come back.

In his case, I don't know what to think. To me ghosting is an incredibly deliberate- and final thing to do. Where if it a case of ghosting, that's that. Where it isn't reasonable to assume you'll ever see that person again.

But without even knowing whether this person is truly on the spectrum, there are any number of possible reasons for such behavior. None of them good. Sounds like you should probably just move on.

 

[Autistamatic]

Ditto to all the above. Such behaviour might possibly be due to an Aspie getting absorbed in other things and losing sight of your relationship as a result, but it could also be someone playing you in a number of ways. Either confront him (tactfully, just in case) or just withdraw and move on.

 

[Ia7]

It's speculation at this point if he is on the spectrum. But it is clear he has broken off. I wouldn't waste any more time on it. Your only the 200th person this year to bring this problem to the forum and once the first break happens, 99% of the time....

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Ok thanks all and sorry for being that boring...I imagine it is common and confusing too, one never wants to think somebody who they find super nice is being mean to them...and also he kinda seemed somehow innocent and good hearted and not that kind of person...
Oh and yes he s in the spectrum but that doesn t mean he s as nice as I thought and he hasn t ghosted me for no reason ..anyway...his loss...thanks folks for answering that question time number 201th