Communication

[Blade_Runner]

I'm writing this while in the middle of an Aspie relationship breakdown involving my Aspie parents. Ah, where to start! First of all, it's complicated but so simple as well. It spawned from a communication difficulty. Talking and working issues out is the hardest thing on earth. Someone tries to get their point across, the other person doesn't understand, the first person gets upset, someone gets cross (usually me) and chaos ensues.

It's really ironic, we've used the IMAGO communication technique for the first time. And already it's sent the three of us off to our corners of the premises to calm down.

Link: Imago Therapy's Intentional Dialogue -Print

I have a very very hard time understanding people's emotional reactions. I do or say something that I think was NT appropriate but apparently not and explosions happen. Why does it take such a long time to see the light? Is it me or are people super-sensitive or overreacting? It's so bloody frustrating!!!

My mother says that because of the Aspergers, I have a lazy will and therefore it is too much effort for me to think of more than one solution to a problem. I disagree, I have to be told that there are other solutions and given time to think them up. I agree that I'm very impulsive but it's not an active choice on my part to not think of other options! I can't help it but I don't know how to explain that to her (especially since she has Aspergers, too).

I'm sorry to spurt this is out - it's just extremely stressful and upsetting. And confusing and frustrating and disruptive and horrible and...and... :banghead: :{

 

[Judge]

It seems to me this is when one Aspie needs remind the other that their behaviors and traits are on a spectrum. Meaning some apply and others may not. And that those which do may be in very different amplitudes anywhere from barely noticeable to profoundly obvious.

Beyond that are traits and behaviors in which one has some degree of control, or doesn't have control at all.

In other words, a simple message: not all Aspies are created equal. Not all of our thought processes can be mastered with the finesse we want or need. Even with the deep concern of a parent towards their own child.

 

[Licorice]

That communication technique seems confusing to me. It's a lot of feelings-based talk that I would struggle with, so I see where you're coming from there. My job currently involves a lot of helping students with their work, and I sometimes can't tell when someone is genuinely confused about what I'm suggesting or subtly asking for emotional support. Coworkers can. :unsure:

What is a neurotypically-appropriate response, though? A lot of neurotypicals disagree on what's appropriate and what's not. Thus, we have shows like Maury and countless books on getting along with other people.

 

[Warwick C]

Thanks for staring the thread Blade runner, it might in the long term turn out to be a use full thread for others.
I am still trying to work on my communication skills full stop. May be the problem is not that your brain is working to slowly but it has to filter too many thoughts a once for communication.

There is a thread on the brain being over wired.