Coping with a high stress job

[tarview]

I need some input from my fellow Aspies.

I've just recently come to the realization that I have AS. Not officially diagnosed, but it's almost a certainty.

Anyway, finding out in the middle of my life like this is kind of a jolt. I've never been good at keeping a job and never understood why. Now I do. Unfortunately, the job I currently have is one of those jobs.

I'm a salesperson for a cell phone company. Now, on the surface that might seem like a great job for an Aspie because of my technical knowledge. And on the face of it, it is.

The problem is, it's a sales job. And not just a passive, can-I-help-you-with-something?-no-just-looking-okay-I'll-be-over-here-if-you-need-something kind of a sales job. It's an up in the customer's face, high pressure, competitive sales job. I even had to report one of my fellow salespeople for taking advantage of my passive personality and stealing customers from me.

For the past week, my boss has been on vacation and so her boss is watching the store. It's just me and him. I sort of welcomed the opportunity to learn from him, but he's really been on me about being more vocal and assertive.

So, the other day, I typed out my entire pitch on my phone and even used all caps for the dialog so I'd remember to "shout" (which no one else considers a shout). The next morning, I was ready to go. The first customer came in and I did great. I was assertive. I met them at the door. I smiled. I looked them in the eye. I made small talk. And, in the end, I got a sale.

When the customer left, I expected praise from the boss. Instead, I got critiqued for "a lot of silence" during the interaction. I was confused by that because I thought I did a lot of talking. Well, it turned out that the boss was on the phone for a good portion of the interaction, so he didn't really see all of the effort I was putting out there. I had to call in to customer service at one point and THAT was the silence he was talking about - me waiting on hold. While I was making the call, the customer had stood up and was looking around at the phones. So, there wasn't really any way for me to continue my small talk. (At least, I don't think there was...)

It really annoyed me because I got a sale! I don't see why he didn't appreciate what I did. Plus, it was extremely draining for me. So much so that while he and I were talking about the interaction, another customer came in and I completely forgot to be boisterous again. I caught myself and tried to pick it up during the interaction, but then I just felt awkward like I started yelling out of nowhere or something.

That set the tone for the day and I just felt completely awkward and defeated from that point forward. I was off yesterday (thankfully, so I could recharge), but I have to go back today and now I'm starting to feel that familiar "dread" feeling.

Now, most of that was just venting, and I am actively seeking other employment. However, my question is this. How do you cope with a high stress job? Should I tell him I have AS? It seems like that would be a bad idea because he'll probably say, "Then you don't have the skills to do the job" or something. I just really don't know what to do and it's hard to get practical advice from my NT family because I feel like they just don't understand.

So what's your advice?

 

[King_Oni]

Well, my advice would be "quit and look for another job".

However; I do understand that that social security and such for the unemployed, nor support for anyone with a disability towards employment (and thus be a bad fit for certain jobs) is really terrible in some countries. I guess I'm lucky to live in a country that's relatively good with that, hence my options even with a job I don't like are still pretty ok.

I've had a similar job (not selling cellphones, but trying to sell people a change to a new electricity supplier). I lasted about 4 hours (I did have a half day shift my first day), and didn't return afterwards. It was annoying and I'm terrible on the phone in general (I avoid phonecalls in real life as well), but to show that I'm willing to look for any job, I did want to give it a go. But it was stressful and just not for me.

How is your performance on the job? Most of these jobs are salesdriven and not selling enough gives you a bad review. I guess if that's fine, you're not doing that bad, despite your difficulties to communicate effectively. That by itself might be why family members think you do fine. Afterall, you're not fired (yet).

I can understand that it's hard to explain and convince people that a job is not for you. Though I've met plenty of people in my life who clearly were not suited for the job they did. I've worked in a warehouse (and it required no education), I've ended up having to train new employees for some simple tasks and yet I've seen people get fired because they couldn't even do that. It seems that plenty of people never had a serious run in with someone on a job who just couldn't do it at all. (or they just didn't pay attention).

I've ended up having to "excuse" myself during jobs by visiting a therapist, who (before my AS diagnosis) already figured that some types of jobs are not for me, regardless of any skill level.

