Constantly embarrassing myself makes it hard to have confidence

[pelecanus87]

I notice that a lot of people who have confidence give you the feeling that they are "in control" and can handle any situation that is thrown at them. Conducting themselves this confident, self-assured way seems to become a significant part of their identity. I understand that there is a lot more to a person's overall character than just how they conduct themselves in public settings, but there seems to be a lot of weight placed on this.

In my case, I want to try to talk myself into having confidence, but my identity in social settings just seems to be largely based around my own foolhardiness. I do believe there are some good things about me, but it's amazing how hard it is to not let the embarrassment ruin my self-image.

 

[Origins]

I got it. I frequently ask myself, Why can’t I be just like them? I think Im an aspie with a very rough and tough childhood, talk about milk allergy, sensitivity to heat, being severely underweight, and being bullied in school.

Somehow, I slowly overcame these issues in my adulthood. It was like a miracle. I study carefully how confident people act, speak, and carry themselves in the crowd. Then I imitate them, I imagine how they would respond in some situations, etc. It is really hard but I just keep going.

Whenever I fail and get embarrassed (which happens a great deal of the time), my mantra is, ‘I will do better next time.’ I keep a mental note of how to improve myself or my work..

Best of luck..

 

[Progster]

Yes, it's tough - it's really hard to gain self confidence, it's not like it has an on and off button that you can just press and it will be ok, it takes a lot of courage to dare to be confident and assertive, but once you make that step and dare to speak out and express yourself, be who you really are, and you see that doing so had no negative consequences, it becomes easier.

People who appear to be confident are often not really confident inside, they are often putting on an act. Inside they are often very anxious, but don't let it show.

 

[Suzanne]

Oh wow, you have just said exactly how I have felt for years! In fact, I feel unhinged when around confident people, because it seems that it is alien to them to experience all we do and yes, I feel so awfully clumsy.

I also find that what I am wearing, dictates whether I feel ok or not. Bizarre.

 

[Suzanne]

People who appear to be confident are often not really confident inside, they are often putting on an act. Inside they are often very anxious, but don't let it show.[/QUOTE]

This reminds me of what some people have said of me, that I APPEAR confident, despite how awful I feel inside and I am astonished.

It has been said, though that some can tell when I feel unsure.

 

[Streetwise]

if this something you can practice -practice it that doesn't mean trying to speak it so that it wouldn't be intelligible do it as though you were trying to learn a language .
Think of a goal, think of what is necessary ,what do you get out of doing it.

 

[Pondering]

I find it helpful to present myself with confidence in settings where I'm actually very nervous or anxious. If you put your everything into appearing confident, such as pulling your shoulders back, breathing evenly, and refraining from self-soothing gestures such as clasping one's own wrist or fidgeting, it becomes easier to own up to that confidence. Personally, for me, especially because I'm so inexpressive, a lot of my appearance of confidence stems from appearing completely neutral no matter what I'm feeling.

I hate embarrassing moments. Unfortunately, they happen frequently for me. And I never forget them. But the key is this: 1) think to yourself that nobody is going to remember said embarrassing moment, and 2) even if they do, you can always own up to it and say to them 'Yeah, it did happen. So what?'. If you don't show that it bothers you, no one will see it as a weak spot, and no one will use it to pick on you. If you don't make a big deal out of it, they won't make a big deal out of it. Then that moment of embarrassment has no power over you. You don't have to be confident to show confidence. If you can't brush it off, act like it. Because let's be honest: everyone has embarrassing moments. Everyone.

 

[Streetwise]

welcome

I got it. I frequently ask myself, Why can’t I be just like them? I think Im an aspie with a very rough and tough childhood, talk about milk allergy, sensitivity to heat, being severely underweight, and being bullied in school.

Somehow, I slowly overcame these issues in my adulthood. It was like a miracle. I study carefully how confident people act, speak, and carry themselves in the crowd. Then I imitate them, I imagine how they would respond in some situations, etc. It is really hard but I just keep going.

Whenever I fail and get embarrassed (which happens a great deal of the time), my mantra is, ‘I will do better next time.’ I keep a mental note of how to improve myself or my work..

Best of luck..