Ciao World.. my name is Christopher or Kit for short..

[SolKit]

I was Officially diagnosed with asperger's in 99..
hmm..
...I like music, video games, art, technology, humans, life, trees, energy, shiny things, and what not.. idk.. feels awkward talking about myself to begin with in social, especially in a completely foreign environment albeit virtual..

am currently homeless // homefree again (in between long term shelters) making do. . i have hitch hiked the country seen 48 states surviving seeking understanding and trying to gain more knowledge and seek truth as always, my story is a long one.. and i am surprised im even alive.. i hugged a tree today. did u? (helps heal the heart chakra)..

anyways.. idk im different, even different i feel from most on spectrum in my life i am 32 years old currently ill be 33 on june 27. i did 8000+ miles last month March 2023 alone, during the confusion from my now ex girlfriend and seeking clarity for the family and why the woman and people who are my bloodline i never understood would accept or love me for who i am, even with my diagnosis..

anyways i rather put it into my art and stuff.. yet i ended up here and always have been too shy and nervous/ anxious whatever to post on the forums.. anyways.. another day, another scar.. 1 love.. ciao ciao yo. may the force be with u. i challenge u to think differently, to be all that u can be and strive for excellence as James Holiday from Ready Player One said "Bill and Ted did it".. so be excellent everyone...

i have been gaslit and hurt so much ptsd i am healing heartbreak currently and NO i dont wanna talk about it.. in case anyone wants to ask NT or ND (masking nt tendencies or conditioning, or whatever) .. ill be fine.. be alone since i was a kid yet surrounded by people who apparently felt i was a burden as nobody is there for me now except strangers and random people it seems and has been for long time.. it is what it is..

anyways i forgive i dont forget i pick up and keep moving.. a bit about me.. idk.. i cant tell if they miss me anyways and it seems most experiences of past til i hit my levels of understanding and even so still i seem to be misunderstood and judged because apparently i dont look autistic enough according to the general Population in america yet i dont mask, also HAPPY WORLD AUTISM AWARENESS AND ACCEPTANCE MONTH ALL!!!!! U ARE LOVED! U are not alone! whatever u are going thru i feel u, and u can do it! i believe in you this one does! that's the tru tru... anyways.. idk.. words and stuff.. ciao ciao.. as Kevin Flynn said in Tron Legacy "I'm gonna go knock on the sky and listen to the sound".. i need to recharge.. ️

"What did the ocean say to the beach?" -- "Nothing it just waved!

 

[Rodafina]

Hey and welcome, @SolKit. Glad you found us. Hope you can find a virtual little home right here and meet some kindred spirits and other interesting people.

 

[Nitro]

 

[tree]

 

[Kisa the tea]

Hello and welcome. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you can enjoy your time here and make some good friends as well.

 

[Alexej]

HI and Welcome @SolKit
Glad to have you among us, and I hope you can drop by often and join in

 

[All-Rounder]

Along our lifetime there are many people who won't love us, we just gotta stick to the ones who do.

Welcome. Sky is the limit.

 

[SolKit]

Along our lifetime there are many people who won't love us, we just gotta stick to the ones who do.

Welcome. Sky is the limit.

and love the rest from a far...

 

[SolKit]

i appreciate u all. i will try, your kindness i feel is inspiring to endure the difficulties i am having to endure out here... im about to bury myself in my sia.. afraid to talk about em due to past feeling empty and exhausted i was punished and been bullied most my life by family friends all yet its all good tho its not, like gandhi non violence i stand up to bullies it isnt just about me everyone matters even the dummy bullies who dont get it in moment.. idk with power comes responsibility or something like that... idk.. i have my story.. sort of using sias and creative pursuits as a means of mental health to cope to survive and make it this far and working on learning and refining new ways of self expression, if anyone is interested lmk.. i currently deleted all social media and am on social media break due to the duress and confusion i have endured as i meditate and clear my mind and try to heal and adapt to the only constant in nature which is change so adapting to variable change.. i am trying to learn to code as my brain seems to need many different levels of stumili as it always has yet its like eventually the same things get bored so it has to be constantly engaging and challenging otherwise, meh... lol.. so idk i wanna share what i learned thru it somehow via my creative outlets, and i know it takes time and im already a few years deep.. its almost like im in 24/7 therapy to survive yet in a weird way i enjoy it because its like i am able to coexist even whe peole hurt me regardless of intent asi am hypersensitive to all things yet my sensory goes up and down.. idk.. may write about it or blog later.. anyways im rambling.. im gonna go /stimflip.. benedictus, gassho . and bless...

