Dad chatting up women

[PokemonManiac]

They are like in there early 30's, im 26 so i find it strange and weird, i ranted about how i dont want a step mum whos only like 4 years older than me telling me what to do id rather he find a woman to date his own age range (50's)

How do i cope with him chatting up women thats only 4 years to 7 years younger than me

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Accept that your father is an adult who will make his own choices and that as an adult yourself you don't have the right to dictate who he pursues a relationship with. Hope for him to be happy and be glad for whoever he finds happiness with, regardless of your personal opinion of his choice.

 

[PokemonManiac]

Okay was a bad idea posting....ive glanced at some messages i saw when ive sat by the dog, the sofa is behind the computer and the women he talks to asking for money that sort of stuff but i wont bother saying anything about it anymore cause it will be "dictating"

 

[kay]

It might seem weird because of the age thing but ultimately that sorta thing doesn't matter as far as personality and if she is a good or bad person. Nothing you can do but hope things ultimately work out ok. And if you do protest his choices he may become more determined to stick with it. Unless it's a life or death issue it may be best to just not say anything about his dating life. And you might end up liking a younger step-mom. There is no reason she has to be telling you what to do, she could easily feel like your life is none of her business. I would never tell my adult non-stepkids (boyfriends kids and not sure what to refer to them as) what to do if they were living here, I just wouldn't see how that would be any of my business since they are adults.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Maybe the best thing you could do is to look inside yourself and find out why you think the age differences are "strange and weird." Once you figure that out, then you might be in a better position to accept what your father does and find peace with it all.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

To be clear, I was not saying that you are 'dictating', I was trying to point out the importance of accepting that you have absolutely no power over the situation, and that have no right to have any influence on the situation, in coping with what is occurring. Your dad will make his own choices and deal with the consequences, so instead of concentrating on what he is doing you should be examining your own responses to his relationships and trying to adjust your thinking so that you can be happy with whatever choices he makes and the influence it will have on your life.

 

[PokemonManiac]

Ive just made myself look bad i wish i could delete this topic now, yes i feel guilty enough

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Ive just made myself look bad i wish i could delete this topic now, yes i feel guilty enough

Nah. No worries. You asked, we replied. This is a safe environment.

 

[kay]

Don't feel bad about asking, I'm sure it's weird in general having a parent date. My mom didn't date after my dad died so I never had to deal with it but I can imagine it would have been uncomfortable not knowing who she would have been bringing into the family and having no say. My boyfriend's kids don't even live in the same town as us but I still worry a lot about what they think of me and feel a bit like some sort weird interloper. They do seem to like me well enough though. Hope so.

 

[pjcnet]

Ive just made myself look bad i wish i could delete this topic now, yes i feel guilty enough

No need, you have nothing to feel guilty about, I can see why it would seem strange to yourself having a step mum that is more like a sister age, it would be even more weird if she starts treating you like a daughter. Relationships with such an age difference can work however and if they're both happy I would try your best to accept it and see where it goes, but I know it must be difficult.

 

[Joel's Hear]

Age doesn't matter at all if there is a real love and friendship but there is always a bunch of warning bells that go off when I hear of a couple with significant age difference. I.E my wife's dad married a woman a year younger than her and started a family with her, having numerous children. He now, though still married, chases other women of various ages.

In short, it very well can be a great thing but definitely not in the majority of cases. Don't feel bad about what you wrote.

 

[Suzanne]

Hello and welcome.

Just shows that no matter the issue one has to contend with, we are all human still and thus, have our own views.

I, personally do not think it is morally right. For example: many a time, the female interest is the one who puts her gaze on the son, who is closer to her age.

Your father CLEARLY is demonstrating that he can either still pull (date), younger women or has a need to prove he still has it.

What would happen, if she started being seductive to you and you find yourself wanting to respond? What if you ended up respond in? Then she lies about you?

So, personally, I go with you on this.

There has to be boundries, otherwise there is huge disorder and a lot of pain too.

If you are unable to reason with your father, I am afraid you are going to have to shut down. Meaning: keep your distance.

 

[PokemonManiac]

Hello and welcome.

