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Confused and frustrated about my son's assessment

R

rmlav

Member
Hi, everyone! I'm new to the forum and I am looking for advice about my 4 year old son. We have been waiting for 5 months for him to be evaluated for Asperger's/HFA. We finally had our appointment yesterday and they never did a formal evaluation. We met with a doctor and a psychologist for about 40 minutes and they never even interacted with him, they just observed him playing on the floor in between us while we talked. They said he had very apparent attention problems, obvious repetitive behavior (in the form of his Ninja Turtle obsession), and anxiety. They also referred us to a Neurologist for his tics because they were concerned about them, but said they probably wouldn't do anything about the tics given his age and the fact that they aren't completely interfering with his life. They ended our conversation by telling us they didn't feel he met the criteria of an ASD diagnosis because of the way he interacted with me, so they didn't feel an evaluation was necessary. They told me his social deficits and anxiety were probably a result of my being a stay at home parent, and that I should take away his Ninja Turtles and force him to participate in other activities. Should I trust their opinions given their expertise, or should I seek a second opinion? I just feel like all the issues they told me to keep an eye on are consistent with an ASD diagnosis and he should be further evaluated to rule that possibility out. I'm so confused :(
 
They said a kid had anxiety and social difficulty because he had a stay at home parent? What the heck!!??! Stay at home parenting does not cause those things. Especially not anxiety.
I'm a professional preschool teacher, by the way, and many of the people I have known working in the field of preschools think that it would be better for kids if a parent could stay home with them, although we know that many parents can't
 
They way I understood what they were saying is they feel like I didn't do enough to get him in social situations from a young age, and now that he is in preschool it is causing him anxiety and he doesn't know how to properly socialize. Basically he's just too attached to me. They said me getting him into school and around other kids was the best thing I could have done for him. Not that I don't agree, he needs to be around other kids, it just made me feel like this is all my fault and I'm doing something wrong.
 
IT doesn't sound, by the way, like they said he definitely doesn't have ASD. It sounds more like they just didn't feel they had enough evidence to give him a diagnosis. Refraining from giving a diagnosis is different from saying someone certainly doesn't have something.
 
Ste11aeres said:
IT doesn't sound, by the way, like they said he definitely doesn't have ASD. It sounds more like they just didn't feel they had enough evidence to give him a diagnosis. Refraining from giving a diagnosis is different from saying someone certainly doesn't have something.
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I guess the way I took it was that they felt he definitely didn't, since they didn't give me any other things to watch for in the future and they didn't formally screen him. This whole thing is totally foreign to me, and I knew absolutely nothing about ASD 6 months ago, so I guess I didn't really know there was a difference between saying he definitely doesn't and not giving a diagnosis. I guess it's not really that cut and dry.
 
A bit of separation anxiety and shyness seems reasonable if he isn't used to being away from you, but the fact that you're concerned enough to think about other causes suggests to me that there's a lot more going on. Also telling you to take away his favourite toys seems a bit harsh to me, and counter productive if he's already unsettled, but I'm nothing like an expert, so that doesn't mean much. I'd say if your not happy with their conclusions, go for a second opinion. Even if you don't get a diagnosis they may give you better advise on how to help him, and put your mind to rest.
 
Poopy on them. I'd get a second opinion. My toddler has been nearly as isolated as a prairie homesteader in the 1800s, and his social skills are just fine. Just today he patted an old lady on the back at the checkout and said "hi" to everybody he passed by. (Okay, so maybe he has a lot to learn about being reserved in public.) My mom homeschooled me for several years, and I do just fine. I HIGHLY doubt you being a stay-at-home parent with an always-home kid has ruined your youngun. It's natural for plenty of kids to be anxious in school. If he has standard jitters, they'll clear up in a few weeks, just like standard anxiety with starting school for the first time and being away from their parents.

It might not hurt to encourage him to try other activities, but cutting him off cold-turkey from his turtles could have a serious backlash. Autistic or not, kids take a ton of comfort from whatever fascination they latch on to. A security blanket if you will. Leaving them in the cold without that blanket is prone to causing resentment and a desire to start hiding their fascinations and keeping secrets.
 
I don't feel like this is just a normal anxiety about school. He has been going there since August and he clings to my leg as soon as we step foot in the building. He has a little ritual of things he has to say/do before I can leave and if we don't do those things he gets upset. The teacher said every morning he acts nervous when they first get in the classroom, but he then asks her to read him a certain book and after he is okay. She said he is quiet and reserved, but there is one kid in particular he plays with. He keeps his distance from the rest. The biggest thing that bothers me is that in the 3 months he has been in this class, he has only learned one of the other kids' names. He doesn't even know the boy's name that the teacher said he plays with every day, and there are only 10 kids in his class. The one name he does know is a kid that also likes ninja turtles and that is pretty much the only criteria you need to meet to be cool in my son's book :) They used to play ninja turtles on the playground together when it was warm, but any time this other kid wanted to do something else,(swing, sandbox, etc.), my son would get upset. The school finally told him to save the ninja turtle stuff for home because it was a distraction, which I completely understand. I tried to get him involved in something else today, and it went just about as expected. I'm going to try to broaden his interests just a little bit again tomorrow. I'm definitely not going to take them away altogether.
 
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