So I guess to convince people there's the entire route of working until you have a burnout and visiting a mental healthcare professional, or you could look for a job and quit your current job. I wish I could just say "man up" but I know that doesn't work that well in most cases. Not everyone responds the same to stress (nor does everyone experience stress the same way).

 

[Judge]

"Been there, done that, got the t-shirt." I was a helluva multi-lines commercial/personal insurance underwriter. But the legal climate kept evolving against our authority as "enforcers of policy", and so our job evolved with it. From complex enforcement to complex marketing and negotiation.

I'm no salesman/public relations manager and never was. After nearly two decades of struggle, I opted out and on very good terms as the corporation was preparing to sell itself. The agony of taking on a job I never bargained for simply became too much. And yet I struggled with it for years before finally making the right decision, which also involved a very deliberate career change to website design.

The "kicker" ? I wouldn't know about my own autism for another seventeen years! Had I known just how serious my "aversion" to public contact on the job was, I would have left so much earlier. Lucky for me my instincts were still good, despite being unaware of just how neurologically toxic social contacts were for me when it came to making a living.

If such a scenario is overwhelmingly stressful for you, run- don't simply walk away. Save your own life. Stress can be managed, but when it is constant and intense all the time, eventually it might kill you. Life is too short to live like that just to make a good living.

 

[Mattymatt]

I need some input from my fellow Aspies.

I've just recently come to the realization that I have AS. Not officially diagnosed, but it's almost a certainty.

Anyway, finding out in the middle of my life like this is kind of a jolt. I've never been good at keeping a job and never understood why. Now I do. Unfortunately, the job I currently have is one of those jobs.

I'm a salesperson for a cell phone company. Now, on the surface that might seem like a great job for an Aspie because of my technical knowledge. And on the face of it, it is.

The problem is, it's a sales job. And not just a passive, can-I-help-you-with-something?-no-just-looking-okay-I'll-be-over-here-if-you-need-something kind of a sales job. It's an up in the customer's face, high pressure, competitive sales job. I even had to report one of my fellow salespeople for taking advantage of my passive personality and stealing customers from me.

For the past week, my boss has been on vacation and so her boss is watching the store. It's just me and him. I sort of welcomed the opportunity to learn from him, but he's really been on me about being more vocal and assertive.

So, the other day, I typed out my entire pitch on my phone and even used all caps for the dialog so I'd remember to "shout" (which no one else considers a shout). The next morning, I was ready to go. The first customer came in and I did great. I was assertive. I met them at the door. I smiled. I looked them in the eye. I made small talk. And, in the end, I got a sale.

When the customer left, I expected praise from the boss. Instead, I got critiqued for "a lot of silence" during the interaction. I was confused by that because I thought I did a lot of talking. Well, it turned out that the boss was on the phone for a good portion of the interaction, so he didn't really see all of the effort I was putting out there. I had to call in to customer service at one point and THAT was the silence he was talking about - me waiting on hold. While I was making the call, the customer had stood up and was looking around at the phones. So, there wasn't really any way for me to continue my small talk. (At least, I don't think there was...)

It really annoyed me because I got a sale! I don't see why he didn't appreciate what I did. Plus, it was extremely draining for me. So much so that while he and I were talking about the interaction, another customer came in and I completely forgot to be boisterous again. I caught myself and tried to pick it up during the interaction, but then I just felt awkward like I started yelling out of nowhere or something.

That set the tone for the day and I just felt completely awkward and defeated from that point forward. I was off yesterday (thankfully, so I could recharge), but I have to go back today and now I'm starting to feel that familiar "dread" feeling.

Now, most of that was just venting, and I am actively seeking other employment. However, my question is this. How do you cope with a high stress job? Should I tell him I have AS? It seems like that would be a bad idea because he'll probably say, "Then you don't have the skills to do the job" or something. I just really don't know what to do and it's hard to get practical advice from my NT family because I feel like they just don't understand.

So what's your advice?

I have a rather poor career track record so I really don't have any advice with exception of telling your boss' boss that the silence was simply that you were on hold waiting and the customer was comfortable looking around the store at the other gadgets. Getting the sale seems to be what is important, and in the end, you achieved the goal. Can you just shrug his criticism off and wait for the next customer(s) and surprise him. Sometimes, it can be better to be underestimated. That way when you come through, you come through big.