Could my father be a very well masked aspie?

[Dadamen]

I started asking myself this question in title.
He has pretty solid social skills and is good at reading people, but he doesn't like much contact with people. He has a few good friends, but doesn't see them very often, one best few times in a year, others once in 1-2 years. He works from home as computer programmer because he likes in more than office. He is obsessed with cycling with both watching all professional cycling races on TV and riding his bike. He gets distressed if it's rainy so he can't ride. But on the other hand he has wide interests and very good general knowledge, he isn't fixated only on cycling.

As far as he spoke me about his childhood and youth, he was pretty typical then. In teen years he had a few really good friends, went out, enjoyed 80s music, played basketball, he was cycling also then, but not obsessive as today.

So, I wonder if he is an aspie because although he is good at social interactions, he doesn't like them very much. So, I suspect that he compensated natural lack of social skills with very well learned social skills on intellectual level. His iq is 150, according to online test.
Could someone with Asperger's mask it so well?

 

[Gift2humanity]

I believe someone with Asperger's can mask it so well.
I have an undiagnosed friend, with good social skills, special interests, likes their comfort zone and hates stress and hassle. They also hate bright light so much they wears sunglasses all year round. They are socially skilled, while being quite shy. Their best friend of over 3 decades suspected autism not just me.

 

[Judge]

Some of us have had nearly a lifetime to learn how to effectively mask ourselves.

The irony in my own case was that I didn't have a clue as to why until around the age of 55.

 

[LadyS]

It took me a while after my own diagnosis to realize that my Dad could also be the same although tough to tell if its ADHD. The traits aren't as apparent but many of them make sense now.. the awkward lack of physical affection, needing to stick to the same routine, not willing to try any new foods, obsession with motion and swinging, etc.

I'm guessing the traits got watered down with age and also being born in a generation where he was forced to mask for survival, where negative behaviors were strongly thwarted during upbringing (tough love), especially in our culture where discipline is beaten into us.

 

[Luc Ienn]

I feel the need to chime in, because reading your thoughts on your father are…eerily similar to mine. He lives on the other side of the country now while I live with my mother, but…

My father is a whiz programmer,
He loves bicycling,
I’m on the spectrum,
I’m pretty sure my stepbrother from him is on the spectrum (he remarried),
He has periods of hyperfocus and burnout,
He’s capable of shutdowns sometimes,
He has few friends, tends to isolate.

I’ve tried to convey to him that it seems like he could be on the spectrum, but he always rejects the idea. He hates the concept of labeling himself. He thinks it would hold him back or something. That…sounds like how I felt about my Aspergers diagnosis for a long time.

I find that ironic because he’s always trying to go on journeys of self discovery…though refuses to take this possibility into account. His choice, but…it would benefit not just me but also my stepbrother if he tried to get screened, or at the least thought more about it. We’d have new ways to connect, all three of us. (Side note, I’m 100% certain my stepmother is also on the spectrum)

This is all anecdote, I don’t know if it helps with your father. I do want to say that if you decide to bring this up with him, I hope he’d react better than my own father did/does.

It would be awesome if doing that gave you two ways to connect further, learning more about yourselves in the process on the infinite path of self discovery.

 

[vergil96]

Could someone with Asperger's mask it so well?

People on the autism spectrum can have very different traits. I have good social skills and varied interests, but I have really bad sensory issues and can't tolerate changes in routine well, have meltdowns, shutdowns, stim a lot, make poor eye contact... I'm also a programmer and need time alone. I'm very passionate about programming amd science.

 

[Alexej]

. the awkward lack of physical affection, needing to stick to the same routine,

needing to have the same routine I have come across, however, lack of physical affection is not a typical autistic trait as far as I have heard, but you learn something new every day

 

[vergil96]

lack of physical affection is not a typical autistic trait as far as I have heard

Touch avoidance

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I feel the need to chime in, because reading your thoughts on your father are…eerily similar to mine. He lives on the other side of the country now while I live with my mother, but…

My father is a whiz programmer,
He loves bicycling,
I’m on the spectrum,
I’m pretty sure my stepbrother from him is on the spectrum (he remarried),
He has periods of hyperfocus and burnout,
He’s capable of shutdowns sometimes,
He has few friends, tends to isolate.

