Can't break out of comfort zone, adult responsibilities seem daunting.

[Ishtar]

The first thing I must address, is how truly confusing and pathetic what I am about to say may seem, but I'll be blunt.

I'm 21 years old, and I still get angry and frustrated over having to do housework. Silly right? Well... It's a bigger problem to me than alot of people would think. I've tried to get over this for years and years, but I can't seem to. I have a fear of work, and a strange complex that means I feel high levels of frustration at having to do things I don't want to do.

Although this is common and most people hate menial, difficult or time consuming tasks - I seem to have a very extreme dislike of doing much of anything. Whereas others can just shrug their shoulders, get on with the job in hand, finish it and get it out the way, I get stressed, flustered, and rarely end up finishing a task because doing chores is so draining that I feel I need to lie down after doing even simple things like dishes - it's borderline physically painful. I suffer from depression and have for years, but of course this is not an excuse for being flaky, lazy and selfish, as I've been told I am. And my parents are right, I do feel like I am a selfish, lazy, slacker who never keeps on top of things. I should be keeping up with everybody else, and even have a job and be paying rent by now, never mind struggling with housework. Even if I do stuff around the house without being asked, I'm still not keeping on top of the place consistently.

I feel like there is alot of pressure on me because my mother works alot, so cannot clean, and my father has a heart and lung condition so he can't get things done either. I've pretty much been given the whole responsibility of keeping the place clean, and I can't handle it. What compounds the problem is that my dad has a weakened immune system and therefore the place needs to be spotless to a standard I feel like I can't even comprehend never mind do. My dad has said that if I do not clean the house, get my life together, and get a job, he'll kick me out onto the street so I can "sink or swim."

Why can't I handle keeping the place tidy? How do I develop a work ethic? What am I supposed to do? I want to be an ideal worker and son, but every part of me just wants to lie in bed everyday.

Help somebody? How do I make myself into a productive person rather than a useless one? How do I stop burning out early?

I'm not very intelligent in an emotional sense so advice would be appreciated

 

[AsheSkyler]

Distractions work for me. Before we had a dishwasher I would only do dishes during supper. I'm bad about hovering too much over the stove and not letting it cook, so I would do dishes to pace myself. It became something of a weird stim when I was doing supper and didn't bother me as bad as when I would have to do dishes any other time of the day.

What a lot of people do when it comes to the floors, furniture, bathrooms, etc. is to put on some good music, or get a friend and some music. You might look a bit like Disney's Snow White during the process, but it might lessen some of the unpleasantness.

 

[Ishtar]

Distractions work for me. Before we had a dishwasher I would only do dishes during supper. I'm bad about hovering too much over the stove and not letting it cook, so I would do dishes to pace myself. It became something of a weird stim when I was doing supper and didn't bother me as bad as when I would have to do dishes any other time of the day.

What a lot of people do when it comes to the floors, furniture, bathrooms, etc. is to put on some good music, or get a friend and some music. You might look a bit like Disney's Snow White during the process, but it might lessen some of the unpleasantness.

In truth, I don't have very many coping mechanisms which are similar to that for anything. I've gone through most of my life without them, and without structure and routines. If I think about it, it may be the reason why I'm always anxious and everything is always chaotic... The issue is the fact I struggle to stick to routines even if it's me who is making them. Would looking into books on aspergers and self help guides for aspies be helpful?

 

[AsheSkyler]

In truth, I don't have very many coping mechanisms which are similar to that for anything. I've gone through most of my life without them, and without structure and routines. If I think about it, it may be the reason why I'm always anxious and everything is always chaotic... The issue is the fact I struggle to stick to routines even if it's me who is making them. Would looking into books on aspergers and self help guides for aspies be helpful?

Aye, it couldn't hurt. There are a lot of good tricks in Aspie books. Coping is not exclusively an Aspie thing either. Most of my tricks I've learned from regular people. One my immediate family employs is for a friend or relative to keep them company and chat while they clean house because it's so incredibly boring. You might could ask friends and family for ways they deal with stuff that might be more useful to you since you're more likely to have similar thinking styles than with an author.

I have trouble with new routines too. The most I seem able to make them last is two months. For most people, it takes them three days or a week to make something daily a permanent part of their life.

 

[Judge]

I go through such feelings periodically and have to force myself to do mundane things that have to be done on a regular basis.

