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Can't manage stress

A

Allymcb

Member
My inability to manage my stress levels has a really negative impact on my life. I developed severe mental health problems and dropped out of a prestigious university as a result of this and have since been consistently underemployed, not advancing as quickly as I'd like due to difficulties in managing this.

Any advice?
 
i struggle extremely with anxiety and ability to cope/stress,i find for me that mindfulness meditation to ground yourself in the moment and smoking CBD oil through a vape coupled with emergency medication [for me,it is lorazepam,soon to be changed to diazepam,10mg a day] is the best regime for me,plus listening to calming music-either classical music or anti anxiety music on youtube,lying under my super heavyweight weighted blanket and having my bubble tube on in the background.
i carry sensory toys around with me all the time to which not only helps with my sensory needs but also anxiety and stress to,for example one of them is a small thomas the tank engine plushy,i hold it in my hand and 'ground' myself with it and squeeze it to make me feel a bit better.

its about finding a coping strategy that helps you,you need some help with it i think.
 
@Allymcb
Stress is generally a reaction to the story you are telling
yourself about some event. If you can see what you are
saying, you will be able to reduce your negative feelings.

Many stories that people tell themselves are non-rational.

Here are some examples of stories that can produce stress.

I have to see things as being awful, terrible, and catastrophic when I am seriously frustrated or treated unfairly.
I must be miserable when I have pressures and difficult experiences; and I have little ability to control, and cannot change, my feelings.
I absolutely must be thoroughly competent, adequate or talented in some important area.
 
@tree I think it's reasonable to believe that one must be competent, adequate and talented in important areas. That's not a belief I would want to give up.

In terms of the others: I agree that avoiding thinking those things is important, but as they often creep in unconsciously without necessarily forming part of my inner monologue, it's quite difficult to keep on top of challenging them consistently myself.
 
You may have pinpointed one area to work on.

Note, the non-rational idea is "MUST be competent...." etc.
While it may be very desirable, this is not a requirement.
While it may be a very useful or admirable goal, this is not
an absolute necessity.

Perfect competence and adequacy are not reasonable goals
and to continue telling yourself that it's a must (if that's what
you're saying to yourself) is an excellent way to produce
stress/unhappiness.

I refer you to the works of Albert Ellis, in particular the book
A Guide to Rational Living.
 
To me it is a must, in the sense that if you can't be excellent at at least one thing then life is totally pointless and you might as well not live at all.

I don't mind about the unhappiness- I mind about the anxiety which creates problems doing things. I don't want to be happy, I just want to be functional.
 
If you don't mind about the unhappiness, why did
you start a thread about managing stress?

Maybe I misunderstood and in fact, stress and
anxiety are very comfortable states for you.
This seems unlikely, though.
 
I can tolerate the discomfort of anxiety, it's just that it impedes my performance e.g.it uses up bandwidth which makes it harder for me to focus on the non-verbal cues of a conversation; others pick up that I am stressed and find me less approachable or comment on it, making me more stress etc. If the discomfort didn't impede performance I wouldn't care.
 
And that's why I recommend the Ellis book.
Reading and applying the concepts can reduce
the discomfort.

I thought the book sounded ridiculous when I first saw it.
I picked it out of the pile of stuff....uh that is, the selection
of material....offered for required reading in one grad class
that I had.

To my surprise, the book was [no pun intended]
very reasonable.
 
I suffer from all sorts of anxieties and it's been taking over my life. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I had to do something about it, take drastic action - because I was never able to control it on my own. I went to a psychologist and he recommended a structured method of coping with anxieties; I've started applying it and it worked in some cases - but please don't get discouraged, he told me it takes lots of time to truly master. I only just started.

This method has an acronym, FLOAT - and I made an entire thread about it - check it out: Managing Anxieties - the FLOAT Method

People in this community found it helpful and I hope it works out for you.
 
WhAt i learned from horrendous panic attacks is i stress too easily to interact with humans for more than a second
your body is trying to warn you to change something that is dangerous
you need to rest ignoring that message is bad. i ignore it and end up with bruises ,an infection or psychological distress
 
Allymcb said:
To me it is a must, in the sense that if you can't be excellent at at least one thing then life is totally pointless and you might as well not live at all.
Click to expand...

But that isn't true. And any kind of perfectionism is a horrible stress all by itself. The worry? Because I'm not perfect. The pressure? Because I'm not perfect. The panic? Because I'm not perfect.

So is it excellence, which allows some breathing room, or perfection?
 
One particular way in which I try to manage stress is to compartmentalize all my time. To live in 24 hour increments if I can help it.

Especially useful in avoiding looking at life in the long run where things can from time to time appear "bleak". So I concentrate my existence much into the next 24 hours if I can help it. When things aren't likely to seem to difficult at times.
 
Get some chamomile tea...! When im getting stressed drinking that helps numb the thoughts that are causing the said stress...! The night time version gives of a lovely dreamy state of mind.:).....!
 
I get panic attacks and tachycardia when the stress gets too much. I mostly manage it well, but in a series of ridiculously mundane and boring ways.

First I analyse (sometime over analyse to death) the root cause and for me there is always something. Like not achieving what I should be achieving, or not being able to do something, not having any freedom. And often the cause will not go away. I have a rigid job with no freedom, but I need the money so that's not going away any time soon.

So I introduce a lot of mundane tricks to manage the stress. Deep breathing and meditating. Yoga. Picturing an "inner landscape", letting my mind conjure up the pictures, such as a desert, and then watering it and imagining flowers growing. Reading books with large headphones on. Watching sci-fi series on loop, again and again. Finding a deserted coffee shop or sneaking out of work (the second my boss turns his back) and sitting for hours in a deserted art gallery.

It's almost like I have a tool belt of a thousand techniques, each so small and mundane and really quite boring, but together they get me through each day. One day at a time. I also buy a lot of pens!
 
WereBear said:
But that isn't true. And any kind of perfectionism is a horrible stress all by itself. The worry? Because I'm not perfect. The pressure? Because I'm not perfect. The panic? Because I'm not perfect.

So is it excellence, which allows some breathing room, or perfection?
Click to expand...

I think it is excellence now. I used to be more perfectionist and the anxiety and dread was totally overwhelming, but I still believe in this value. I don't see the point of living to be average. Everyone else has got that covered.

Judge said:
One particular way in which I try to manage stress is to compartmentalize all my time. To live in 24 hour increments if I can help it.

Especially useful in avoiding looking at life in the long run where things can from time to time appear "bleak". So I concentrate my existence much into the next 24 hours if I can help it. When things aren't likely to seem to difficult at times.
Click to expand...

I used to do this but found that I struggled to plan and work towards longer term goals, and it meant that stressful events (like having to leave my home because the landlady was selling) came out of left field.
 
Since we lost our son, I've found that it helps to ask myself if the current situation is as bad. If the answer is no, then I know I can find a way to handle it. For me, this really helps put things into perspective. I feel I can honor his memory, using it to remember the good things about that period of time and live a little better too.

On days when I falter, I try to recall Goethe's "...days lost lamenting lost days..." and take things a day, or even an hour, at a time if it does the trick.

Life won't ever be stress-free, but we can't be messing up too much if there's even one person whom we've helped or cheered up, right? Well, you all have already helped at least one person (me) just by sharing your sincerest thoughts on this forum. :) Just wanted you to know that.
 
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