Couples with Autism

[JayD210]

This one I’m going to try to keep simple. How many of you with Autism have a Significant Other who also has Autism?

My better half and I both have Autism.
We’ve been together 14 years next week. Took me 14 months to ask her out because I didn’t think I had a chance.
I’m 38 and she’s 37. July 3 and July 4.
Her Birthday is the day after mine.
She was diagnosed on the same day in 1989. She in Florida and myself in Germany.
She’s the quieter one of us.
I’m the higher functioning one who works full time and drives. She works part time. She’s the planner of many of our adventures, as is her Mother and her Sister In Law. I am the Logistics, Security, and Engineer of the family.
She’s laid back to the point where she isn’t capable of truly arguing so I let her do whatever she wants.
She’s much adored by my relatives, my coworkers, her coworkers, neighbors alike, and many more.
Anything she hasn’t experienced that I have, my Mom, Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins have helped me make certain that’s not longer the case. If it’s something I haven’t experienced, her Mom, Brother, and Sister In Law have made sure that’s no longer the case.
We’ve been inseparable since I moved to Charlotte less than a year into our relationship. She’s been flying with me out to California as has her Mom. She’s been to the Range with me. Met my Relatives. Ridden with me on long road trips. Been coast to coast with me.
I’ve experienced the Atlantic Coast, the best BBQ, and much more with her and Family.

We don’t argue, she just gives me that look of disapproval. That’s about the most of it. We definitely have our differences but we compliment one another.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Only meet one couple who I now realize both were on the spectrum, none of us knew this at the time He was a good friend, meet her at a single event They hooked up she got pregnant, realized she was not capable of raising a child. did not tell him colluded with his mother to have the kid removed, He was very confused fighting in court to hang onto his kid did not know. his girlfriend and mother were behind it ended up with his sister, adopting his kid
broke up his relationship and family. I pieced the story together, my wife is still friends with his brother who is clueless. Either way my buddy passed away from brain cancer. Told my wife's buddy just last week his brother was probably one of us.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My wife remined my of another example my sister and her husband. She is a geologist he is a mining engineer.
had three kids, looks like one on the spectrum All doing very well. They meet in the field, he became a consultant
executive partner. She got a master degree in economics, became a analyst and finally manager at a mining company.

 

[FayetheAspie]

I'm single, but most of my fictional character crushes have been presented in such a way as to probably have either asd, adhd, or both.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I'm single, but most of my fictional character crushes have been presented in such a way as to probably have either asd, adhd, or both.

DId not know you are single, interesting person surprised.

 

[Aspychata]

What's so great is when you meet the perfect autism partner. It's like the clouds separate, the ocean divides, and you are home. I met that one myself, but he isn't convinced. Congrats.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Friendships are the same way NT's are just acquaintances.

 

[FayetheAspie]

DId not know you are single, interesting person surprised.

I used to have a lot of ideas about what personality of guy I would want to date even down to what subjects they like, what grades they make, what hobbies they enjoy. Basically, they and I needed to be two of a kind and so while I was not originally thinking of it that way, Aspergers was pretty much a prerequisite too. Now I'm getting to the point that I am not sure a relationship would really be worth my while even if I did find the kind of guy I kept hoping to meet all those years.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

First thing I did on dating my wif got her to change jobs. then upgrade her skills as she had come to Toronto to
take computer, courses which she had flunked out of. Her real interests was accounting Got her to take accounting
courses in college, After marriage paid off her student loan,

 

[tlc]

I don't know for sure. But a very long time ago there was some autism dating site. A search of my local area brought up maybe a dozen people, and 1 of them was my ex wife, and at least 2 more were people I had decent relationships with, at least for awhile.

Right now I'm not with anyone, and I plan to keep it that way.

 

[JayD210]

I don't know for sure. But a very long time ago there was some autism dating site. A search of my local area brought up maybe a dozen people, and 1 of them was my ex wife, and at least 2 more were people I had decent relationships with, at least for awhile.

Right now I'm not with anyone, and I plan to keep it that way.

I was working secondary employment in 2010 when my coworker called her in behind my back. I told her I have Autism and she told me her best friend does too. She asked me a few questions, I went on break, and there she was with her Mom when I came back. Asked her out 14 months later and the rest is history.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

We're very sure that my partner's autistic too, though not officially diagnosed (and he's not interested in it). In fact, we've been sure about him before suspecting it for me, too.

It makes many things a lot easier. It allows us to have a very open, transparent and matter-of-fact communication style, without anyone expecting the other to read their minds, and are able to speak our minds unfiltered because the other one very rarely gets offended by facts. We're both not great in crowds and with new people. We both hate talking on the phone to someone unknown. Things we both experience are a lot easier.

However, there are differences in us and it might be a bit harder for us to deal with them. We're both quite set in our preferences, and if they don't align, it's not so easy to find a compromise. Such as: we have different ways to vacuum, to do laundry, to wash food before cooking, and we have to agree on only one of us to do it their way because if we both do it we just get frustrated with each other. My partner also doesn't (or very rarely) get meltdowns and shutdowns the way I do, and it seems a bit hard for him to figure out what to do for me then. He needs me to say what's going on and what I need, and during a meltdown or a shutdown I often can't do that. Especially when we're both stressed, I might go into meltdown/shutdown mode and start going non-verbal, and he goes into problem-solving mode with tunnel vision. Those modes can clash a bit in such moments. But with time we're figuring out each others needs and are getting better at it.

All in all, I'm very glad that we're both ND, mainly because not having to filter words, facial expressions and body language at home takes away a lot of strain, which I have when seeing other NT people.