I took this quiz earlier today, answering the questions for my mom instead of myself. I left the questions I don't know the answer to (the ones pertaining to her thoughts) as "?" and answered the ones based on her observable behavior. The result was that she "very likely" has Aspergers.
My mother and I have had a strained relationship since I was very young. I have difficulty describing her personality to others because it is so odd and unlike anyone else I have ever met, but I will try to give a picture of what she is like here.
My mom is seemingly cold, aloof, and insensitive essentially all of the time. She rarely if ever expresses opinions about things, and even less rarely speaks about her emotions. I generally have no idea what is going on in her head. She seems very self-centered to the point of being almost greedy. I am 24 and she is 52, and she only calls or contacts me when she wants or needs something from me. Despite may years of feeling hurt and resentful at her disinterest in my life, she and I have only ever had an argument once. She does complain a lot, often in an insensitive way (for example, she recently complained bitterly about having to spend money to come to my wedding, and she is personally quite well off), but I can't remember ever seeing her angry or particularly passionate about anything.
My parents divorced when I was 6. My dad claims that before having my sister and I, my mom was very pleasant and funny, but always seemed somewhat self-centered. He says that after my younger sister was born, she became the cold and for lack of a better term, very weird person that she is today. She married a man she has had an affair with shortly after the divorce, who later abused both my sister and I. My mom never seemed concerned by the abuse or attempted to stop it any way. She divorced husband #2 when he was in the hospital after and overdose. She immediately began dating husband #3 to whom she is married today, and is actually a very nice guy. However, guy #3 occasionally exhibits some of the weird aloofness of my mom and does not seem totally socially aware, but he is much less insensitive than my mom is.
During my childhood, my mom was never a source of emotional support in any respect. She wasn't typically mean or abusive, she just seemed utterly unconcerned by how my sister and I were feeling. She did provide us with food, clothing, shelter and those sorts of basics, but she would also frequently complain that we were expensive. I remember concluding at a young age that she wasn't capable of loving us. I don't really remember what exactly lead me to that belief, but I grew up with the general feeling that my mom just can't care about people.
I don't think my mom actually has any friends, or at least not close friends. Within my family she is very much disliked, as her insensitivity and lack of apparent caring for my sister and I have alienated most the people around us. When she got married to husband #3, some of her coworkers did come to the reception, so she apparently has not alienated them. As a couple, she and husband #3 do have people they see regularly through various activities, but I don't think they have really intimate friendships with them. I never see she and her husband act affectionate, but I never see them bicker or act unhappy either. They just kind of sit or stand near each other without talking about much.
My mom is nurse and has been fairly successful in her career. She recently got a masters degree and began teaching nursing students. I don't think her weird social affect causes her problems at work. She has been at the same hospital for over 15 years.
I haven't noticed my mom engaging in any of the compulsive tendencies that I have heard of as being associated with aspergers. She makes eye contact in a normal way. She isn't very athletic, but she's not extremely clumsy either. She doesn't seemed obsessed with certain topics. She does seem to really like to stick to routines and sometimes gets upset when plans change, but other times handles it alright.
The only thing she ever seems to show interest in are the clinical aspects of medicine. I am now in healthcare as well, and when I tell stories she does show interest in things like a patient's vital signs, medical history, how his case progressed, etc. but she shows no interest in hearing about his emotions, my emotions, or experiential aspects of the story.
A recent example of my mom's weird behavior: at my wedding, one of my friends became red and splotchy in the face. This friend is allergic to many things, but she also gets very red when she drinks. I was a little concerned she was having a reaction. My mom was nearby and I asked her opinion. She looked at my friend and said "Well, I don't have any Benadryl on me" and walked away. My friend and I were somewhat dumbfounded by that reaction. That was the only interaction I had with my mom all night after the wedding. She sat her table and didn't really talk to anyone other than her husband, and wouldn't make eye contact with my dad. She had expressed 0 interest in my wedding other than to complain bitterly that it would cost her money to go (even though it was located near her vacation home). She was the only parent who did not contribute to paying for the wedding, despite being the wealthiest one, and has no w generated ill-will among the rest of the parents for this reason. She was also the only parent that didn't say anything during the toast. She mailed me a card after the wedding that had a $50 gift card in it and other than that has not spoken about it all.
Could my mom's insensitivity be due to Aspergers? Could something else be going on here? I don't really have the sort of relationship with her where I could actually bring the topic up with her, but I think it would help me to let go of some of the hurt of all the years of feeling like she doesn't care about me if I could better understand why she is the way she is.