I’ve tried to convey to him that it seems like he could be on the spectrum, but he always rejects the idea. He hates the concept of labeling himself. He thinks it would hold him back or something. That…sounds like how I felt about my Aspergers diagnosis for a long time.

I find that ironic because he’s always trying to go on journeys of self discovery…though refuses to take this possibility into account. His choice, but…it would benefit not just me but also my stepbrother if he tried to get screened, or at the least thought more about it. We’d have new ways to connect, all three of us. (Side note, I’m 100% certain my stepmother is also on the spectrum)

This is all anecdote, I don’t know if it helps with your father. I do want to say that if you decide to bring this up with him, I hope he’d react better than my own father did/does.

It would be awesome if doing that gave you two ways to connect further, learning more about yourselves in the process on the infinite path of self discovery.

Your description and guess appear to be correct. My kids know I'm on the spectrum, Not sure if their partners. Like it.

 

[LadyS]

needing to have the same routine I have come across, however, lack of physical affection is not a typical autistic trait as far as I have heard, but you learn something new every day

Sorry I should rephrase it to just being awkward with physical affection in general. Lack of was probably just unique to him or maybe as @vergil96 mentioned avoiding touch makes sense to me as I have this too with most people except immediate family.

 

[Aneka]

My father is the typical absent-minded professor, my aunt is the same way. Runs in the family.

 

[Jeff T]

I'd guess that my father would be more likely to be the source of the ASD-1, although I'm pretty sure he wouldn't meet today's criteria for it.
He grew up very poor in the bad section of the city; his father died when he was 6. Started college, went to England and France in WW2, came back and finished higher ed with a Masters in chemical engineering. His thesis was on extracting oil from oil shale, even though it was not feasible until decades later when oil prices rose a great deal. Was part of the team creating the Space Shuttles' maneuvering engines, and Apollo rocket work. Also did thermal work in the Nuclear power plant design industry in several countries. Fluent in 4 languages. Brought us kids up!
As for the ASD traits, perhaps he had inclinations toward it compared to our mom. My brother could well have had traits as well. My sister- nope.
The ADD doesn't seem to be in any other family members.

 

[Dadamen]

Well, could sensory issues come as sensitivity to cold? This is the only sensory issue my father has. He can't stand air conditioner and is cold in short sleeves until it's 26 degrees Celsius if he's not moving.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Touch avoidance

I like physical affection, but not all touch, yet, sometimes I touch people.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Dadamen

You'll probably never know ... unless perhaps he gets genuinely and independently interested in the possibility himself.

ASD isn't a social construct, but it's not a two-state system either. It's definitely possible to have some of the qualitative (behavioral and psychological) traits of ASD, and still conform to (or easily simulate conformance with) societal norms. According to the usual "symptom-centric" diagnostic methods, that means they're not ASD at all, or at least won't show up in any kind of screening.

Someone like that can't be persuaded or forced to share - they have to want to.

 

[Vindiesel]

Boom diagnosed…. Ask him!

 

[autism-and-autotune]

I remember upon getting my diagnosis (well maybe even before) having the uh-oh moment where I realized that both of my parents most likely have autism too. It all makes sense.

 

[paloftoon]

It is possible. Social interactions can take up a lot of energy too.

 

[Dadamen]

I've solved AQ test for him, the score is only 13. So, he likely isn't aspie. More likely just introvert.

 

[kenaij]

I've solved AQ test for him, the score is only 13. So, he likely isn't aspie. More likely just introvert.

Trick with that is that it is a SELF test. Some things might not appear to be so for a person but they actually do experience it. I had a very similar list to the RAADS-R list which a partner good fill in if they suspected ASD. I gave it to both my parents, partner and some close people at work. A lot of them answered negatively to certain points which I definetly do feel. But just hide away very well. On the other hand, they saw things I never realised about myself.
Point is. You might not be able to answer all questions in de AQ test correctly for your father.