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Coming out

Martha Ferris

Martha Ferris

Seeking answers
After concluding that I was on the spectrum, after a lot of research before proceeding to online testing, I had to consider what if anything to tell my family. Because my brothers and nephews have been diagnosed on the spectrum and the tests and experiences of females on the spectrum indicate that I am too I decided I had a responsibility to let my children know and to tell my sister.
My sister made no comment. My son was first denied then gave grudging acceptence I think to what I believe rather than actual acceptence of my being on the spectrum. Perhaps it has to do with the possibility that he may be too?
My one daughter completely says I am not, "You are not a raging autistic" but she knows little about autism and formulates most of her opinions on what she thinks she knows and already believes.
My other two daughters have not gotten back to me.
I think my one daughter is definitely on the spectrum. It was so difficult to raise her and to help her with social interactions to name just one of her issues.
I wanted to plant a seed of possibility for all of them to consider. It is also important for them to know that often females are diagnosed as something else when they are in fact on the spectrum and not what they have been diagnosed as having.
Then today I went to see my primary care practitioner and told her what I believed about myself and why and she validated that belief. She has a son on the spectrum so she is very aware of the condition and the differences between the presentations for males and females.
I told her about the interaction I had with my sister over the weekend and my initial repsonse to her message that she had sent to me and my primary said "That's very autistic."
It's nice to have someone to understand and accept me. On top of the world right now. Just wanted to share my happiness with you.
 
You have a lot more guts than I do. Still haven't told anyone since my confirmation from a professional.
Don't really know what I'm afraid of, but we are starting with CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), should help with that and many other things.
 
Martha Ferris said:
It's nice to have someone to understand and accept me. On top of the world right now. Just wanted to share my happiness with you.
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing...!!
iu
 
That's wonderful Martha!

I have few people to tell.

I told my mom because we always have such a difficult relationship and I realized that the reason for that lay in my misunderstanding of some of my early experiences. To me it was a relief to be able to look at the trauma I experienced growing up and see that some of that trauma was not directly caused by family. Some was. But not all.
Her reaction was not what I expected. She said nothing at all. I did not persue the conversation at that point because I expected her to say "I never thought that" and, in my experience if she had not thought something herself, it couldn't be true (to her).

I told my son. He is such a sweetheart. He said "I can see that" and then he took the A.Q. test at my suggestion. In many ways my son seems more autistic than I do especially following the male pattern but his A.Q. score was 22.

I told my husband. He simply said "That makes sense. My eldest son was diagnosed on the spectrum as a child, do I know some about it". Husband also has a lot of autistic traits but does not think he is.
 
You have cajones. Told my mom,she said no way. But she has held very detailed type work.

Anyways- you did it.
We here accept and celebrate your empty closet. You said you came out, implying your closet was holding back your true self.
 
Useful confirmation. You certainly come across as autistic I would say. I don't think it's actually hard to spot in others once you understand the criteria and have recognised it in yourself. Glad you got some validation. My sister has self diagnosed too. Totally agree with her.
 
Family went into denial, concerned about the 'stigma' I suppose. They always prefer to think of me as 'schizo', so it didn't fit their script. Got some reluctant acceptance years later, but nothing changed.
 
Wonderful that you are happy with the validation you have received. Most of my long friends have suspected, so speaking with them it is clear that I am accepted. Today, after a ride with the bicycle club (where I am among the youngest) we were just talking about how we as a group support people and I mentioned difficulties socializing, reading emotion, yet how I enjoy seeing the people there because I felt welcomed, I could see the lightbulbs go on in a few, and Ray, a very kind man, asked me about my ASD. He mentioned that he never thought of me as autistic because of my unwavering ethical compass and my facility with various things. Among such people I have no qualms about who I am.
 
LOL! I have no shame. Everyone who knows me well knows I'm on the spectrum and that I'm a nudist. Neither one makes any difference because I don't choose to know people to who it would matter.
 
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