Can't Speak Sometimes?

[Carnelian]

I don't know if anyone else experiences this...but there are sometimes and certain situations where I just can't speak. Literally it becomes like my mouth is sewn shut and the words are all in there but I can't get them out. A trap door has closed over my vocal cords and I can't say anything.

Usually this happens when I'm in a social situation I haven't planned, asked a question, needed to order something or ask someone for help, and any situation that pops up where I'm not expecting to talk.

But in other situations, I talk a lot. My old sociology professor had to limit me three answers per class because I was so amazing at sociology and answering everything in long descriptions (she told me after finals I could've probably taught that class if I wanted to) and the other kids weren't learning anything. So, if it's a situation I'm passionate about (say Boolean algebra or sociology or epidemiology) then I can go on and on.

Also, surprisingly, I talk a LOT with my therapist. She's very good, I guess. She's the first therapist who I haven't destroyed the physical property of. I'd like to give myself credit for that bit of self-control but she deserves some too.

But at home or at school, I'm mainly mute unless I have to talk. I just...don't like it. I once mused (in therapy) that I probably talk more in one hour of therapy than I do the whole week.

Anyone else like this? When I do talk it's very eloquent and smart and I have a big vocabulary and it's also kinda "obvious" to some people that I'm autistic. But other times I just clam up and can't get a word out!

I'm so scared for when I have to do a public speaking class!

 

[Tanya]

Maybe you are confident of your intelligence, so you have no problem talking in class, but socially you doubt yourself. Maybe you second guess yourself too much. If you can get to the point where you don't care what others think of you maybe you won'tcare if you make a fool of yourself once in a while. It's something we all have to work on. I know Ido

 

[Warmheart]

I am this way also. It requires a quick exit to prevent people's reactions from igniting meltdowns!

This speech shut-off is called a non-verbal shutdown, apparently. (I'm just learning this stuff now, at midlife.) The mouth and tongue all work fine, but the brain's speech centers freeze up like a stuck computer. For me, the loss of speech happens in stressful situations. It can last 5 minutes... or all day.

Removing myself from the stressful situation and relaxing may (or may not) help speech come back online sooner.

Once speech shuts off, I have very little time to get myself out of the situation I am in, to prevent others from raising demands (hammering questions at me "What's wrong?" "Why aren't you talking?" ) so that I can avoid a meltdown (physical outburst).
1. I'm already stressed when speech shuts off.
2. Speech shutting off is frustrating in an already stressful situation.
3. People raising demands (becoming agitated with me and asking questions when I CANNOT answer them) makes frustration skyrocket.
4. People's agitation adds to my own rising panic/frustration/stress/helplessness... and, KA-BOOM!

In general, I can be articulate. But any physical pain, any stress, any sensory overload, any social overwhelm, and speech is the first thing to become a huge struggle.

At home, I am non-verbal and this feels natural. Speech feels simply like a skill I can (when calm) manage, not something natural for me. My thoughts are not in narrative form, rather sensory (images, sounds, motions, energy). Plus, speech feels like a motor/neurological challenge, like trying to pick up peppercorns while wearing oven mitts. I can do it, have becomed skilled at it, but it isn't natural for me, and it takes considerable effort.

Speech has shut off and meltdowns have gotten me in the hospital often enough that I need to consider an AAC (assistive augmentative communication) app and a small tablet so I can communicate while running errands. My neurologist recommends this. I'm challenged with affording these things. TalkTablet is the most affordable, quality AAC app I can find so far. If it permits me to communicate and get my needs met running errands independently in my community, it will be well worth it. The Speech Lady says it will require daily practice to become skilled enough for the stressful situations I'll need it in. Anyway, an AAC app might be something for you to consider.

 

[Warmheart]

By the way, here is an example of what TalkTablet AAC app looks like.

YouTube has videos to show how easy/intuitive it is, a good thing when you're stressed!

You can make your own buttons, change the images, switch the fonts, even change the voices to select what voice you want. The customer support is cool as you can even speak by phone with the developer. You can use TalkTablet on Apple, Windows, Android, and Kindle. Plus, it has a built-in keyboard page for you to type stuff out, too.

Ironically, the day I spoke with support, I was scared I'd lose speech (from anxiety) during the phonecall.... and I don't have the app yet. D'oh!

My neurologist suggested that when I can get a tablet and the app, to use it in stressful settings before I lose speech, to
1. avoid speech shutting off altogether, and
2. just seeing someone use AAC will tell the other person to slow down and give me time to process demands.

There are other AAC apps out there, but they cost much more (some even double) what TalkTablet does. I have found no grants for autistic adults for AAC, only for kids. I'm living on a quite small monthly income.

Anyway, I don't have this app yet, nor even a tablet yet. I'm saving. I think this will help those of us who have non-verbal shutdowns.

 

[Progster]

Yes, this happens to me, too, and under similar circumstances. I always thought it was some form of selective mutism, but I guess that is something different. It happens under anxiety and stress. I remember being a small child and taken to a birthday party. At the end of the party, my mum came to pick me up, and I didn't say thank you to the host, so my mum told me to say thank you, I knew I was supposed to say it but I couldn't get the words out and remained silent. Then, my mum was furious with me, and shouted at me, why didn't I say thank you? But I still wouldn't speak. I was in big trouble. I still do things like this when under extreme stress or when something is sudden and unexpected - certainly I find it much harder to speak articulately if I don't shut down completely. Often when under pressure to speak, I have speech but begin to stutter and I can't find my words, or I can't put them in the right order and I can't express myself. Then, people lose patience and don't hear me out, and I don't get the chance to say what I need to say.

