Communication Troubles

[Levelskid]

So, ever had a situation where you can't convey your feelings, intentions, and overall explanations without offending or confusing others, so you just decide to stay quiet and not say anything at all? I've been doing that a lot lately, and I think it's having an effect on my social life. My mates says I'm fine, but I want to do/be better. Is this normal, or am I doing something wrong?

 

[Outdated]

So, ever had a situation where you can't convey your feelings, intentions, and overall explanations without offending or confusing others, so you just decide to stay quiet and not say anything at all? I've been doing that a lot lately, and I think it's having an effect on my social life.

Eventually people will start to turn away from you if you keep it up because it will seem like you're turning away from them.

My mates says I'm fine, but I want to do/be better. Is this normal, or am I doing something wrong?

If they're your mates you should be able to say contentious things without them taking offence. It might raise some awkward conversations but that's an important part of learning to have trust and faith in each other.

 

[Aspychata]

It always helps to improve your communication skills. If someone doesn't understand you, try another way to explain. I have encountered this myself, it can take time and maturity but you can do it.

 

[Levelskid]

Thank you.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

So, ever had a situation where you can't convey your feelings, intentions, and overall explanations without offending or confusing others, so you just decide to stay quiet and not say anything at all?

Yes. The first skill is knowing when to stay quiet. Not an easy thing for some people... some often are victims of their "knee-jerk", quick-witted responses based upon cognitive biases. It will get you into trouble. The second step is to ask clarifying questions to better understand their perspective and context. If you pay attention... especially with neurotypicals... they sort of expect the other person to be intuitive, understand "intent", and to "read between the lines". If that is a skill you do not possess, and are aware of it, then curiously dig a little deeper into their statements. Best to be accurate rather than general.

It is a bit easier with say, something written... like what we are doing here. We can often review and edit before clicking the "send" icon. By giving yourself some pause before answering you can often give yourself the time to come up with far more intelligent responses. I will add that all of this only works with one-on-one conversation... if you are in a fast-paced group conversation, this strategy is impossible. In my opinion, during those group conversations... best to be there, smile, nod, but keep your mouth shut no matter the tension building up to just say "something". Calm the mind.

I want to do/be better. Is this normal, or am I doing something wrong?

The fact that you want to do better is a sign of conscientiousness and caring. All I can say is to be consciously aware of your state of mind... it should be calm. A calm state of mind will reduce all the "emotional chaos"... that background noise in your mind that results in those knee-jerk responses and "controversial statements" that will get you into trouble. Once someone hears it... you can't take it back... not really. I've said some pretty stupid and ignorant things in my day. It really undermines you as a person. If your mind is in an "excited" state... the mouth gets ahead of the brain... never good.

It does take some self-discipline and control... and for myself, it is a conscious effort. I've become better at it with age and maturity, but it's always an effort.

 

[717]

So, ever had a situation where you can't convey your feelings, intentions, and overall explanations without offending or confusing others, so you just decide to stay quiet and not say anything at all? I've been doing that a lot lately, and I think it's having an effect on my social life. My mates says I'm fine, but I want to do/be better. Is this normal, or am I doing something wrong?

Sounds like basic masking to me... so this is normal in my opinion.

 

[velociraptor]

So, ever had a situation where you can't convey your feelings, intentions, and overall explanations without offending or confusing others, so you just decide to stay quiet and not say anything at all?

This is the majority of my life.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

@Levelskid, I hesitate to bring up Elon Musk on this forum, but I will... only as an example of what you are speaking of... as he is an ASD-1 that is in the public spotlight with several examples of video interviews. If you watch his interviews, pay attention to his responses and in which situations. You don't have to be a psychologist to analyze this. If the interview is rather "loose" and the questions are more "personal opinion" related, his mind is in an "excited state", perhaps even joking, there isn't much pause with his answers... and he shows off his cognitive biases... often with controversial, sometimes "offending" statements that send the internet into a furious uproar. I don't care much for his social media responses on X... you can tell when he is just firing off comments without thinking. On the other hand, if the interview is more serious or technical, and his mind is calm, he really takes time to pause... sometimes long pauses before answering. You really see his eyes roll up and off to the side and he eventually comes up with some really intelligent and insightful responses. This is where he shines... and likely where most of us would shine, as well.

