Can two aspies be in love without everything imploding

[hazybabe]

This question is somewhat inspired by my psychologist. When I recieved my diagnosis he asked if my aspie had become an issue in love relationships. My response was yes and no (my long term relationship it had absolutely no bearing on) and the short term one my aspies and depression were used as weapons to confuse me and make me doubt my sanity (really gas lantern style).
When I said my ex partner didn't have a problem with my aspie the physiologist enquired if my ex had aspies also. So my question is would dating another aspie be beneficial? Has anyone else found true love with someone with similar issues? [emoji4] perhaps a dating website is needed?

 

[Tom]

I would guess yes.

 

[midlife aspie]

I believe there is a dating site dedicated to autistics but the name escapes me at present. I would be concerned that such a site would have a fairly low and wide spread client base, and thus meeting people IRL thru it would be difficult.

 

[Judge]

I suspect neurological compatibility is not the ultimate common denominator when it comes to what sustains a relationship. Maybe there isn't any. God knows I'm the wrong person to look for that answer, anyways.

Not that I wouldn't like to try, mind you. (All my relationships with Neurotypical females failed.) Looking back though, nearly all those failed relationships likely pertained to my autistic nature. Neither they or myself knew it at the time. Would self-awareness have avoided such ultimate endings? I have no idea.

This post reminds me of a film based on an actual love story between two Aspies- "Mozart and the Whale". That relationship failed as well, in real life. But would having such a thing in common be beneficial? I'd hope so. I can't imagine something more profound to both understand and relate to. Whether as friends, lovers or anything else. It's just that there never seem to be any guarantees in love.

 

[garnetflower13]

Well, I am Aspie and married to an Aspie, going on four years now.

 

[zurb]

Yes.
It means you (can) have similar expectations, and understand each other better.
We've passed our 20th wedding anniversary.

 

[Maelstrom]

This question is somewhat inspired by my psychologist. When I recieved my diagnosis he asked if my aspie had become an issue in love relationships. My response was yes and no (my long term relationship it had absolutely no bearing on) and the short term one my aspies and depression were used as weapons to confuse me and make me doubt my sanity (really gas lantern style).
When I said my ex partner didn't have a problem with my aspie the physiologist enquired if my ex had aspies also. So my question is would dating another aspie be beneficial? Has anyone else found true love with someone with similar issues? [emoji4] perhaps a dating website is needed?

Sorry! to ruin the aspie love nervana party... My ex-girlfriend was likely on the spectrum...and I got the works, gaslighting...whatever that means ? I got their issues and social disfuctions dumped on me. and I got tagged with all the unfair NT expectations as well.
At the end of the day aspie, auti, or NT, you still have to either find some one nice enough to work through things with you, or inherently attractive enough that you are willing to put up with whatever stupid things they do.

My apologies for ruining the dream!

 

[hazybabe]

Sorry! to ruin the aspie love nervana party... My ex-girlfriend was likely on the spectrum...and I got the works, gaslighting...whatever that means ? I got their issues and social disfuctions dumped on me. and I got tagged with all the unfair NT expectations as well.
At the end of the day aspie, auti, or NT, you still have to either find some one nice enough to work through things with you, or inherently attractive enough that you are willing to put up with whatever stupid things they do.

My apologies for ruining the dream!

I got the title wrong, the films called the gaslight. It's a classic movie (I had a period of about 6 monthes watching classic movies pretty much nonstop). The premise is the husband is trying to convinced his new wife that she's insane so that he can steal from her.

My question was just a simple question, I'm not correlating responses for a research study and I understood there wouldn't be a definitive answer. Obviously a persons personality, interests, traits, background (upbringing, past experiences) all factor into personal chemistry. But with so many forum threads about loneliness, depression, differences and difficulties with NT's I was simply curious as to whether someone with similar neurological makeup would understand a person people.

 

[Maelstrom]

I got the title wrong, the films called the gaslight. It's a classic movie (I had a period of about 6 monthes watching classic movies pretty much nonstop). The premise is the husband is trying to convinced his new wife that she's insane so that he can steal from her.

My question was just a simple question, I'm not correlating responses for a research study and I understood there wouldn't be a definitive answer. Obviously a persons personality, interests, traits, background (upbringing, past experiences) all factor into personal chemistry. But with so many forum threads about loneliness, depression, differences and difficulties with NT's I was simply curious as to whether someone with similar neurological makeup would understand a person people.

Maybe if that person is nice and considerate! It depends on how well you choose is my answer....this one keeps me up late at night worrying too!

My deepest sympathies to you hazybabe ,been there, still am there, not sure if I'll ever escape there!

 

[Cali Cat]

In my marriage of 20 plus years, my husband and I both were on the autistic Spectrum. He was never officially diagnosed. However, having observed him for that amount of time I can say he mirrored a lot of my traits.

It wasn't the most romantic relationship in the whole world, but we were good friends.

I've had relationships with other aspies since my husband's death. Some were good, some were bad. For me, I think it's better to be with someone neurologically compatible. However, your mileage may vary.

 

[Maelstrom]

In my marriage of 20 plus years, my husband and I both were on the autistic Spectrum. He was never officially diagnosed. However, having observed him for that amount of time I can say he mirrored a lot of my traits.

It wasn't the most romantic relationship in the whole world, but we were good friends.

I've had relationships with other aspies since my husband's death. Some were good, some were bad. For me, I think it's better to be with someone neurologically compatible. However, your mileage may vary.

I am conflicted on the subject I have been burned on both sides of the fence badly....so it may just come down to making sure the person is nice and not selfish.

 

[Cali Cat]

....so it may just come down to making sure the person is nice and not selfish.

Yes, not being selfish is primary. Aspies can sometimes seem selfish, but it's not intentional. I think sometimes we just need a little kick to remind us that we're getting too far off into our own head.

 

[Mia]

Mine's worked, Aspie married to another Aspie for thirty plus years. Neither of us knew until recently that we were on the spectrum. It has been a challenge at times, but both of us have compromised for one another so the relationship works. We have never stopped loving one another.

 

[hazybabe]

In my marriage of 20 plus years, my husband and I both were on the autistic Spectrum. He was never officially diagnosed. However, having observed him for that amount of time I can say he mirrored a lot of my traits.

It wasn't the most romantic relationship in the whole world, but we were good friends.

I've had relationships with other aspies since my husband's death. Some were good, some were bad. For me, I think it's better to be with someone neurologically compatible. However, your mileage may vary.

I'm very sorry for your lose.