"I'm gonna go knock on the sky, and listen to the sound." - Kevin Flynn; Tron: Legacy
"How can people know if they want something if they haven't even seen it yet?" - Steve Jobs(Ashton Kutcher) movie

 

[All-Rounder]

I'm sorry to hear you've been bullied in your family, there are so many families out there who aren't good for raising children, and yet they continue to breed for one reason or another, I think it's selfish.

I was told by my psychologist both of my parents were problem parents, I held a confusion and shock until adulthood and I couldn't quite figure out what was going on with them.

The kinder of them suicided, the other took their rage out on me every day. Putting a lock on my door was the best thing I could ever do, I didn't know it would help so much, my life changed drastically just thanks to the lock. I have some peace.

I have given up on hoping they would change, every time I try I'm let down and I just have to learn how to navigate the kind of person I have to deal with. Theres not much I personally can do if they're mentally ill.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! May you continue to find answers to your questions.

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome here!
Hope you hang around and connect with us.
I can feel your energy and I think you'll like it here.

Sorry to hear of your abuse but keep hugging those trees.
The heart chakra is always a good thing to keep strong.
And you're going with the flow.

 

[SolKit]

I'm sorry to hear you've been bullied in your family, there are so many families out there who aren't good for raising children, and yet they continue to breed for one reason or another, I think it's selfish.

I was told by my psychologist both of my parents were problem parents, I held a confusion and shock until adulthood and I couldn't quite figure out what was going on with them.

The kinder of them suicided, the other took their rage out on me every day. Putting a lock on my door was the best thing I could ever do, I didn't know it would help so much, my life changed drastically just thanks to the lock. I have some peace.

I have given up on hoping they would change, every time I try I'm let down and I just have to learn how to navigate the kind of person I have to deal with. Theres not much I personally can do if they're mentally ill.

ditto, and unfortunately, the door idea is a no go. this person has no respect for other s boundaries yet will use the ones u try to set against u! i that makes any sense.. i have not gone back.. currently hitchiking around the country trying to heal and find my way back to where i may try to get on feet idk.. doesn't help i am enduring heartbreak from a woman i gave it all to for last year and a half and i may have to let go of her after doing all i can despite the depth of connection.. so taking some time to myself to process and heal.. been stimming where ever i can constructively.. i am grateful and blessed i feel despite not feeling blessed with what i have endured. yet i must remind myself i made it this far, what's another breathe.. and i keep on, everyone's words and emotional support is blowing my mind, thank u to U and ALL as well. benedictus, gassho bonum diem habaes ciao for now yo
-Kit

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, today is a gift that is why it is called the present." - master oogway, kung fu panda

 

[1ofakind]

ditto, and unfortunately, the door idea is a no go. this person has no respect for other s boundaries yet will use the ones u try to set against u! i that makes any sense.. i have not gone back.. currently hitchiking around the country trying to heal and find my way back to where i may try to get on feet idk.. doesn't help i am enduring heartbreak from a woman i gave it all to for last year and a half and i may have to let go of her after doing all i can despite the depth of connection.. so taking some time to myself to process and heal.. been stimming where ever i can constructively.. i am grateful and blessed i feel despite not feeling blessed with what i have endured. yet i must remind myself i made it this far, what's another breathe.. and i keep on, everyone's words and emotional support is blowing my mind, thank u to U and ALL as well. benedictus, gassho bonum diem habaes ciao for now yo
-Kit

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, today is a gift that is why it is called the present." - master oogway, kung fu panda

Hope you are continuing to heal and find peace. Just wanted to let you know that I identify with your pain. I was (And always will be) the scapegoat of my family and endured a lot of abuse throughout my life. I'm working at healing from Complex PTSD, so I recognize some of your hurts and struggles as you seem to be striving to break free from toxic sources in your life. My heart hurts for you. You seem very intelligent and anyone who can safely hitchhike across the country has got to have some major survival and resiliency skills (I couldn't do it). Wishing you the best on your healing journey.

 

[AspieChris]

I actually disowned my whole family for the same reasons. My Dad because he was just not there (emotionally). Then my psychologically abusive mother and everyone else because I knew she would use them to get to me. Even the good people since they obviously couldn’t see how horrible she had been. All of this long before I knew I was on the spectrum.

You gotta do what’s best for you. Toxic people are like cancer. I chose to skip the biopsies, chemo, radiation, pharmaceuticals, etc, and went straight for total amputation. It probably saved my life and definitely saved my marriage. Knowing I’m on the spectrum, now it’s clearer than ever that I made the only choice that could have worked. That was 30 years ago (Dad) and 20 years ago (mom and everyone else). It wasn’t easy and she still tries to get me back, but I’ve never once questioned my decision.

