Rye
New Member
I've been considering receiving a diagnosis to clear up my concern on whether or not I have Asperger's syndrome, but I feel embarrassed and discouraged to ask my parents for a diagnosis because they have been dismissive of other issues before. I was formally diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, but the more I compare the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome to attention deficit disorder to what I display superficially and internally, the more I believe myself to have Asperger's syndrome. I have been reading the two disorders religiously for the past year, but I can't find the courage to talk to someone with a more legitimate form of education to screen this self. I know what to do but I'm unsure on how I should go about doing it. I've considered two options: waiting until I am eighteen and save money to schedule a visit with a psychologist or telling half-truths so that I may see someone for my depression. I'm leaning on the latter because it has become to the point where I think about it obsessively, but I'm going off on a tangent here. Could anyone help my mind come to a solid consensus on how to go about this?
Here is a list of observations I've made of myself for those interested:
Here is a list of observations I've made of myself for those interested:
- Specific pattern of clothing, I wear specific outfits in varying orders throughout the weekdays.
- I enjoy food plain or very lightly spiced, I used to have a sensory issue that would make my mouth tingle and "lock" up if a flavor was strong. I have it every now and then but it's rather rare to happen.
- When a plate enters the sink, I consider it "disgusting" to even think about it being reused until it has been properly washed.
- Sensitivity to cold, I very rarely have the A/C on in my car because it makes my body feel rigid and uncomfortable.
- There are certain sounds that I find particularly maddening, (buzz of a fly, heavy bass in music, and few other things that I consider obnoxious.)
- I have a very broad range of interests, but I have an encyclopedic knowledge of each thing I have become interested in: psychology and sociology, structure of language, biology, pharmacology, meteorology, philosophy and ethical theory, civilization and history, astronomy, theoretical physics, relativity, American law, and the list goes on. There were times in my earlier youth that I dabbled in Latin by stealing my brother's Latin text books. I never fully learned how to speak it, but it has definitely helped me understand the romantic languages and English words with Latin origin without really knowing the definition or language.
- I am abysmal with mathematics partially because I am heavily uninterested in the courses provided, although I have regained interest in it as of late with my calculus class.
- People have told me that I lack expression and my voice is monotone even though I feel otherwise. I've come to terms with it and accepted that my perception of self is not always correct.
- In addition to lack of expression, my humor is generally misinterpreted as being serious, and has gotten me into awkward positions where I had to explain myself.
- I absolutely detest social situations, I actively avoid when the social situation entails large crowds of people.
- A lot of phrases require myself to analyze the context in which the word is used and why it is used. I used never really understood phrases, "like shooting fish in a barrel," because I'd ask myself, "why would fish be in a barrel in the first place?" I'd be over-analytical of things people say, and I still am, but I've become faster at understanding things people say.
- There are certain textures and sounds associated with the textures that used to make my body cringe even at the thought of it: cotton and the sound of rubbing cotton together, the feeling of felt, feeling of chalk, chalkboards, and the sound of chalk running against chalkboards. I hated it and I am so glad I'll never have to deal with chalk again.
- As previously stated, I was professionally diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, severe (and later clinical) depression, and recently with anxiety partially because I don't display the emotional response to anxiety, I just feel anxiety physically, if that makes sense.
- Handwriting has been awful up until last year when I made an active attempt to improve it. I remember my mother making me repeatedly write out numbers because it was almost impossible to know what I was writing if you weren't me.
- In regards to the diagnosis, I was twelve at the time, and I recall having a near-genius I.Q. in language, below average in maths, and an overall score of 115. I really don't find I.Q. to be a great measurement of intelligence, but I guess psychologists would promptly disagree with me.
- I lack empathy and understanding on how to help someone going through a rough time. I typically offer advice from an objective stance, but people rarely listen to my advice which is something that I have trouble understanding. Why do people only want to hear good things? There is a reason why someone feels the way that they do, and telling someone that it's, "going to be alright," is not really going to help anything but offer temporary consolation. I want to offer possible solutions to problems, not tell them nice things.
- I very rarely engage in social activity as previously stated. I could be seen as schizotypal, but it's not that I make a conscious choice in avoiding people, I just feel much happier with having to deal with less people than an average person would typically enjoy.
- My longest "romantic" relationship was six months, and the reason for failure has been a rather common theme throughout most of them: "too weird," which is a blow to my self-esteem and I'm currently at a point where I haven't tried to look for another partner because I deem it a waste of time and energy.
- Sometimes I make references to (minor) details that others don't really remember.
- I structure my day in groups of hours. 5:50-7:20, I ready myself for school; 7:20-40, I drive to school; 7:40-2:50, I attend school. 2:50-1:10, I research topics, play video games, drink my daily cup of coffee, or maybe if I am lonely, I talk to someone for a few hours. My daily structure become much more complex when my parents are out of town, and it does make me anxious and upset when others don't seem to care much about punctuality.
- There are times when I cannot articulate my thoughts into words, ( I think in images and words,) and it becomes really discouraging when I want to talk to someone about something to the point where I have begun writing my thoughts and planning out my conversation before I talk to someone about it, or I simply draw it on a piece of paper what I am thinking to help others visualize what I too am thinking.
- In regards to the tactile sensory issues associated with the spectrum, most of my early issues with this have dissipated, but I do still have issues with hearing, observing constantly, and interpreting pain.
