Hello
@JasonSD,
Read and research as much as you can handle.
Quietly observe step son,
Try to always include mum in this.
Might I ask, was there one thing or several that pointed you in the direction of autism with your step son?
These are the things I have noticed that have made me question this:
- He is very concerned with routine and things being done the same way all the time. He threw a fit not too long ago because his sister poured milk in his bowl before she poured the cereal in.
- He obsesses over doing something and will not drop it until that thing is done. He got money from my mother for his birthday and he kept asking us to get his piggy bank down off of a high shelf so he could put it in there. We were making dinner at the time so we told him we'd help him with it later. He asked a few more times, and we kept telling him he'd have to wait. Then he started looking around the house and we asked him what he was looking for and he said a stepstool, so he could get his piggy bank and put the money in it. He gets set on these things and will not rest or do anything else until it is done.
- If something is outside of the norm, he obsesses over it. If you use the microwave and forget to clear remaining cook time, so it says 1:13 for example, he will continue to observe and mention that the microwave says 1:13, but the oven says (whatever the actual time is). He will keep doing this until the microwave is cleared so it displays the time.
- He is obsessed with video games and talks about them non-stop if he is not actually playing them. He will stay up all night playing them if we do not take his devices and make him go to sleep. He comes up with very detailed and drawn out scenarios in his head surrounding the games he plays when he is not playing them. It gets to the point where we have to ask him to stop talking about it because he just goes on and on and you can't get anything done like cooking dinner or cleaning because he is following you around explaining in detail this video game scenario.
- Sleep is another issue. He often tries to delay bedtime as much as possible, and when he does go to bed, we often hear him talking, singing, or otherwise making noise until he finally falls asleep, sometimes hours later.
- Sleep, among other things have causes issues at school, as his teacher has told us that he falls asleep in class, lies down on the floor at inappropriate times, and is otherwise defiant and not cooperative because he is tired. We moved his bedtime up 30 minutes due to this feedback, but because of the point above, it hasn't really made much difference.
- We periodically get reports from the teacher about behavior problems at school, however this has been less and less as time has gone on. My concern is that the teacher has stopped trying or at least stopped telling us about it. He tells us things she says to him like we should take away his video games, so part of my concern is that maybe she is mistreating him because of his behavior, but not truly addressing it with us.
- Over the last couple years, our family has suffered losses of one close family member as well as two beloved family pets. Our other two children, and my wife and myself were emotional and upset at these losses. When we had to break the news of these things to the kids, he would either make comments that were seemingly unrelated, or just wanted to know when we would be 'done' so he could play. I have never seen him cry or be upset about something like this. I think I've only seen him cry out of frustration/anger or when he is in trouble.
- He seems to have trouble showing affection. Our 10 year old will cuddle with us, loves hugs, as does our increasingly independent 14 year old. I don't know if I've ever seen him seek out affection from me or his mom or dad. He also makes us nervous with out he is with our pets. He is attempting to love them but seems to pet them extra hard and manhandle them to the point where they just run away from him.
- It often takes him a long time to get thoughts out. He kind of stutters and stammers and says "umm-a, umm-a" a lot between words. His speech does not seem as fluid as other kids his age.
- More recently, it came to light that he had not been wiping after going #2. He also avoids brushing his teeth and bathing/showering if he can, and he lies about if he has brushed his teeth.
Sorry for the lengthy list/post. I am sure there are more things I have noticed but they aren't coming to me right now. As far as involving his mom, that is where I am struggling. She has a friend with an autistic son and has commented to me how she admires her friend and didn't know how she could do it, and that she was glad her kids were 'normal'. I believe she will take it very hard and lash out at me if I bring this up to her and I have been trying to figure out a way to do it.
Having not had kids prior to this marriage, I have had a hard time deciding if any of these are truly signs of him being on the spectrum, or if he is just an 8 year old, and a boy at that (we boys have a reputation of being more difficult than our sisters
).
) 
