confused and looking for some answers

[Droneflyer33]

First time poster here. Our son is a little over 2.5 years old. (Birthday in May). Our son has been behind in milestones i.e. walking, speech, crawling. When he started walking he toe walked. It was determined however that he had a stiff ankle requiring foot plates and braces that we applied to his feet and legs every night. His speech was very behind, and our local hospital evaluated his speech and recommended weekly therapy which he gets 3 times a week. We had him evaluated by 2 OT and both said that his fine and gross motor skills were on track for his age. Per our pediatrician, we had him evaluated for delays. The developmental pediatrician recommended an autism evaluation which we refused. We were told by friends, and others that he would catch up and that we didn't need to worry. He's currently super hyperactive, cant sit still, cant focus on tasks, talks and rambles 24/7. We started really seeing the problems when we enrolled him in a kiddie soccer league and saw how the other kids performed in the class. He doesn't listen, invades peoples personal space and runs all over the field not participating with the other kids. My questions are as follows.

1. does this sound like autistic behavior?
2. can he have another hyperactivity disorder such as ADHD or ADD?
3. how much of this is normal toddler behavior?
4. what forms of therapy besides speech therapy should i enroll him in?

Thank you all for your help and suggestions.

 

[Tom]

Organized sports at 2.5 years seems too early. I don't think you really can start reasoning with kids, any kids, till 5-7. Running around doing their own thing sounds pretty on point for the terrible twos.

 

[TheGrimmRetails]

Is this your first child?

Your child may have some issues related to health and speech, but every child develops differently. I'm sure you're surrounded by advice from parents, stuff you're seeing in the news and online, and it's giving you anxiety about how the world is going to perceive you and your child.

It's a scary time we live in. The world places unrealistic expectations on us and now there's all of this extra information out there that empowers the less informed to tell us how we should or should not be living our lives.

If you think he might be autistic, the only thing you can realistically do is take him to an autism specialist to have him evaluated. But any behavior can "seem like autistic behavior" to someone who isn't qualified to diagnose it.

 

[Matthias]

First time poster here. Our son is a little over 2.5 years old. (Birthday in May). Our son has been behind in milestones i.e. walking, speech, crawling. When he started walking he toe walked. It was determined however that he had a stiff ankle requiring foot plates and braces that we applied to his feet and legs every night. His speech was very behind, and our local hospital evaluated his speech and recommended weekly therapy which he gets 3 times a week. We had him evaluated by 2 OT and both said that his fine and gross motor skills were on track for his age. Per our pediatrician, we had him evaluated for delays. The developmental pediatrician recommended an autism evaluation which we refused. We were told by friends, and others that he would catch up and that we didn't need to worry. He's currently super hyperactive, cant sit still, cant focus on tasks, talks and rambles 24/7. We started really seeing the problems when we enrolled him in a kiddie soccer league and saw how the other kids performed in the class. He doesn't listen, invades peoples personal space and runs all over the field not participating with the other kids. My questions are as follows.

1. does this sound like autistic behavior?
2. can he have another hyperactivity disorder such as ADHD or ADD?
3. how much of this is normal toddler behavior?
4. what forms of therapy besides speech therapy should i enroll him in?

Thank you all for your help and suggestions.

I don't know much about toddlers but loneliness can explain many of the problems you described. People often talk excessively and ramble because they're lonely. He may cope by invading peoples personal space because it helps him feel closer to people. Loneliness can cause emotional distress that makes it hard to focus and sit still. Hyperactivity is exercise which is known to alleviate emotional distress. Some children don't listen because they feel like no one listens to them which can cause them to feel lonely. If you listen to him but he frequently senses you are distracted by a TV, cell phone, or other activity when he interacts with you, he may feel like you're not really listening which can result in him feeling lonely.

Some other questions to consider to see if he might be lonely:
How attuned are you to his emotional needs?
Are you able to recognize the emotions he is feeling and help him understand them?
Does he feel like he belongs and is an important part of the family?
Do you respond adequately when he experiences emotional distress?
When your son is excited about something, do you share in his enjoyment through your facial expressions, tone of voice, and verbal responses?
Does he get enough positive interaction with other people?
Does he feel respected, appreciated, and understood to a sufficient degree?