Again, I only bring this up as a very public example of what can happen when the mind is in an "excited" state... and resultant consequences... versus a "calm" state and taking the time to pause and formulate an intelligent response. Personal impressions of Elon aside, there is something to learn here.

 

[JayCee]

Best wishes for you, With the Communication issues . Am very guilty of doing this type
of stuff, most of my life . . 🫩

 

[717]

@Levelskid, I hesitate to bring up Elon Musk on this forum, but I will... only as an example of what you are speaking of... as he is an ASD-1 that is in the public spotlight with several examples of video interviews. If you watch his interviews, pay attention to his responses and in which situations. You don't have to be a psychologist to analyze this. If the interview is rather "loose" and the questions are more "personal opinion" related, his mind is in an "excited state", perhaps even joking, there isn't much pause with his answers... and he shows off his cognitive biases... often with controversial, sometimes "offending" statements that send the internet into a furious uproar. I don't care much for his social media responses on X... you can tell when he is just firing off comments without thinking. On the other hand, if the interview is more serious or technical, and his mind is calm, he really takes time to pause... sometimes long pauses before answering. You really see his eyes roll up and off to the side and he eventually comes up with some really intelligent and insightful responses. This is where he shines... and likely where most of us would shine, as well.

Again, I only bring this up as a very public example of what can happen when the mind is in an "excited" state... and resultant consequences... versus a "calm" state and taking the time to pause and formulate an intelligent response. Personal impressions of Elon aside, there is something to learn here.

I dont think he is autistic... I think there is a myth in tech that you have to be autistic to be a computer genius... look at Zuckerberg for example... for years acting like a robot, because he is no good at acting but his image coach told him to act autistic... now all of the sudden the whole spectrum acting is dropped and guy looks normal.

Elon is the same in my opinion, he claims autism because he is claiming to be a quirky genius... but I dont find his act convincing. He probably hire a professional choreographer to practice his "awkward" dance moves... it is all a show...

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I dont think he is autistic... I think there is a myth in tech that you have to be autistic to be a computer genius... look at Zuckerberg for example... for years acting like a robot, because he is no good at acting but his image coach told him to act autistic... now all of the sudden the whole spectrum acting is dropped and guy looks normal.

Elon is the same in my opinion, he claims autism because he is claiming to be a quirky genius... but I dont find his act convincing. He probably hire a professional choreographer to practice his "awkward" dance moves... it is all a show...

To the best of my knowledge, reading the biography, interviews with the people around him, parents, siblings, co-workers, school mates, childhood friends, etc... he's very much the Asperger's/ASD-1. I follow him pretty closely... as an investor with a lot of my money tied up... I have a financial interest... not as a fanboy. I can separate what he says in "loose" situations when he is just "shooting from the hip" and pissing people off, from those formal situations when he is responding to very serious, intellectual inquiries and shows his genius, to how he runs his companies from a "first principles" perspective. I also deal with autistics at work. I don't think he's some sort of quirky imposter... not at all. He's the real deal. He was very much like this as a small child, by all accounts.

I know it's hard, but you pretty much have to ignore all the biased op-eds and social media "fake outrage" and the "offendometer" that has overwhelmed his persona... and just look at what the people who are closest to him say about him. The latter being a much better source of truth.

Every one of us hate the false impressions and false "moral diagnosis" that get stuck on us by people. People are highly judgmental... and all this does is demonstrate what kind of person our accusers are... not us. They are reflecting their personality on us... they see certain behaviors... then say, "What would make me act like that?" "What would be my motivations?" Then they come up with the worst possible conclusion... then make their false accusations. Human nature, I suspect. Neurotypicals do not think like us... and will never know our motivations... and vice-versa. I am reminded of this every day when my wife says things like, "I thought you would have..." Not at all. Never entered my mind.