 

[1ofakind]

I actually disowned my whole family for the same reasons. My Dad because he was just not there (emotionally). Then my psychologically abusive mother and everyone else because I knew she would use them to get to me. Even the good people since they obviously couldn’t see how horrible she had been. All of this long before I knew I was on the spectrum.

You gotta do what’s best for you. Toxic people are like cancer. I chose to skip the biopsies, chemo, radiation, pharmaceuticals, etc, and went straight for total amputation. It probably saved my life and definitely saved my marriage. Knowing I’m on the spectrum, now it’s clearer than ever that I made the only choice that could have worked. That was 30 years ago (Dad) and 20 years ago (mom and everyone else). It wasn’t easy and she still tries to get me back, but I’ve never once questioned my decision.

Sure do relate to this! I had to go no contact with my family. Most don't understand the pain unless they have been through it. The flying monkeys are so frustrating and I wish they could see the truth. Do you feel like being on the autism spectrum made you a target? Has it been hard to find support? I feel like being on the spectrum makes it much more difficult to obtain support and feel safe from abuse.

 

[AspieChris]

Sure do relate to this! I had to go no contact with my family. Most don't understand the pain unless they have been through it. The flying monkeys are so frustrating and I wish they could see the truth. Do you feel like being on the autism spectrum made you a target? Has it been hard to find support? I feel like being on the spectrum makes it much more difficult to obtain support and feel safe from abuse.

I have an amazing wife who loved me for my good parts before my diagnosis. So I feel supported even though I don’t really have a support system in place. In addition, I’m a very strong person physically and really great with cars, plumbing, computers, etc. If you mess with me you lose your best handyman, so I’m no longer a target. I do still encounter folks who don’t understand, but they’re usually afraid of losing whatever they think I can provide because my reputation of being a ‘MacGyver’ of everything.

However…. As a younger person who hadn’t become so useful In can look back now and see that I was definitely a target. Nobody could see I was different from across the courtyard but bullies are constantly trolling for anyone they can hurt. Eventually they always found me. I was lucky to be tall, white, muscular, blue-eyed, etc. Add some skills like car-repair and computer knowledge and I become the guy who everyone loves but is weird.

 

[Patrick Bushdiecker]

I was Officially diagnosed with asperger's in 99..
hmm..
...I like music, video games, art, technology, humans, life, trees, energy, shiny things, and what not.. idk.. feels awkward talking about myself to begin with in social, especially in a completely foreign environment albeit virtual..

am currently homeless // homefree again (in between long term shelters) making do. . i have hitch hiked the country seen 48 states surviving seeking understanding and trying to gain more knowledge and seek truth as always, my story is a long one.. and i am surprised im even alive.. i hugged a tree today. did u? (helps heal the heart chakra)..

anyways.. idk im different, even different i feel from most on spectrum in my life i am 32 years old currently ill be 33 on june 27. i did 8000+ miles last month March 2023 alone, during the confusion from my now ex girlfriend and seeking clarity for the family and why the woman and people who are my bloodline i never understood would accept or love me for who i am, even with my diagnosis..

anyways i rather put it into my art and stuff.. yet i ended up here and always have been too shy and nervous/ anxious whatever to post on the forums.. anyways.. another day, another scar.. 1 love.. ciao ciao yo. may the force be with u. i challenge u to think differently, to be all that u can be and strive for excellence as James Holiday from Ready Player One said "Bill and Ted did it".. so be excellent everyone...

i have been gaslit and hurt so much ptsd i am healing heartbreak currently and NO i dont wanna talk about it.. in case anyone wants to ask NT or ND (masking nt tendencies or conditioning, or whatever) .. ill be fine.. be alone since i was a kid yet surrounded by people who apparently felt i was a burden as nobody is there for me now except strangers and random people it seems and has been for long time.. it is what it is..

anyways i forgive i dont forget i pick up and keep moving.. a bit about me.. idk.. i cant tell if they miss me anyways and it seems most experiences of past til i hit my levels of understanding and even so still i seem to be misunderstood and judged because apparently i dont look autistic enough according to the general Population in america yet i dont mask, also HAPPY WORLD AUTISM AWARENESS AND ACCEPTANCE MONTH ALL!!!!! U ARE LOVED! U are not alone! whatever u are going thru i feel u, and u can do it! i believe in you this one does! that's the tru tru... anyways.. idk.. words and stuff.. ciao ciao.. as Kevin Flynn said in Tron Legacy "I'm gonna go knock on the sky and listen to the sound".. i need to recharge.. ️

"What did the ocean say to the beach?" -- "Nothing it just waved!

Welcome bro