 

[Suzette]

Your son defineately sounds like an average toddler!
Is he your first?

The first one is the worst for your nerves. Everything they do is fraught with importance and intensisty as if you were dropping a neuclear bomb. By the time #2 comes along you are buying them a bomb building kit and saying "have fun sweety!". Seriously, desite your best parenting effort, the kid will be fine!

Joking aside though, developmental milestones are just guides. They aren't time tables. Every child will lag in one area compared to their peers. The point of the milestones is to develop an overall picture. Especially at that age, kids often catch up to their peers before school.

Speaking of school, if you decide not to have an asd assment now, don't hesitate if you find your child is having difficulty in school. An asd assessment isn't to label your child. It is to provide you, the parent, with all the information you need to help your kid be their fabulous self.

 

[Hypnalis]

DroneFlyer

Why did you choose not to have your child tested for ASD traits?
Is it too soon to get good results?

BTW - adults on the spectrum aren't going to be a lot better than random strangers (**) at providing information on very young children.


**
There seems to be a genetic element involved in ASD - to some extent it runs in families - but AFAIK it's not strong enough that you'll get a large number of people with useful information here.

(Almost all) adults have very few memories of their lives as children at that age, so being on the spectrum doesn't in itself provide much useful data or insights.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

He's just a little baby still. Let him be snuggly and silly and sassy. Be his guide, showing him the world is a safe place. He doesn't need to use words. I used sign language with my daughter when she was small, and she didn't cry as much, because she was able to sign to me what she wanted to say.

I really think you should have him tested for autism. The services and education you will receive as parents of a disabled child are necessary. And they can teach you things like baby sign language and appropriate parenting skills for disabled children.

Just remember that your little man is still new to the world. It's your job to show him that it is a safe, loving, and kind place. It's your job to teach him about the wonders of fingerpaint, crawling in the grass, and the bliss of eating dry cheerios off his highchair tray.

PBS kids left on in the living room will really help with language ,preschool, and social skills. Get DVDs of Sesame Street, Barney, Thomas the Tank Engine, and others.

Oh! And read to him- and make sure there are lots of board books for him to explore! Talk to him all day. Kind of a long running dialogue, describing everything you're doing.

Play with him! Dinosaurs, Tonka Trucks, toy kitchens and toy workshops, build a big fortress out of blocks. Make him a little bear cave with a cardboard box and pretend you're in the forest. Put on cowboy hats and ride the broom around the house and pretend it's your horse, and then have a "real" cowboy vs outlaw shootout. Cook oatmeal and then let it cool. Let him mash his fingers in it and sculpt with it. He'll love that.

There's so much joy about having a young one.

I used to take long sheets of butcher paper, and tack it to the walls, low down, so my daughter could "color on the walls in every room". I made sure and taught her that these were the special places she could color.

Even if he's nonverbal, he's still intelligent and understands everything you say, probably more than you could imagine, since he's autistic. So be gentle with him, and be very careful about what is said in his presence.

Be his best friend, these years don't last long. And you'll miss it all too soon.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Here are some more fun ideas:

Get an old magazine or newspaper, and let him tear it into little strips and make a big heap of messy paper That helps with fine motor skills.

Make sure he has lots of teddy bears to hug, and also that you are available to snuggle many times a day.

Let him go outside in any weather, exploring all the fun of the natural world. There's no such thing as bad weather- only bad clothing.

When you're cooking in the kitchen, let him be your little helper. Say "Okay, now we need to add the vanilla. Will you hold the teaspoon while I pour it? Okay, now pour it into the bowl." It's fun to play while you're cooking too, simply give him a plastic bowl and a little spatula and he can stir the pretend food on the floor.

Let him help you clean up. Little kids love that. Sing "Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere! Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share." Give him a little cloth to dust with.

Let him help you vacuum. And yes, letting him stand on the vacuum while you use it counts as helping.

Let him know how big and strong and safe and protective you are. Lay on the floor and put him on your feet and let him fly in the sky. Carry him up on your shoulders. And just talk to him. Always talk, always in a friendly, loving voice.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

On the other hand,...what is the harm in having him evaluated for autism? After reviewing the testing he might not,...but as you suggest,...perhaps something else,...or perhaps, all is normal for a 2.5yr old.