Edit: I'm introverted and by nature not a very talkative person. I have to talk a lot for work, and that's exhausting. In the evening after work I don't want to talk anymore. Talking is such a huge effort!

 

[Warmheart]

Weirdly, sometimes right before speech shuts off, I'll hear myself saying the same automatic phrase "I don't know" to everything that's asked/said to me at that point. It's frustrating. "I don't know" keeps getting repeated. I can't answer differently. It seems to be my brain's way of saying "Stop demanding things of me right now. I'm in overload."

 

[unsurewhattoname]

Weirdly, sometimes right before speech shuts off, I'll hear myself saying the same automatic phrase "I don't know" to everything that's asked/said to me at that point. It's frustrating. "I don't know" keeps getting repeated. I can't answer differently. It seems to be my brain's way of saying "Stop demanding things of me right now. I'm in overload."

I do the "I don't know thing to". When rainman did it my parents were both staring at me.

There are times when I can't talk. As a toddler I couldn't speak to anyone but my parents/nan, as a kid I couldn't speak to any adults (except my parents/nan), I eventually could (over years of small steps) but it's still in there are comes out every so often causing me to find myself unable to speak. At least that's what I assume is what's happening, but maybe it's not.

 

[Warmheart]

unsurewhattoname you're right, Rain Man in the film did the "I don't know" thing, too. I wonder why we do this?

Seems even for mostly-verbal autistics, speech can have some funny glitches.

 

[karen70]

Hi there.
I'm new here and found your thread interesting.
I have only very recently became aware of aspergers and decided to read up on it a bit.
To be honest I feel cheated out of a life, but all is good now

I have learnt to talk, its taking me a long time to grasp so many emotions and blocks but I used to shut down whenever expected to reply.

I'm hard work lol

 

[gonzerd]

I get the 'I don't know' thing. It's basically short for "I've heard your question but until I've had sufficient time to process it and come up with an adequate response the only true answer I can give you right now is 'I don't know.'"
It's like the human version of one of these.

 

[Progster]

unsurewhattoname you're right, Rain Man in the film did the "I don't know" thing, too. I wonder why we do this?

Seems even for mostly-verbal autistics, speech can have some funny glitches.

I do this too. Only just yesterday, my sister called me unexpectedly and asked me what I had been doing recently and I just said "nothing" when actually there are plenty of things I coud have said - I think the problem was that it was so sudden and I hadn't had time to think about what I would tell her, as I normally would do when speaking to her.

I do the "I don't know" thing too, I easily get overloaded by people suddenly asking me lots of questions.

I once completely broke down on a visit to the psychologist and I couldn't speak for about 20 minutes until the end of the session, I felt very bad about it afterwards.

 

[Naturalist]

Weirdly, sometimes right before speech shuts off, I'll hear myself saying the same automatic phrase "I don't know" to everything that's asked/said to me at that point. It's frustrating. "I don't know" keeps getting repeated. I can't answer differently. It seems to be my brain's way of saying "Stop demanding things of me right now. I'm in overload."

I do this often. Almost as often as "I'm sorry."

 

[Naturalist]

I often struggle to speak, or become silent, when under stress. If I don't lose the ability to speak altogether, I lose the ability to form sentences and have a very halting manner of verbal speaking. Or I lose the ability to modulate my tone of voice, or the volume of my voice.

One particularly memorable instance of this was when I worked in an art supply store, before I had any idea I might be autistic. A woman came in and started asking questions in a very thick French accent. I couldn't understand anything she was saying and asked her to repeat it more slowly but she got angry and started shouting it at me, and I started as if to cover my ears and then caught myself, and my hand started shaking and I stared down and tried to tell her not to shout but the words wouldn't come out. She glared at me for a moment, said the only thing I understood out of all her talking--"f***ing autistic"--and stormed out of the shop. I couldn't speak much for the rest of the day, and even part of the next.

Progster, what you said about getting in trouble for not responding. I did too, and I try to be aware to not treat my son this way but sometimes his silence sets off my frustration at being unable to read other cues.

 

[Coupe]

During my last year at college, I pretty much stayed quiet, especially when I was alone. I learned that most things I had to say didn't make sense to people, annoyed them, or was ignored. I didn't speak at all to my roommate during our last week together when we were packing, and she didn't speak to me. I wanted to say something to her, but I couldn't. Sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter if I say anything, or that people would be just as happy if I wasn't able to speak.

 

[superboyian]

Sounds like me but mainly when I'm overloaded or rather to say, overwhelmed. My thought process just goes all over the place but then don't know what to say or how to say or rather, should I say this or that? Sadly I get these in social situations or get put into a situation where I have to make a very quick decision.

In social situations, it just seems easier to just listen to what they got to say rather than to speak, although it is mentally exhausting just forcing myself to talk, even if I just simply don't feel like it.

But I've heard some people use cue cards in stressful situations can be really useful, again similar to the TalkTablet app but more or less just cards. I remember seeing a student at school using one of those to communicate, this was definitely a non-verbal student.

 

[Limited_Moon]

I get this. It's extremely frustrating, because it happens during confrontations and when people are being horrible. I lose the ability to speak, put words together and stand up for myself and tend to get pushed around and walked all over before I can even fully understand what is going on. Usually my brain finally catches up and obsessively thinks up things to say when I'm at home in bed trying to sleep