Comparing myself to others

[Mattymatt]

I find myself having to fight the tendency to compare myself to others. Does anyone else have to actively fight this tendency? It was one of the reasons that I quit Facebook and social media in most of its forms. I saw all of the happy, joyful postings and I felt like an outsider looking in. I suffer from depression and anxiety as well as autism. I am recovering from a prolonged episode of severe depression and I am sort of in that tenuous phase where I could continue to improve or slip back. I've just finally found employment and actually managed 3 full weeks on the job without a meltdown. This is a recent record for me.

Now that things are starting to look brighter, I want more. I would like to start dating again but I put so much weight on during the past three tumultous years that I don't look so good. In fact, I kind of look like I've aged beyond my actual years. Maybe it would be good to just move slowly and gain more confidence? Maybe it would be good to not have the complications that a relationship would entail? Most of my friends are married, have families, and lives of their own. I am simply struggling to get better at executive functioning and self-care but, for the first time in a long time, I am slowly winning the fight.

 

[watersprite]

I like: "could continue to improve." That is what I hope for myself, too.
(I am even wondering about whether I might benefit from getting away from all social interactions for a while.)

 

[Kirsty]

(I am even wondering about whether I might benefit from getting away from all social interactions for a while.)

I've started doing this for my own protection. I’m wanting to live as an artist and lock myself away in my ‘studio’. a.k.a bedroom. Lol. And obviously go out to get primary research when the mood hits me. Honestly, people let me down so much. I’m at the point where I’m like “F**k it.” I’m wasting my time and I want to catch up on my art without trying to make friends.

 

[SusanLR]

I've been going through a grief induced depression for the past four years and just starting to feel a little better.
A bit more independent and stronger.
Anxiety is always a problem anyway with me.
I don't compare myself with others.
Working on feeling better about self is most important.

I also feel keeping social interactions to a minimum right now would be helpful. Relationships can be so unpredictable and energy consuming I think going slow
until I feel more like my old self as much as possible is the best way to go.

 

[Suzanne]

This is honestly not unique to aspies. EVERY human being compares at some point in their life, even some confident ones do too.

I know this one woman, who happens to be very self assured and she came around for a meal and was lavish over praising my kitchen.

Some time after that, I was talking with another ( all spiritual sisters) and she let on that this same sister had said she is discontented with her own kitchen. Her husband is rich enough, that they stayed in a holiday home, whilst getting work men to do their new home up.

I just know that she compared her kitchen to mine and hers came up short in her opinion and was I rather chuffed? Of course I was lol

It is when we are not content with what we are or what we have that we compare.

 

[Progster]

Not any more. And on social media, people tend to only positive things no matter how they feel inside, it's kind of fake and gives a wrong impression because often inside they aren't feeling happy and they are just keeping up appearances, going with the flow.

Comparing yourself to others is futile, because you are your own person and every person is unique, and doing so just leads to feelings of inadequacy and lack of self-esteem.

When I was younger, I was often compared to my older sister and it sometimes used to bother me that I wasn't as successful or popular as she was as I couldn't understand why, but at the same time, I always liked that I was different and didn't really want to be like other people. Since my diagnosis, I just accept that I'm different and it now doesn't bother me in the slightest.

 

[The Midge]

There is nothing wrong with comparing in its self. It is compare and despair that is the problem.

We need to remind ourselves we have strengths (as well as weaknesses). There is probably another genius who is better at something than we are. We can't be good at everything. But what we might consider failed or mediocre might leave someone else jealous.

Sometimes we see a minor flaw that ruins something when no one else notices it, perhaps because they see the whole.

 

[watersprite]

I am not quite sure how to phrase this, but another problematical feature of being around others is that society seems knitted together partly by the action of constantly comparing.

Since I definitely am not interested in the values of most people and do not fit any of the expectations and never have, I had to develop a precise, believable fake-itude in order to minimumally funcrion around people at all.

To be alone is re-charging. But. I don't want alone time to re-fuel just so as to satisfy society's demands that I socialize (use their compare data, like it, agree with it, support it, etc. )

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

but another problematical feature of being around others is that society seems knitted together partly by the action of constantly comparing.

This is the kind of thing I like to make fun of.
Not in a deliberately harmful way but it is amazing how automatic the response can be when you don’t respond in line with a hidden expectation.
Laughter sometimes, ostracised forever at others
Sorts the wheat from the chaff!

 

[Gracey]

Initially to satisfy a curiosity,

Perhaps in a group situation, when amongst others.
What are they doing that I'm not? What is acceptable in this situation? What are the similarities and the differences?

Not to feel sorry for myself at what I may be lacking but to identify what I may need to learn or mimic or try to understand.
(In order to reduce the rejection)


I still do it now sometimes, not as often.
Acceptance may have triumphed curiosity.

 

[Kirsty]

Thank you, Gracey. That helps me a lot. Will keep this in mind today and in the future. ^

 

[Suzanne]

compare and despair

Sadly, this is exactly what I am "guilty" of doing and it certainly makes for a sick body; the sheer dread that coursing through my body is frightening and it is only recognising it, can I now try and do something about it.

 

[Benjamin Dover]

I'll compare myself to others at work, when I have a job. It's usually that other person who gets recognition and respect, two things that are completely elusive to me. I'll want to be more like them. This gets more difficult sometimes, when I notice that it's not what they do or how they do it, but who they are or how they look. Despair and giving up quickly follows.

I also compare myself to others with regard to music ability. I play a few instruments, and there's always someone better. The problem is those musicians, as well as fans, who do all of the comparing on my behalf. You can't play THAT; therefore, you stink. Despair and giving up quickly follows.