Sarah Melnychuk
New Member
Recently I had become increasingly aware of how my particular challenges and difficulties impact my life, relationships/friendships. I just ended a friendship where it had become increasingly evident that this now former friend had expectations of me I could not meet despite the fact I told her I have certain limitations. I have difficulty in social settings. I have challenges with sensory sensitivity issues. I don't always understand boundaries communicated unless they are communicated in very direct ways. That I have challenges with communication and my body language usually doesn't match how I feel. I have difficulty finding the right words. I can be very empathic but I will oftentimes miss the subtle ques that people subconsciously communicate. I will never be able to "read between the lines" or "hear what is not said" I need a direct approach. Say what you mean. I tell them. And what really ended this recent friend came after this now former friend asked me for my opinion. She asked me for my opinion so I gave her my opinion and then she was offended by me sharing my opinion. And all the while I'm like "but you asked me for my opinion... if you didn't want my opinion to begin with then why ask for my opinion?" I had to end this friendship. If you know me, then you know I don't go out of my way to be rude or inconsiderate of others. People say I'm a kind individual. This now former friend went on to describe how I come across like I am mansplaining to her. And basically turning my disability into a moral failure and a character flaw. She no longer had the patience to accept what is different about me. She turned my disability into a character flaw and moral failure. I can change character flaws. I can manage moral values. I can't however, change my disability.
And now there's somebody new. I am seriously thinking I am not going to invest in that friendship because I am starting to see that she too is simply not understanding. She was like "hey, it's ok if you mess up" and I'm like ... "hey, this is not me messing up. My disability is not a character flaw or a moral failure" Does she understand? Most likely not.
I feel really alone. Nobody really understands me. I'd like to have more friends. I wish I didn't have to end that one friendship. I wish she could see me for me and understood why I do and say the things I do and why I react in certain situations the way I do. I wish she understood the fact that I am doing everything I possibly can to respect the boundaries of others but if I don't understand how boundaries are communicated what do I do? This friend felt like she was repeating herself. All I can say is "I'm sorry, I honestly did not understand. I was wrong in my interpretation of what you said" But even after this apology it just wasn't enough. But why do I need to apologize for my disability? Like I go out of my way to explain my disability to my friends/potential friends. Like I literally warn people. I tell them my challenges and yet I'm still expected to somehow meet their social expectations?
Anyways, after the ending of this friendship I did have one friend who began sharing with me their experience. I have actually wondered if this was true for me like it is true with this one friend. They had recently become aware of the fact that they are on the Autism Spectrum. And in processing all of this in conversation with this friend I can see in me Autistic traits.
I also have nephew that was diagnosed with Aspergers. He was diagnosed really early. I can't remember how old he was. All I know is that he received an early diagnoses. Much of his challenges when he was younger doesn't seem to impact him as much now. So, as a family we have an understanding about Autism and Aspergers. I wish more people were like members in my family where we can just accept the traits of others and be OK with it and extend the grace and patience that are often times necessary.
I'm looking for a bit of support while I move forward with cultivating friendship/relationship and as I look further into getting officially diagnosed and as I look into how this impacts me.
And now there's somebody new. I am seriously thinking I am not going to invest in that friendship because I am starting to see that she too is simply not understanding. She was like "hey, it's ok if you mess up" and I'm like ... "hey, this is not me messing up. My disability is not a character flaw or a moral failure" Does she understand? Most likely not.
I feel really alone. Nobody really understands me. I'd like to have more friends. I wish I didn't have to end that one friendship. I wish she could see me for me and understood why I do and say the things I do and why I react in certain situations the way I do. I wish she understood the fact that I am doing everything I possibly can to respect the boundaries of others but if I don't understand how boundaries are communicated what do I do? This friend felt like she was repeating herself. All I can say is "I'm sorry, I honestly did not understand. I was wrong in my interpretation of what you said" But even after this apology it just wasn't enough. But why do I need to apologize for my disability? Like I go out of my way to explain my disability to my friends/potential friends. Like I literally warn people. I tell them my challenges and yet I'm still expected to somehow meet their social expectations?
Anyways, after the ending of this friendship I did have one friend who began sharing with me their experience. I have actually wondered if this was true for me like it is true with this one friend. They had recently become aware of the fact that they are on the Autism Spectrum. And in processing all of this in conversation with this friend I can see in me Autistic traits.
I also have nephew that was diagnosed with Aspergers. He was diagnosed really early. I can't remember how old he was. All I know is that he received an early diagnoses. Much of his challenges when he was younger doesn't seem to impact him as much now. So, as a family we have an understanding about Autism and Aspergers. I wish more people were like members in my family where we can just accept the traits of others and be OK with it and extend the grace and patience that are often times necessary.
I'm looking for a bit of support while I move forward with cultivating friendship/relationship and as I look further into getting officially diagnosed and as I look into how this impacts me.