In my own life experience,...I wish I would have known I had autism much earlier in life. It would have changed my whole attitude, my thoughts, my behaviors,...and I think I would be better for it.

 

[Aneka]

First time poster here. Our son is a little over 2.5 years old. (Birthday in May). Our son has been behind in milestones i.e. walking, speech, crawling. When he started walking he toe walked. It was determined however that he had a stiff ankle requiring foot plates and braces that we applied to his feet and legs every night. His speech was very behind, and our local hospital evaluated his speech and recommended weekly therapy which he gets 3 times a week. We had him evaluated by 2 OT and both said that his fine and gross motor skills were on track for his age. Per our pediatrician, we had him evaluated for delays. The developmental pediatrician recommended an autism evaluation which we refused. We were told by friends, and others that he would catch up and that we didn't need to worry. He's currently super hyperactive, cant sit still, cant focus on tasks, talks and rambles 24/7. We started really seeing the problems when we enrolled him in a kiddie soccer league and saw how the other kids performed in the class. He doesn't listen, invades peoples personal space and runs all over the field not participating with the other kids. My questions are as follows.

1. does this sound like autistic behavior?
2. can he have another hyperactivity disorder such as ADHD or ADD?
3. how much of this is normal toddler behavior?
4. what forms of therapy besides speech therapy should i enroll him in?

Thank you all for your help and suggestions.

I agree with Tom and wouldn't recommend team sports before pre-school (children will only develop the social skills necessary to participate in team sports around age 6). Let him choose what he enjoys best and watch which activities he prefers during play. Playing is the most important activity for a child. Playing is only playing when the child choses an activity on their own. All those courses and clubs are not necessary for your child's development.
Don't worry too much about delays but get in touch with professionals. Every child has their own pace.

 

[Aneka]

You could also make an appointment to check out his hearing, just to exclude physical causes.

 

[Matthias]

On the other hand,...what is the harm in having him evaluated for autism?

It could be extremely harmful if he meets the criteria for ASD. If he's diagnosed with ASD, doctors will ignore anything that could be causing his symptoms (since they will be attributed to ASD), thereby preventing a cure, and focus on covering up his symptoms with very expensive treatments such as behavioral interventions and psychiatric drugs that are highly profitable for the medical industry but often very harmful for those who receive them. Abuse and neglect by a medical industry that focuses on $$$$$$$$ instead of people can lead to a lifetime of misery.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I am not going to disagree that there is the risk of that, however, I don't think physicians have as much influence on their patients as they once did,...both good and bad. Not everyone does their own research on things,...but often parents do now-a-days. The hard part is directing parents towards good information and away from the "bad apples" in the field that have some rather aberrant, unproven ideas being pushed on their own websites and "concerned parent groups". There has been a bit of a push away from the medical establishment due to social media,...both good and bad,...and an overall desire to find a more holistic approach to these things,...both good and bad. I am one of those people that, so far, has managed myself holistically,...using the available applicable science as published on PubMED and Google Scholar. I'm a parent, I work with infants and children, and some of my co-workers I speak to regularly have children with autism,...so from that perspective,...although your personal experience appears to be that of distrust,...that hasn't been my experience. However, I am not going to minimize your experience, either.

I think you have to go into these things with your eyes open and decide what is ultimately best for your child. As I mentioned earlier, I wish I knew about my autism much earlier in life.

 

[MyLifeAsAnAspie]

I could go either way on the evaluation at this time. He seems to already be getting the help he needs, speech and OT evaluation. It sounds like the idea now is if it is at all possible they are ASD evaluate them as young as possible. Certainly provide him with every opportunity to socialize with other kids and quality time with adults. And preschool would be important for him and that's where you might see a reason to get him diagnosed if not now. Don't worry about him but also don't fear getting him evaluated.

 

[OkRad]

Be very careful about what you choose to do. If you son does not have autism and is labeled as so, it will effect him for life. It was be who he is and that is what people will see first.

If there is any way to work with him, home school him, support him and ride it out, try to do so. Not everyone needs a label and not everyone needs outside help.