Thanks in advance for any input anyone can give me.
My mother and I have had a strained relationship since I was very young. I have difficulty describing her personality to others because it is so odd and unlike anyone else I have ever met, but I will try to give a picture of what she is like here.
My mom is seemingly cold, aloof, and insensitive essentially all of the time. She rarely if ever expresses opinions about things, and even less rarely speaks about her emotions. I generally have no idea what is going on in her head. She seems very self-centered to the point of being almost greedy. I am 24 and she is 52, and she only calls or contacts me when she wants or needs something from me. Despite may years of feeling hurt and resentful at her disinterest in my life, she and I have only ever had an argument once. She does complain a lot, often in an insensitive way (for example, she recently complained bitterly about having to spend money to come to my wedding, and she is personally quite well off), but I can't remember ever seeing her angry or particularly passionate about anything.
My parents divorced when I was 6. My dad claims that before having my sister and I, my mom was very pleasant and funny, but always seemed somewhat self-centered. He says that after my younger sister was born, she became the cold and for lack of a better term, very weird person that she is today. She married a man she has had an affair with shortly after the divorce, who later abused both my sister and I. My mom never seemed concerned by the abuse or attempted to stop it any way. She divorced husband #2 when he was in the hospital after and overdose. She immediately began dating husband #3 to whom she is married today, and is actually a very nice guy. However, guy #3 occasionally exhibits some of the weird aloofness of my mom and does not seem totally socially aware, but he is much less insensitive than my mom is.
During my childhood, my mom was never a source of emotional support in any respect. She wasn't typically mean or abusive, she just seemed utterly unconcerned by how my sister and I were feeling. She did provide us with food, clothing, shelter and those sorts of basics, but she would also frequently complain that we were expensive. I remember concluding at a young age that she wasn't capable of loving us. I don't really remember what exactly lead me to that belief, but I grew up with the general feeling that my mom just can't care about people.
I don't think my mom actually has any friends, or at least not close friends. Within my family she is very much disliked, as her insensitivity and lack of apparent caring for my sister and I have alienated most the people around us. When she got married to husband #3, some of her coworkers did come to the reception, so she apparently has not alienated them. As a couple, she and husband #3 do have people they see regularly through various activities, but I don't think they have really intimate friendships with them. I never see she and her husband act affectionate, but I never see them bicker or act unhappy either. They just kind of sit or stand near each other without talking about much.
My mom is nurse and has been fairly successful in her career. She recently got a masters degree and began teaching nursing students. I don't think her weird social affect causes her problems at work. She has been at the same hospital for over 15 years.
I haven't noticed my mom engaging in any of the compulsive tendencies that I have heard of as being associated with aspergers. She makes eye contact in a normal way. She isn't very athletic, but she's not extremely clumsy either. She doesn't seemed obsessed with certain topics. She does seem to really like to stick to routines and sometimes gets upset when plans change, but other times handles it alright.
The only thing she ever seems to show interest in are the clinical aspects of medicine. I am now in healthcare as well, and when I tell stories she does show interest in things like a patient's vital signs, medical history, how his case progressed, etc. but she shows no interest in hearing about his emotions, my emotions, or experiential aspects of the story.
A recent example of my mom's weird behavior: at my wedding, one of my friends became red and splotchy in the face. This friend is allergic to many things, but she also gets very red when she drinks. I was a little concerned she was having a reaction. My mom was nearby and I asked her opinion. She looked at my friend and said "Well, I don't have any Benadryl on me" and walked away. My friend and I were somewhat dumbfounded by that reaction. That was the only interaction I had with my mom all night after the wedding. She sat her table and didn't really talk to anyone other than her husband, and wouldn't make eye contact with my dad. She had expressed 0 interest in my wedding other than to complain bitterly that it would cost her money to go (even though it was located near her vacation home). She was the only parent who did not contribute to paying for the wedding, despite being the wealthiest one, and has no w generated ill-will among the rest of the parents for this reason. She was also the only parent that didn't say anything during the toast. She mailed me a card after the wedding that had a $50 gift card in it and other than that has not spoken about it all.
Could my mom's insensitivity be due to Aspergers? Could something else be going on here? I don't really have the sort of relationship with her where I could actually bring the topic up with her, but I think it would help me to let go of some of the hurt of all the years of feeling like she doesn't care about me if I could better understand why she is the way she is.
Thanks in advance for any input anyone can give me.