I think we have to be careful with judging other people... we don't like it when we are victims of it ourselves.

 

[717]

To the best of my knowledge, reading the biography, interviews with the people around him, parents, siblings, co-workers, school mates, childhood friends, etc... he's very much the Asperger's/ASD-1. I follow him pretty closely... as an investor with a lot of my money tied up... I have a financial interest... not as a fanboy. I can separate what he says in "loose" situations when he is just "shooting from the hip" and pissing people off, from those formal situations when he is responding to very serious, intellectual inquiries and shows his genius, to how he runs his companies from a "first principles" perspective. I also deal with autistics at work. I don't think he's some sort of quirky imposter... not at all. He's the real deal. He was very much like this as a small child, by all accounts.

I know it's hard, but you pretty much have to ignore all the biased op-eds and social media "fake outrage" and the "offendometer" that has overwhelmed his persona... and just look at what the people who are closest to him say about him. The latter being a much better source of truth.

Every one of us hate the false impressions and false "moral diagnosis" that get stuck on us by people. People are highly judgmental... and all this does is demonstrate what kind of person our accusers are... not us. They are reflecting their personality on us... they see certain behaviors... then say, "What would make me act like that?" "What would be my motivations?" Then they come up with the worst possible conclusion... then make their false accusations. Human nature, I suspect. Neurotypicals do not think like us... and will never know our motivations... and vice-versa. I am reminded of this every day when my wife says things like, "I thought you would have..." Not at all. Never entered my mind.

I think we have to be careful with judging other people... we don't like it when we are victims of it ourselves.

This are the problems I am having with this question, how do you spot the difference between this 2?

1. An autistic person that becomes really good masking. So autism would be harder to spot.

2. A person that have a designed image that is a brand tied to several companies worth billions of dollars. This image have to reflect some mild form of autism. Because the money involve on this, we can assume a full team of people behind the curtain helping this person to fake autism more credible.

Here are 2 videos, one is a marketing add for Elon's brand, displaying what it was convenient for him and his brand to present, accordingly to the culture of the tech bros of the 90s. As a side note I have seeing interviews from around same time period where Elon have some mild stutter, so it is fair to assume that this video here had multiple takes and in post production they leave out certain things. The second video is a modern time interview, the stuttering is more pronounce than in the 90s, the "awkwardness" and "quirkiness" are now present, this things where not in the 90s, and then again, both in the 90s and in present time, good eye contact, good communication skills, no problem reading the other person, and even the whole room...

I dont know what to tell you... is there something I am missing here? is this guy autistic that have use money and time to hide it for the most part except for the occasional stuttering... or is this guy faking autism because that is part of his brand?

There are things that just seem off to me... when he went to college he started a bros club... I personally am sensory overwhelmed in this kind of environments, but I know everyone is different, maybe Elon does not have sensory problems... He says that he likes to read a lot... you should see the list of his favorite books, how much he actually reads? as I say, some things seem off to me... I dont know...

 

[are]

This is a good topic. The replies were helpful to me. But i have nothing really to add except to say that that's like . . . the story of my social life. So it's typical for me.

I think if i said everything i meant it would be hurtful for others like genuinely unhelpful.
But i'm learning to be more vulnerable too or trying to. I don't think either is wrong though. Stay quiet or speak. Or sometimes say something that doesn't really mean what you think but means something to someone else. All are fine. There's no real answer. Maybe wisdom.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

@717 This is why I hesitated to bring up Elon. Let's let that go... not part of the conversation. OK... let us assume for a moment that he is not autistic (I am not interested in that discussion and I am not going to change your mind)... because that is NOT WHY I brought him up, per se, but rather as a very public example... and lesson... of the types of communication difficulties that the the OP, @Levelskid, had mentioned in his original post. The "calm mind" vs. the "excited mind" and the dramatic differences it can make in the types of responses.

My philosophy in life... no more negativity. The powers that be are very actively and strategically trying to separate us with all manner of divisiveness and hate. I am not playing their game anymore... I am escaping the matrix.