LostinThought
Active Member
Hello, i'm a 41 year old male, and i don't express my thoughts very well but here goes. I have been on disability for social phobia and agoraphobia for 8 years now. I recently had to go for a case review. Those things stress me out so much because i have to leave my house. Anyway this time i had to see a psychologist and a counselor. After talking with the counselor for awhile she asked me if i had ever been tested for anything as a child, and i told her no. She told me i had several traits of a disorder not on my mental exam chart. She even went as far as telling me she was sure of a diagnosis but was not able to tell me for i was not her patient. But the more questions i answered the more she kept wanting to tell me, it was driving me crazy. Do not say you know something and not tell me, i obsess over things like that. Anyway, after talking with me and my wife for an hour and a half she told me to please look up social awkwardness and communication problems with anxiety. So I had to because i could not leave the equation unfinished. And one of the first things i found was Asperger's Syndrome, which i had never heard of. But it was a form of autism and i was like no, that's like Downs Syndrome right, maybe it was the syndrome that drew me to that conclusion. I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone with Downs Syndrome or any form of autism but i thought i was normal and people just didn't understand me. The more i researched the more i was being described. For as long as i can remember i have been shy or that's what everyone said about me."He's just shy he will grow out of it". But it's not just shyness, i truly can't have conversations. I don't know how to have small talk or when to talk, so most social interactions are just me listening to people because i don't know what to reply. Or if i say something funny people don't get it. My wife says i come off very rude to people is why, and that i'm uncaring and cold hearted. So i now avoid social interactions as much as possible. I HATE any changes in life, i have a very timed out routine of my days. When i worked i would have meltdowns if my working environment changed, like new people around me, work area was not in MY order, working shorter or longer hours, that would throw my schedule off. I don't like to be touched, my wife would always tell our children to "stay out of your father's bubble". My quirkiness has always just been me but i never felt normal, like on the outside looking in. Envious of relationships on t.v., i analyze dialog and wonder how do they do that. Loud noises get on my nerves, and i get angry quick, restaurants are unbearable for me, the music, loud people talking over the music, the utensils hitting plates is all a nightmare! I have had obsessive hobbies all my life, whenever i found something i liked it consumed me. It was baseball card collecting when i was a child, but way more than that. I had to know everything about them, every member on the team, their stats, when they were born and where. Then it went to movies and actors and video games. I can't play socially but i like MMO's, it is so euphoric to focus on doing quests a certain way to level a character to max level then delete it and do it all over again. It gives me a purpose a goal that relaxes me. After saying all of this do you think Asperger's is what the counselor was thinking i might have. It is driving me crazy not knowing. If you think i may have it, should i talk to my psychiatrist about it. Why has he never mentioned it to me( he is very old, maybe he has not encountered anyone with it). Anyway if you have stayed with my chaotic story thank you.
