Client refuses to be flexible over schedule

[Progster]

I need some work-related advice again. I have some students who have a very tight schedule, because they follow a tennis training programme besides school. I advised one of the mothers that she should let me know the what times her two sons, students A and B, would be available for lessons as soon as possible before the beginning of the new school year in September, so I could fit their lessons into the progamme. She told me the times very promptly, and I noted those times. The times were the same as the current schedule for this year, but with two extra lessons for her younger son. I said, no problem. As the programme stood, I could accommodate the lessons. I have other students, also in the tennis programme, who I had also accommodated into my schedule, and things worked out fine.

Then, the mother of one of my other students, student C, who doesn't have tennis training, but has swimming and piano lessons, told me that she wanted to arrange the lessons for her son for the next school year, but for a different time to the one he now has, and with daily lessons instead of three times a week. This mother had recommended me to the mother of A and B. C had started before they did.

The two bothers A and B and student C are schoolmates. Their mothers know each other and are in frequent contact because they boys meet for playdates after school. A and B aren't so flexible, because they come home from school, have a lesson with me, and then go to tennis. They have a very narrow window in which they can have their lesson.

The problem is that the mother of C wants to change the existing programme so he has his lesson at the exact time that A and B have theirs.

The mother student C has been flexible in the past, and I also once changed another student's times in order to accommodate him, when he started swimming. I wrote her a letter in which I explained the conflict, and asked her if she could contact the mother of students A and B directly which times would be beneficial to both of them, so that I can fit them both into next year's schedule. I also gave her the times that students A and B want.

The reply that I got back was far from what I expected. "I'm not going to call the mother of A and B. Tell her that those times are C's lessons." Followed by a second email repeating the times, adding "you said that you would find the best solution for C. But we want you to do that thinking of C's interests, not of accommodating the mum of A and B." I'm not even sure how to interpret this.

She seemed really angry with me. I don't understand why. Why did she react like that? I didn't think that my request was unreasonable. Did I make a mistake, violate some hidden rule by asking her, or is she just being selfish?

The fact is, I doubt that the mother of A and B will now accept these changes, because she told me the times she wanted first, and her son was already doing his lessons at this time. She will be angry with me. Also, I won't be able to fit the other tennis students into the schedule. I might end up losing a lot of students just because of this one lady's refusal to be flexible. I don't know what to do

 

[Suzanne]

Oh my!!!!

It sounds very much as those mother of C is being very much a child herself ie spoilt brat to be exact.

You have done nothing wrong; this mother is taking advantage and only thinking of herself.

Personally I would email back and say that you are sorry, but you are a one woman show ( I assume you are)? And thus, can only do what is humanly possible and if mother C does not like this, then perhaps it is better to look for another tutor?

I admit I got rather confused with it all, but what I can tell is that mother C is being stupid beyond belief. It is almost like she wants special treatment or something and took a front, to be reminded that there are others involved.

If you can do without her money, then be polite but firm and risk losing her custom.

If you cannot lose her money, then you have to sadly, butter up to her.

 

[AsheSkyler]

First come, first serve. A & B got there first. C's mother shouldn't have dragged her feet if she needed that time so badly, especially when she was in frequent contact with A & B's mother. Also, there's the thing where breaking a contract/promise to A & B has the potential to lose them as customers if they feel they're being shoved aside for another person without good cause.

I would also be a bit concerned she's trying to use you to screw over A & B's mother, I've witnessed a few cowardly and dishonorable moves like that.

 

[watersprite]

"While I would like to accomodate your request, my schedule has already been filled for those times. I want your business and appreciate working with you. Let me know if you want the times that are available, because other people are waiting as well."

Put the pressure back on her.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

You're being played. She wants to keep the friendship with the other woman and make you the bag man for messing up the schedule--at which point they both complain about your inflexibility. Meanwhile, her son gets his needs met.

It's not your job to be the social director. If the other boys have booked times for next year, it's done already and you can't accommodate. If they haven't, you actually are in the wrong for asking your customer to accommodate another customer based on a false perception that friendship is a relevant factor.

You're running a business. kestrel is right.

 

[Kari Suttle]

A and B's mother has a right to keep their currently scheduled lessons because you have already pre-arranged that with them. You have your availability in which you can schedule lessons and they get to pick their lesson times, first come first serve that's how it works. My mom teaches lessons herself on a client to client basis i hear her talk about it all the time. It sounds like C's child is overbooked as it is - if she so badly wants these lessons, then she might just need to take an activity or two out. Or be happy with what she had! She already had lessons scheduled. Why can she not stick with the three-per-week she had planned and merely pick two more times in addition to that - times that will hopefully not conflict with any other chosen spots. A and B's mother has a right to keep the times she already scheduled, C's mother does not need to come diving in and stealing it for a last minute request.

