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Condescending Attitude

H

Harry1965

Active Member
One of my new buddies recently told me I was condescending and patronising to him and other people I really like.

I don't want to be that way but I can't even tell when I'm being condescending or patronising to those I love.

I had to look up the meaning of the words to work out what I said or did but I can't figure it out.

Any suggestions?
 
I have had complaints about this as well

Can't say for you but for me it was the fact that I always want to help people with practical tips, combining that with rigid thinking and a tendency to end up in discussions my good hearted advice tended to come across like a police officer enforcing some law.

Maybe this sounds anywhere familiar? Otherwise you have one less option to look into
 
My first response would be "if you don't do anything stupid, I wouldn't have to be condescending to you". That said... I think some people feel attacked a bit too fast. People can't deal with a bit of criticism anymore (me included; I take that terrible; even moreso if it's something I can't even remotely agree with). The trick however is; and this goes for many situations; don't give unsollicited advice. Forums might be different, as they're there for these things I suppose, but in real life conversations, they often seem to be interpreted really wrong.
 
My husband is the one who says I often adopt a condescending attitude with him and I can't deny it, because of how frustrated I can get with - apparently, what only I consider logical! I am told: men and women think differently ( for me, still working my way around that one, because it is easily thrown around, but what does it mean: men and women think differently)?

No one else has said it, because the relationship is not quite that close, but I am sure if it were, I would be told the same, as it is true, I can seem credulous if someone cannot seem to see the obvious ( oh my! Such a work on, to appreciate that what I see as obvious, others may not)!!!
 
My ex used to tell me I was condescending all the time, as well. I could never actually figure out what she meant. I never thought I was right or she was wrong. I never treated her like she was stupid or her opinion didn't matter. The only thing that I ever thought might be the problem was the way she responded with opinions and emotion. Where as I tried to use logic and facts.

***Lightbulb***
Could it be condescending to use logic and facts when your having an illogical argument or discussion?
 
Nisk said:
***Lightbulb***
Could it be condescending to use logic and facts when your having an illogical argument or discussion?
Click to expand...

That depends on how stubborn people are.

Some people are irrational and point out you're condescending. The easy way out usually is "let's agree to disagree" so no one gets their feelings hurt, yet for some reason, in my experience, it's usually the ones that are irrational... who on top of that, have an irrational need to settle it and push their view upon someone.
 
King_Oni said:
That depends on how stubborn people are.

Some people are irrational and point out you're condescending. The easy way out usually is "let's agree to disagree" so no one gets their feelings hurt, yet for some reason, in my experience, it's usually the ones that are irrational... who on top of that, have an irrational need to settle it and push their view upon someone.
Click to expand...

Oh I know and at the time saying "let's agree to disagree" has resulted in being told I'm being even more condescending.
 
Nisk said:
Oh I know and at the time saying "let's agree to disagree" has resulted in being told I'm being even more condescending.
Click to expand...

I should find that funny or hilarious... but come on...

It's like some people like to argue for the sake of arguing... (and I'm not even taking in consideration the vast amount of keyboard warriors)
 
King_Oni said:
I should find that funny or hilarious... but come on...

It's like some people like to argue for the sake of arguing... (and I'm not even taking in consideration the vast amount of keyboard warriors)
Click to expand...

Yep irrational doesn't even hit the mark, unstable is closer. She has been diagnosed and misdiagnosed with so many mental issues. It just became hard to keep track. Probably why she's gonna remain the ex.
 
I hear this when I'm pointing out the obvious. Try changing how you present your statement. In example, one woman I knew was having some trouble cooking some dish or another, and instead of saying "you forgot to drain the grease from the meat" I presented it as a question like "would draining the meat beforehand solve the problem?" After a bit of practice, I got the Genuinely Thoughtful and Curious look down pat which really helps sell the point that I'm not intending to attack them.
 
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