• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Confused about death

LostInSilentHill

LostInSilentHill

Terrible Gaurdian Angel
I have always found death to be confusing. I don't get upset and am confused when others do. When my grandmother died (I was 13-14) I wasn't sad, I just felt inconvenienced. The same for anyone I've ever known who has died.

Even more confusing is when people are upset because people they don't know have died, like in the news. 9/11 was very confusing for me because I couldn't understand why people were so upset. They did not even live in the same country. Recently two teenagers died in my city (they were stupid and died because of it) and my mother was so upset, why? She didn't even know their families, let alone the kids.

Another example was in high school. My teacher was sad and told us that her bestfriends mom died. I asked her why she was crying when it wasn't her mother who died and it made her cry more and my classmates were angry with me. I don't understand why she could be upset. It would be reasonable if it was her mother, but not someone else's. Can anyone explain this to me?
 
LostInSilentHill said:
My teacher was sad and told us that her bestfriends mom died. I asked her why she was crying when it wasn't her mother who died and it made her cry more and my classmates were angry with me. I don't understand why she could be upset. It would be reasonable if it was her mother, but not someone else's. Can anyone explain this to me?
Click to expand...
Maybe she was sad for her friend-sad that her friend had died, maybe she had gotten to know her best friend's mom well, and missed her.
 
Clearly you don't have good cognitive empathy, which is fine, it's sort of expected. Some people on the autistic spectrum mourn is different ways.

I think people are upset when other have died because they're thinking about how their loved ones must feel at that moment. They can sort of simulate how they would feel if a loved one of theirs died too. Not having this person around any more is a scary thought, especially if they've been a big part of your life.
 
Me, too. If someone I had no particular connection with dies, I feel nothing. No connection lost, no bond broken. But when my dog died two years ago, I was sad and melancholy for two months.
 
Think that it might have something to do with feeling other peoples pain and sadness when someone dies. If you are with someone who is sad or upset, people near them or around them are affected by said emotions being broadcast in some way. Some pick up on these things, for example commercials or movies or books that display feelings of sadness or happiness.

If someone gives you something, like an idea or a perception, or shows you some kindness, people often remember it. In that way, if there is a relationship however limited, personal or impersonal it creates a connection between the two people. If a writer or a musician or a public figure for example speaks or writes or sings or plays something that affects you, or interests you, or comforts you, then a connection is created. It's these connections to others that are lost when someone dies, and they cause sadness at the loss of the creator of that connection in the memory, which causes an emotional reaction. Probably because there will be no other new insights or interaction in the future.
 
Last edited:
Ylva said:
Me, too. If someone I had no particular connection with dies, I feel nothing. No connection lost, no bond broken. But when my dog died two years ago, I was sad and melancholy for two months.
Click to expand...

I am the same way. I think how a death effects you depends on how much impact that life had on you. People die every day. If every death you know about had a adverse effect on you, you would be in a very bad place mentally. Four years ago I lost my 16 year old dog. That death had a very adverse effect on me, I miss him every day. I think this is because he was my almost constant companion for 16 years and had a big impact on my life.
 
I vary in how I respond to the death of a person I don't know. Like yesterday, my husband was on FB and saw where a cousin's ex-girlfriend's grandmother had died. He told me and I was like, "Oh. OK." I felt nothing because I didn't know this person, had never met them or their grandmother, and failed to see why I should try to dredge up sad feelings in order to relate. If that person had been in our living room and received the news of her grandmother's passing, I would probably have felt more of an emotional response, maybe. Another time I was watching a television program and there was a scene where someone started to get choked up and I unexpectedly started to choke up too. Go figure! :confused::rolleyes:
 
When my grandma was dying (I was 12) I was horribly anxious about it but not upset per se. Then at her funeral my younger cousins were bawling hysterically I felt sad but not to that extent. I forced myself to cry and ended up getting really worked up but probably not for the reasons people thought I was. Also before I had kids I couldn't understand why people were so angry and upset when a child got killed accidentally or even murdered. It sounds terrible I know.
 
