College and Job-seeking Advice?

[agenderbeing]

Hello there, I’m currently in a huge transitional part of my life as a college student. If open to sharing, feel free yo reply with your own experiences/struggles as a neurodivergent person (especially if a part of multiple marginalized groups).Thanks! All experiences are valid.

 

[Masked Man]

I think the best thing I can offer is this because I hear this a lot on these forums, and also from other NDs who I know in real life:

I did not expect to "make friends" in college. If it happened, great, but that was not my goal. My goal was to receive an education and earn my degree. All other things were secondary.

I think I did okay because I managed to graduate with honors and I did make some acquaintances, although they did not turn out to be what I would call "friends."

That's okay though because when I got this job, they were not interested in how many friends I had made.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Welcome

I will give you some advice from a 57 year old who's been there and done that. In fact, I am also a part-time university instructor for the past 30 years.

1. Keep your focus, make your daily task lists and check off lists, don't procrastinate. Autism executive functioning 101.
2. If you're autistic, you'll make all sorts of good acquaintances, perhaps have a good social life, but no real, true friends. Reality 101. Keep things in perspective. When in school, your personal life is secondary.
3. Your university experience will go much quicker than you think. That said, do not allow yourself to get behind. If you can, spend a fair amount of time in the tutoring center, if offered. Sometimes having someone show you some little tricks and techniques and shortcuts can be helpful.
4. Don't let your anxieties make you hesitate and miss out on things. Courage = Being afraid, but doing it anyways. It's a good way to gain self-confidence because you often surprise yourself with what you can do.
5. The first year or two is often the "weeding out" period at universities. It's designed to be difficult. Achieving a degree has less to do with intelligence and a lot more to do with perseverance. All you really need to do is keep yourself within a "good academic standing" and keep pushing forward.
6. Most employers do not look at your grade point average, but rather the degree you achieved and if you passed your board exams (if applicable). Joke: Q. What do you call the student who graduated last in his class at medical school? A. Doctor.

 

[jsilver256]

I bombed at college for many reasons. They illegally denied me services, because they didn't want to support the only deaf person taking computer science courses when that deaf person should have known her place and majored in IT with all the other deaf kids. But my fixation wasn't in IT, so I just took classes anyway...

So many social expectations. Study groups, etc. Knowledge how to deal with compiler errors on strange lab Solaris machines were shared. These were not a possibility.

I ended up doing the minimum work to pass and then self-taught. Hyperfocusing proved far better career-wise than anything a structured class could have taught me.

I was bullied by the other deaf students for being too slow in conversations and all that. My deaf peers are much better to get along now because they've aged and matured just like I have, but at age 19 it sucked.

You asked about marginalization. First, I think marginalization is one of those concepts that is easy to ruminate on and be a stumbling block - better to just crack open a text instead of dwelling on identity that is elusive for many of us autistics anyway. Second, I think autism is just a life of permanently living on the margins, and I've accepted that I'm just not wired for human interaction in the same way as others at multiple levels. The "college experience" was never possible for me. It is what it is.

 

[marc_101]

@agenderbeing

Would you mind being more specific? What are the type of things you wonder about?

From your post, just one suggestion based on personal experience: try not to feel "marginalized." It does require changing your mindset. If you feel different, less, or a victim, it changes your behavior and beliefs for the worse. You become more defensive, you question whether you can accomplish things, you tend to attribute intentions to other people's behavior towards you.

 

[AndyFBlues]

It helps to know what you want out of college. I went into college with no real goals and that made it a bit hard to stay focused. Hopefully, you'll make good friends along the way. Don't force it though. One good friend is better than ten phony friends.

 

[Aspychata]

College was interesting. And you don't need to socialize. Many adults get in and get out. I finally felt like an adult. I couldn't work full-time and support myself, so l lasted two years. But l continued to take courses and attended a computer programming school a year later. Angela Davis was an instructor at the uni l attended.
https://www.history.com/topics/black-history/angela-davisI think you will find help, if you need it. Find out where the library is and the food court. And make a note of where the bathrooms are. Don't park in areas they tell you not to. You will get towed. And get the parking decal. Oh, yeah, have fun, since corporate America is now lifting the degree requirement to get a job.

 

[Thinx]

It wasn't too bad. I was lonely at first, and had no idea I may be autie/neurodivergent, so thought I was shy and introverted. Tended to be disorganised, poor concentration and executive function issues, as I now see it.

But I did/do have a certain perseverance/ obliviousness / humility, that has seen me through. 66 now!

Also I am gay and nonbinary, working that out was a journey too.

I'd say, finding work I enjoyed was a journey, and I had varied jobs, over the years. That paid OK too. I may not have moved house so much if I realised I was autie. Not sure. But I was bold, and moved around, and often lonely, but did OK. It's been good to understand about neurodivergence though. It would have saved me some angst to know that sooner.

I did a lot of therapy, I taught, I trained in therapy, and I mostly enjoyed my work, especially as a trainer. Plenty of good times, and sometimes was lucky and had good friendship groups. Definitely do knuckle down and get your qualifications. It's been the key to a financially adequate and secure life for me.

 

[paloftoon]

I am definitely part of multiple marginalized groups.

I think the best things I can recommend personally are, if you're open to hanging out and causally socializing with others in public:
1. Prepare yourself (as much as possible) to stand your ground by verbally expressing boundaries when necessary.
2. Try things that maybe you wouldn't normally do, but be aware of the commitments- time, energy, financially. Take educated risks and try to prepare yourself to not feel bad if they don't work out. Have exit plans. Try to do something with a friend if possible.
3. If one or two people in a group activity are annoying you, generally best to just avoid those people as much as possible. If there is a vibe that the majority of the group isn't vibing well, best to transition out asap. Remember, things can and should take time, but not too much time.
4. If you have a social anxiety slant, try to be understanding that others (including myself!) may not be able to work with that, and consider seeking therapy instead of trying to socialize first.