And it scares me as this seems to happen more often these days at my age. I get the work done, but it frustrates me at times when it's a struggle. When I get that way I wonder sometimes if I'm close to a shutdown. That's it might be a stress indicator of some kind. I'm not really sure.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

This is incredibly childish, but I turn hated or stressful chores into a game. My special interests are always fiction based to I involve the characters or situations from the book, such as, washing dishes = washing dishes in a river after eating unpleasant food cooked over a campfire, having to be extra quite because orcs might be around! It's ridiculous (for a 25 year old, anyway) but it's makes things fun. Been doing it since I was 4 and I first started having to tidy my own room.

 

[Datura]

I am 30 and find myself in much the same situation as yourself, Ishtar. That said, I have held down jobs, volunteered, and had an active social life at other times in my life, but I have also had years like this where I feel chronically listless and have a very hard tim getting anything done. Perhaps this makes me a poorly qualified despenser of advice, but I will try.

I will second AsheSkyer's suggestion, that you play music while doing chores. It gives your mind something else to focus on other than the drudgery of the task at hand. Musical tastes vary, but I suggest something energetic with a strong beat. This is no time for ambient lounge music or sombre love ballads. My personal favorite for housework is industrial rock. The sound of growling German men and mechanical drum beats just makes me want to work harder for some reason. For you it will likely be something else.

 

[Ishtar]

I am 30 and find myself in much the same situation as yourself, Ishtar. That said, I have held down jobs, volunteered, and had an active social life at other times in my life, but I have also had years like this where I feel chronically listless and have a very hard tim getting anything done. Perhaps this makes me a poorly qualified despenser of advice, but I will try.

I will second AsheSkyer's suggestion, that you play music while doing chores. It gives your mind something else to focus on other than the drudgery of the task at hand. Musical tastes vary, but I suggest something energetic with a strong beat. This is no time for ambient lounge music or sombre love ballads. My personal favorite for housework is industrial rock. The sound of growling German men and mechanical drum beats just makes me want to work harder for some reason. For you it will likely be something else.

I guess my J-Pop and cringy 90's happy hardcore collection will come in useful for something ^o^ also I love your username! Datura is a very interesting (but definitely inedible) plant

 

[Ishtar]

I GOT THE ENTIRE DOWNSTAIRS DONE IN AN HOUR WHY DIDN'T I TRY THIS BEFORE .-.

 

[tree]

I GOT THE ENTIRE DOWNSTAIRS DONE IN AN HOUR WHY DIDN'T I TRY THIS BEFORE .-.

What did you do that was different from
the way you usually approach that activity?

 

[Ishtar]

What did you do that was different from
the way you usually approach that activity?

Listened to loads of J-Core and anime OPs while cleaning, also paced myself more and did things one at a time over two hours rather than trying to get everything done as quickly as possible. I had no idea mixing my interests with my productive life could have such benefits .-.

 

[AGXStarseed]

Listened to loads of J-Core and anime OPs while cleaning, also paced myself more and did things one at a time over two hours rather than trying to get everything done as quickly as possible. I had no idea mixing my interests with my productive life could have such benefits .-.

You learn something new every day, it seems.

 

[tree]

You learn something new every day, it seems.

Or as X the owl said, on Mr. Rogers...

"You learn something old everyday."

 

[Astroganga]

I had this problem as well. I have kids so could never let things get too horrific, for their safety and well being needs to be considered but the place could get pretty bad at times in the past. It actually worsened my depression and it was a vicious cycle. Here are some things that helped me (I know OP has found solutions now but it may help others?)

1. Make a 'to do' list. Some with Asperger's work better with a timetable with times, I personally don't and work better with just a list.

2. Adopt a 'room by room' approach. Completely finish one room before going onto the next, do not leave the room until done. Anything you need to put elsewhere from the room, leave it just outside the door of the room. This way things seem far more manageable (at least to me).

3. Have all your tools/equipment/cleaning materials/bin bags ready and quick to hand before starting.

4. Give yourself an incentive at the end. I realised my best cleaning occurs when I am going somewhere I am interested in right afterwards, if I'm not going anywhere or doing anything it is far harder to stay motivated. It doesn't even have to be going out it could be watching TV or a movie.

5.Listen to what you like while cleaning be it music...audio books or the radio. I listen on my phone with headphones and I have a 1960s housecoat I got from the charity shop, looks pretty cool and I can keep the phone in my pocket out of the way, it isn't waterproof so I put a sandwich bag in the pocket.

6.if you have a bad cleaning day where you don't get done what you want, don't be disheartened just pick up and start again the next day.

7.If possible clean early in the morning or late at night when everyone else is sleeping, or when they are out. No distractions, no demands from anyone else, peace and quiet.