Coping with Family Gatherings

[cherryq]

How do you cope with family gatherings?

Personally, I'm already thinking ahead to Thanksgiving and dreading it. I will be spending 4 days at home and 2 days on a train for the holiday. Thursday (on Thanksgiving day) will be with my immediate family (parents, grandmother, possibly my uncle and his wife) and may not be so bad. Friday, my sister, her husband, and their 3 kids will come over, which will be difficult, but I can usually manage to get away for time to calm myself down, etc. Sunday, I'll go to church with my parents, try to talk to as few people as possible, visit with my grandmother, and hopefully stay in my room the rest of the time.

Saturday though, UGH! I'm not looking forward to that. Including aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., there are now 25 of us on my dad's side of the family. I am 7 hours from home, in another state, in graduate school, etc., and because of that, it seems like everyone has questions for me when we see each other. My grandparents' house gets crowded, noisy, and full of many smells (both good and bad). I don't have a space to be by myself. Worse, no one other than my parents know that I really do need alone time and that I get overwhelmed easily (parents are the only ones who know about my AS). I can't even divulge to my grandmother (who would be the most helpful in finding a quiet place to calm down when I need to) because she will immediately compare me to my younger cousin on the Spectrum and determine that I am misinformed about my diagnosis and couldn't possibly need a space for calming myself.

I want to bring a book to the get-together and drown out everyone else by reading, or bring headphones and drown them out with music, but I don't want my family to think I'm rude, either. Suggestions?

 

[The Penguin]

I never enjoy family gatherings. Been several year since I been to one.

I will admit I will visit family next year during February when it Family Day (3rd Monday of February). I'm not visiting everyone. After that visit, I don't know when I visit family again. This visit is more for me to enjoy myself in Toronto as it been a while me vising there.

My life focus is taking care of myself since I didn't have much family support most of my life.

 

[The Penguin]

I want to bring a book to the get-together and drown out everyone else by reading, or bring headphones and drown them out with music, but I don't want my family to think I'm rude, either. Suggestions?

That a hard one.

It similar for me when I use to visit family. No matter what I do, play with a portable game console, listen to music, whatever, I would't consider rude since my family does not notice I'm really there anyways.

 

[Kirsty]

No matter what I do, play with a portable game console, listen to music, whatever, I would't consider rude since my family does not notice I'm really there anyways.

 

[Mia]

It's really the Saturday that will be the most difficult. I come from a really large family. In the past when I've attended these gatherings, spent most of my time in the kitchen, and stayed really busy, or I played all kinds of games with my nephews and nieces.

Then I would propose a walk, and go and do that. At other times, I might go sit in my car for a bit and hide. Once I asked a girlfriend to call me there, so I could go outside and pretend to talk. At other times if it was taking place at my sisters, I would go out and work in her garden, pulling weeds, pruning, all so I could stay outside away from them. At my Mom's house I would fix things, be in the kitchen, so I didn't have to socialize as much with too many people at once.

You could also lie, and say you have a paper due when you return. And go somewhere quiet with books or a laptop. That they would have to accept as necessary.

 

[biblophile]

I find family gatherings to be dull beyond words. I have nothing to say to any body. I usually find myself sitting alone in a corner because I failed to give the expected reply to the other persons small talk. I used to read after being abandoned by family members who got bored talking to me, but that made them angry for some reason, so now I just sit and wait until It is time to go home.

 

[ehmeelu]

I knit. I feel like the rhythm keeps part of my brain busy and if I really don't want to talk I can just say sorry, I'm counting stitches right now...there's nothing like a lace sock to survive a big extended family thing!