If the mothers with to talk about it in private and work it out together that is fine but i would not push C's mother to talk to A and B's mother. Simply stress that A and B's mother has already chosen those times and it is her right as a client to keep those times. C's mother can either keep her already planned three days per week lessons - or, something my mom does for particularly hardworking, dedicated clients, is if a client cancels for the day she will offer said hardworking, dedicated client (in this sitaution, C's mother) the newly cancelled spot for that day.

 

[Progster]

Thank you for your replies. I will write to her and state that A and B have a right to keep those times, and that I will try to accommodate C in another free slot if he needs the extra hours. I feel that in not being flexible, she is being unfair and selfish. Those who have said that there is some sort of rivalry and game being played between the two mothers may be right. I thought that those two were friends and that there would be no problem with my request, but I'm obviously wrong.

I really wish I didn't have to deal with this sort of thing

Aspergirl4hire What does "make you the bag man" mean?

 

[Karin]

Personally I would try to find an excuse to not work with the mother of C at all. She sounds like major trouble. I would get a stomach ache every time I saw an email from her in my inbox. Not worth the energy.

Rather than tell her directly I would probably in my cowardly kind of way make look like I was doing my best to accomodate her while making it impossible for me to make her happy and point out that her child's need would probably better cared for by someone with a more flexible schedule.

 

[Progster]

Personally I would try to find an excuse to not work with the mother of C at all. She sounds like major trouble. I would get a stomach ache every time I saw an email from her in my inbox. Not worth the energy.

Rather than tell her directly I would probably in my cowardly kind of way make look like I was doing my best to accomodate her while making it impossible for me to make her happy and point out that her child's need would probably better cared for by someone with a more flexible schedule.

Yeah, she does have issues, but she had always been friendly and accommodating towards me in the past, and respected my other student's needs. I realised at some point, that it is wasn't 100% clear from my email to her that A and B had already arranged those times for next year, I had just said that there was a conflict. That's my fault for assuming she would know that, and not being precise. I wrote to her again, making it clear that these lessons had already been arranged, and that I must fulfill my obligation to A and B. I asked her if C could do his lesson half an hour later than the planned time, and if not, I offered extra lessons at the weekend. That's about all I can do to resolve the situation now, and I'm relying on her goodwill to accept. If not, I may have to do as you suggested.

 

[royinpink]

Hope that clarifies things for her. From your original post, I thought that either the mom of C and mom of A&B had had a falling out and no longer spoke, or as A4H said, "She wants to keep the friendship with the other woman and make you the bag man for messing up the schedule" (make you the bag man = let you take the blame).

With the new info, it may be that she thought you weren't doing your job of communicating to mom of A&B and were trying to make her deal with the conflict (which would be why she got irritated).

In any case, you really can't rely on them to communicate with each other. All you can do is tell them what times you have available and what you can do to accommodate them. Otherwise, by giving out the info of other clients, you make it into a contest between the two moms for whose children get the lessons they want.

 

[Progster]

Hope that clarifies things for her. From your original post, I thought that either the mom of C and mom of A&B had had a falling out and no longer spoke, or as A4H said, "She wants to keep the friendship with the other woman and make you the bag man for messing up the schedule" (make you the bag man = let you take the blame).

With the new info, it may be that she thought you weren't doing your job of communicating to mom of A&B and and were trying to make her deal with the conflict (which would be why she got irritated).

In any case, you really can't rely on them to communicate with each other. All you can do is tell them what times you have available and what you can do to accommodate them. Otherwise, by giving out the info of other clients, you make it into a contest between the two moms for whose children get the lessons they want.

Thank you. I hadn't intended it to be a contest between the two mums, that hadn't occured to me. I just thought they were friends and could work it out between them.

Sometimes I'm just so naive about human relationships. I feel really bad about the whole thing.

 

[royinpink]

Thank you. I hadn't intended it to be a contest between the two mums, that hadn't occured to me. I just thought they were friends and could work it out between them.

Sometimes I'm just so naive about human relationships. I feel really bad about the whole thing.

Unfortunately, a lot of 'friends' aren't so good at resolving things when they can't both have what they want...

Eh, don't feel bad about it--it is part of being an aspie, after all. Plus, now you've learned what to do next time.

ETA: The 'rules' for what to do when you're 'in charge' as a professional or authority figure are a bit different from regular social rules--it takes everyone some time to adjust (though undoubtedly more for us).

Btw, these are all things I tell myself when I feel like beating myself up for something I've gotten 'wrong'. So yeah, I have been there, and hope others find it helpful too.

 

[Progster]

I think I've got this sorted out now - thanks for your help and support, everyone!