I only feel sorry when people I have known die. Specially if they were kind people that made me feel cosy. I feel bad about their dying because they won't be able to make me feel well anymore. And I also feel bad that they died because I think about how many people he/she was helping and comforting too; and this void makes me feel bad.

If someone dies that I didn't know, I just don't care either. But it's different with animals because I can feel their thoughts and their impotence towards this human society. I feel like they don't have control over any situation with humans and I feel that's injust. That's why I am so sensitive to any kind of animal getting hurt -except insects, they are said to have such a small brain that they don't even feel-.
 
Skeleton Canyon said:
Ive always found death fascinating tbh.
Is that morbid?
Click to expand...


Literally, according to dictionary terms. But then I suspect most people do to some extent. I suppose it all comes down to what subjectively constitutes "abnormal and unhealthy" interest in such a subject.

Would we condemn any pathologist or coroner for being morbid? Probably not. Yet consider their dedication and fascination of death given what it takes to attain such a professional distinction.

My greatest fascination is with totalitarian systems. Then there's the paranormal world too. Pretty dark stuff. ;)
 
LostInSilentHill said:
No but that sounds interesting... wait was that the one done by neo-nazi's?
Click to expand...

You're probably thinking of Anders Breivik, The right-wing extremist who went on a shooting rampage at a Norwegian summer camp as well as set off a bomb in a government building in Oslo.
 
LostInSilentHill said:
No but that sounds interesting... wait was that the one done by neo-nazi's?
Click to expand...

Ylva said:
More like devil worshippers, if I recall correctly.
Click to expand...

The story behind those burnings was mostly related to the rise of a subgenre within heavy metal music going by the name "Black metal". Plenty of it can be attributed to affiliations with anything but christianity (which might cover pagan beliefs as well as satanism).

That scene, during it's rise was one that included church burnings, murder and suicide (of bands within the genre at times). It did put the genre on the map at the time, and 20 something years later still is one of the "cornerstones" that defines the genre, but isn't as prevalent anymore.

Anyone interested might consider looking up the book Lords of Chaos by Michael Moynihan and Didrik Soderlind (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lords_of_Chaos_(book)). There are also plans for a movie based on the book (but they have been around for at least the last 5 years)
 
Yes, I can perfectly relate to what you say here. I don't understand the, rather strange in my view, attitude that so many have towards death. I mean, why be upset? It's an inevitable outcome of one's life that no one can avoid, and crying about it doesn't help. We are born, we live, we die. That's just the way things are, and it's not like we will actually be aware of our own non-existence when we finally die.

When Princess Diana was killed, most of us will still remember how so many reacted to the news; as though a very close, personal relative had died, but such a reaction from those who displayed it was completely illogical (and therefore absurd). Same with the events of the 11th of September, 2001. Tragic, yes, but bad things happen to good people all the time, so we just need to get over it and move on. It may sound callous to some, but people die all the time, it's no big deal, it's the way nature works. Can you imagine how horrible (not to mention crowded) the world would be if no one ever died? It would be hell.
 
Bellatrix said:
Yes, I can perfectly relate to what you say here. I don't understand the, rather strange in my view, attitude that so many have towards death. I mean, why be upset? It's an inevitable outcome of one's life that no one can avoid, and crying about it doesn't help. We are born, we live, we die. That's just the way things are, and it's not like we will actually be aware of our own non-existence when we finally die.
Click to expand...

That's exactly how I feel, but when I try to explain this to other people they really don't understand. I think it would be horrible to be so afraid of death like people seem to be. Even my own mortality doesn't cause me anxiety, though I am in no hurry to die (to many books I haven't read yet XD).
 
Honestly, for me death is just an event. As I understand it, people who cry for people they have never heard about before are just attention-seeking people, or hypocrites. I really don't see why they'd be sad. If someone I used to call an asshole dies, I still call him an asshole (though a dead one - which could even be as a good point...)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom