Cross-generational friendships/relationships

[tomaustin95]

Having read the literature and watched various lectures and talks on YouTube, cross generational friendships (and even relationships) seem to be very common among Aspies.

As a child I tended to spend more time with adults because they told me things and I could simply relate to them better (Tony Attwood for instance theorises because this is because Aspies are sensitive to noise and spending time with shouty, noisy other children is what drives us towards interacting more with grown-ups) and through my life to date, I always gravitated towards older people at work and socially and didn't mix with my own peer group.

Now in my mid 40s the wheel is starting to come full circle, and I have suspected Aspie friends who are in their 20s who have latched onto me ...

Anyone else have similar experiences?

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I'll never forget the first day of kindergarten. We had this set of monkey bars inside the classroom, and all the other kids were going crazy, climbing and running around. I just stood there thinking: I don't know why they like this, and I don't know how to talk to these people.

I always tended to like adults and to like females more. I imagine because women are pressured to be quieter and have more self-control. I don't mean that I enjoy people who can't speak their mind, but that I like calmness. Diplomacy. I noticed as a kid that I felt more comfortable with people who were less expressive. Too often with men there is a lot of insecurity and over-compensation.

Anyway, yes, I can easily befriend older people. I've always been interested in the world around me, so I often knew their cultural references, while my peers did not. This has changed a bit due to the internet and the idea that "nerdy" is cool. People seem culturally savvy now in a way they weren't 20 years ago, so it's harder to learn about people based on what they like. But, that's another topic.

Two of my good friends are women about 15-20 years older than me. We like to walk together when our schedules permit, and I love hearing their stories. Especially the dating nightmares. We have a good laugh and find some comfort in discussing how differently our lives turned out than what we expected. I can be real with them.

 

[VictorR]

I'll never forget the first day of kindergarten. We had this set of monkey bars inside the classroom, and all the other kids were going crazy, climbing and running around. I just stood there thinking: I don't know why they like this, and I don't know how to talk to these people.

I always tended to like adults and to like females more. I imagine because women are pressured to be quieter and have more self-control. I don't mean that I enjoy people who can't speak their mind, but that I like calmness. Diplomacy. I noticed as a kid that I felt more comfortable with people who were less expressive. Too often with men there is a lot of insecurity and over-compensation.

Anyway, yes, I can easily befriend older people. I've always been interested in the world around me, so I often knew their cultural references, while my peers did not. This has changed a bit due to the internet and the idea that "nerdy" is cool. People seem culturally savvy now in a way they weren't 20 years ago, so it's harder to learn about people based on what they like. But, that's another topic.

Two of my good friends are women about 15-20 years older than me. We like to walk together when our schedules permit, and I love hearing their stories. Especially the dating nightmares. We have a good laugh and find some comfort in discussing how differently our lives turned out than what we expected. I can be real with them.

I've also tended to get along with older persons and teachers quite well, seeing them as people who would "get me" and have more interesting conversations with then with my peers.

One of my interests is in history, and quite often in general interest / discussion forums, when I'm using a generic name, I'm assumed to be a Baby Boomer as I often pick up on mid-century cultural references (like "MRS degree") and use them as well.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Perhaps the hardest part is having a crush on someone older. Not that age has to prevent anything, but often the feelings are strong, when nothing will happen. You are in different life phases and the age gap itself can add a much deeper level of vulnerability. Especially with an older woman and younger man, since this is less common.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I preferred the company of adults when I was a child. And except for college, friends tended to be older.

 

[Magna]

This topic is so true in my own experience. I've never felt comfortable or even fully accepted around my own peer group at each stage of my life but I always felt comfortable around people that were decades older than me and equally so, those older people seemed to accept me.

In my mid thirties I had a friend who was retired and in his sixties. He would come into my work and we'd talk about so many interesting things together. Many other examples of this kind of thing with me being in social settings (e.g. weddings, funerals, luncheons, etc where I'd end up sitting with and talking to much older people and end up having an enjoyable time. Also in my old job I'd have to travel for business and I'd sometimes meet with older people and we'd have a good time talking to each other.

I believe this is because most older people are not out to prove themselves and therefore don't have a desire or a need to be competitive. They've experienced a great deal in life, they have the time to talk, listen and share and they're generally more accepting of other kinds of people.

 

[Rodafina]

For me, it has been much more of a mixed bag. I can generally get along with anyone (the mask is strong in this one). But feelings of connection have been rare across-the-board and across the generations. If anything, I seem more ready to connect with the outliers. The truly unique individuals who may also be on the outskirts, like me. I am not trying to suggest that I am more unique than anyone here, just perpetually on my lonely little canoe out in a big wide ocean.

 

[Tom]

I have tended to not be locked in to my generation. Part I think is being naturally blind to social protocols. So I could have good conversations with people older or younger (as long as they were more the quiet thoughtful types - Attwood may be on to something there). I also have a natural respect for peoples brains no matter what age.

 

[DaisyRose]

I get along with older people as well. It’s always been a natural habit for me to gravitate towards older people because I fit in with them more. Being around people my age makes me feel uncomfortable because I never fit it.

I share more interests with older people than younger people. Now that I have realized that as I got older, it has made me think how I can make better friends. Interacting with older people is more meaningful and easier for me because the interactions are fun to be a part of.

 

[kityoume]

this is a bit off topic, but as a kid I didn't like talking to kids either. Largely because I felt like an adult, just a small size, I wanted to talk about adult things, watch adult films, I almost did not feel like a child.
leave a like if you did

 

[Knower of nothing]

Bit sad to hear this is common as I never experienced it. Younger, older, my own age, I didn't really get along with people on any basis except those with outcast-experience. For non-outcasts, it feels like there's a language barrier so you can't really communicate beyond the superficial.

 

[kityoume]

Bit sad to hear this is common as I never experienced it. Younger, older, my own age, I didn't really get along with people on any basis except those with outcast-experience. For non-outcasts, it feels like there's a language barrier so you can't really communicate beyond the superficial.

there are many different people on the Internet and many of them are not accepted by society in real life, you can find people on the Internet, communicate with them and not feel like an outcast. You may not be an outcast one day

 

[The Pandector]

Involved with homeschoolers, I found a direct correlation between how long a child had been homeschooled and how well they interfaced with kids of all other ages. When rid of our culture’s extreme age segregation, people do fine with other age groups.

Most heartening was watching the older teens engage with the younger kids, because no one knew that it was uncool to talk to or help a little guy.

 

[The Pandector]

this is a bit off topic, but as a kid I didn't like talking to kids either. Largely because I felt like an adult, just a small size, I wanted to talk about adult things, watch adult films, I almost did not feel like a child.
leave a like if you did

I get that. I used to look at a roomful of my peers and think, ‘Seriously? Construction paper and macaroni?’ OTOH, nowadays I see them watching football and think, ‘Seriously? For three hours?’

 

[NB79]

When i was a kid and teen, always got along better with adults or elderly people, i was conscious about it too.

 

[Uppity Creek]

I've often said, I don't do well with children...because I couldn't even deal with them when I was on myself. In my 20s I came to meet a number of folks that became friends, starting with my grandfather and gradually a number of others his age. His generation has since passed on (he was born in '13) and I went on to have some good connections with members of the "greatest generation" and, more recently, that of my parents. It's not that I don't get along with my fellow Gen X'ers; I've often been called an "old soul" and there just aren't as many folks my age with the same interests. For some reason, I can feel intimidated by folks younger than I.

Romantically, I have found myself daydreaming of relationships with an older woman, but it was never something that happened. Considering that I'm essentially incapable of kicking things off myself, had such a female ever approached me with interest, if may have very well happened.