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

I am in the UK and I am in my 40s. To be able to study at degree level in university I am required to do an access course which is a mixture of Highers. We have touched on criminology, hearing about cases can be gruesome.

 

[emi00PM]

Hello there, I’m currently in a huge transitional part of my life as a college student. If open to sharing, feel free yo reply with your own experiences/struggles as a neurodivergent person (especially if a part of multiple marginalized groups).Thanks! All experiences are valid.

Focus on your needs first, wants second which will come with a lot of it. I didn’t when I started, and it took me too long to graduate because of it.

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

Despite me providing my aspergers diagnosis letter (it was called aspergers back then) and despite me not having internet at home and not being the best at technology, including, not knowing where to begin when buying a laptop, what to install on it security wise, browser wise education wise for example (I have been using library and the autism drop-in where the pcs are all set-up and trying to learn can be very tough especially for an aspie with all the noise, screaming children, people chatting on earpieces etc. I guess quiet signs and staff saying please be quiet cant happen these days as society has changed). And depression, low mood and sleep wise I try, by taking my meds and being in regular contact with my gp practice, I try natural remedies too. My housing association flat is big enough though to have the things which people normally have like standard furniture and appliances and there's no leak issues but the negatives are some neighbours banging doors especially bad late at night, magnetic loud block door and dogs barking especially late at night at the park next to me, I have tried earplugs but can't get used to the sensation of them. Also my phone signal unavailable or breaks-up unless I am next to the windows in my living room/lounge. Despite my issues, Edinburgh college don't let me borrow a laptop.
It's tough for me too, because the only room with a computer that can be booked is hardly ever available, in the autism drop in centre. Some other service users probably don't mean to, but they constantly talk to me, that can be tiring and overwhelming and makes studying in the PC room virtually impossible. (even sending private emails and putting in passwords to support workers for example is difficult. One service user sadly hits himself quite hard generally and if I don't play games of pool with him or if I say politely I am working on something he hits himself even more.
I'm not saying it's anyone's fault but I have a right to this education, and it is good for my confidence and I enjoy learning. I feel a sense of achievement from it too.

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

Despite me providing my aspergers diagnosis letter (it was called aspergers back then) and despite me not having internet at home and not being the best at technology, including, not knowing where to begin when buying a laptop, what to install on it security wise, browser wise education wise for example (I have been using library and the autism drop-in where the pcs are all set-up and trying to learn can be very tough especially for an aspie with all the noise, screaming children, people chatting on earpieces etc. I guess quiet signs and staff saying please be quiet cant happen these days as society has changed). And depression, low mood and sleep wise I try, by taking my meds and being in regular contact with my gp practice, I try natural remedies too. My housing association flat is big enough though to have the things which people normally have like standard furniture and appliances and there's no leak issues but the negatives are some neighbours banging doors especially bad late at night, magnetic loud block door and dogs barking especially late at night at the park next to me, I have tried earplugs but can't get used to the sensation of them. Also my phone signal unavailable or breaks-up unless I am next to the windows in my living room/lounge.

So yeah here's another person in the area where I live who is very sadly experiencing leak problems from the flat above. I was very concerned for my health breathing in all the damp that was everywhere!:-

Link to Story

 

[Judge]

Looking back I think there were two "themes" that always concerned me in college. Especially comparing them to high school:

1) Going to a university can be a very "mercenary" process. Educators and administrators who are quite up front in that they are relatively indifferent to whether as a student that you succeed or fail. Perhaps one of the first real tastes of adulthood. But I also consider this something good in that it became a practical way of telling me that the game has changed and that I MUST adjust the best I can.

2) The other thing was just having to juggle multiple subjects (much like in high school) but at a much more intense and condensed level. Having to not only study harder, but "learn" harder if that makes any sense. To discover that this process was no mere "extension" of high school.

Not much I can say in a generic sense about jobs relative to graduating. It's an incredibly dynamic consideration so often dictated by a good or bad economy, as well as specific types of occupations that may ebb or flow whether indifferently or not.

 

[TikvaBall]

This is my third try at college, although to be fair the second try was me finishing my associate's degree. I'm still in therapy over the first try, and I'm hoping this experience will be a lot better. For one thing, I know I'm autistic now, and I'm trying to figure out how to be the best autistic person I can be. One better thing about this time, as well as the second time, is that I go to a smaller school where the people are loads nicer. The bad thing is I'm the first blind student to ever go to my school. I call myself a trail blazer.

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

I mentioned using public libraries earlier. My nearest one to where I stay is an old building and I guess is a listed building meaning I think that structural changes can't be made to windows. The staff opening and closing these windows due to weather changes, and there's quite a few windows, it's a large building, is very noisy, but it seems to be out of their control

 

[Shevek]

I didn't finish high school because I didn't see a need for most of it. Ten years later, I got interested in engineering so I went to the library to get some formulas to guide my design work. After another decade, I was winning prizes and was asked to guest-lecture to graduating engineers. However, I had not learned to work in groups and network, which I might have gotten from attending classes and studying boring stuff, so my career never took off. Back then, student loans were co-signed by the government. Now, they don't even count for bankruptcy claims. I'd be very careful to stay out of debt without a rock-solid job offer.