Just shows that no matter the issue one has to contend with, we are all human still and thus, have our own views.

I, personally do not think it is morally right. For example: many a time, the female interest is the one who puts her gaze on the son, who is closer to her age.

Your father CLEARLY is demonstrating that he can either still pull (date), younger women or has a need to prove he still has it.

What would happen, if she started being seductive to you and you find yourself wanting to respond? What if you ended up respond in? Then she lies about you?

So, personally, I go with you on this.

There has to be boundries, otherwise there is huge disorder and a lot of pain too.

If you are unable to reason with your father, I am afraid you are going to have to shut down. Meaning: keep your distance.

If she started being seductive towards me, id probably lash out, since im a straight woman, and i think i will keep my distance instead of mentioning to him again

 

[Suzanne]

If she started being seductive towards me, id probably lash out, since im a straight woman, and i think i will keep my distance instead of mentioning to him again

Sorry about that. For some reason, I thought you were male and why my answer was typed in such a way, to denote maleness.

 

[Progster]

Three things occur to me:

1. Is it the fact that they are lot younger that bothers you, or resentment that they are not your mother, or that you feel that he's looking to replace your mother? You need to try to sort out where the ill feeling is coming from, in order to deal with your emotions.

2. If you are 26 years old, you are an adult with your own life, she is not your mum, and doesn't have the automatic right to assume that role and tell you what to do.

3. If your dad wants to date, then you need to respect his decision. However, if you see that the person is not good for your dad, is exploiting him by asking for money, then yes, I think it would be a good idea to speak to your dad to voice your concerns. Ultimately, though, it will be his decision. You can't tell him how to live his life, but you can advise and hopefully he will value your opinion and listen to you.

 

[pjcnet]

Hmm, I might have to disagree. My dad's second wife was six years older than me. I was 10 when they got married, which made her 16. The most troubling thing is my dad was 36. I think that is a case of age actually mattering. If the same thing were to happen today, he'd be sitting behind bars someplace.

It depends on the country, the legal age of consent in the UK and USA is 16 years old so your Dad's relationship would be perfectly legal even today and I believe someone can be married with parental consent at 16 or 17 years old and without at 18 years old when they become a full adult (this is definitely the case in the UK at least). There are a fair few countries where the legal age of consent is older, E.g. 17 or 18 years old, but the oldest age of consent is in Bahrain where you have to be 21 years old. What is really shocking however is how low the legal age of consent is in some other countries, in Japan it's only 13 years old and in the Philippines just 12 which is in my opinion ridiculously young, but the most shocking of all is countries where there's no legal age of consent at all and as long as you're married you could be for instance only 8 or 9 years old and this is common in countries such as Saudi Arabia where in my opinion they openly promote child abuse and paedophilia.

It's difficult to place fixed minimum ages however because people are all different, for instance one 16 year old could be more mature than many people in their early 20s, but another 16 year old could be like a young child that in my opinion definitely shouldn't be having sexual relations, especially with someone much older than them even if it is legal in their country. There are obviously ages however that are in my opinion ridiculously young for anyone that are shockingly still legal in some countries.

Age of Consent Laws By Country

 

[WereBear]

People who date considerably younger tend to be immature. In their own head, they still are that age.

Under 25, brain studies show we are not yet fully developed. So we can make bad decisions more easily.

 

[Joel's Hear]

Hmm, I might have to disagree. My dad's second wife was six years older than me. I was 10 when they got married, which made her 16. The most troubling thing is my dad was 36. I think that is a case of age actually mattering. If the same thing were to happen today, he'd be sitting behind bars someplace.

Did you not read my entire post, Sportster? It does sound like your dad definitely was out of line.

 

[pjcnet]

People who date considerably younger tend to be immature. In their own head, they still are that age.

Under 25, brain studies show we are not yet fully developed. So we can make bad decisions more easily.

Sometimes it can be just a sexual attraction thing and some younger women also like older men (or they may feel swept off their feet in the short term), in this situation however a serious relationship is unlikely to last long if there's a very large age gap unless their mental ages are closer, E.g. the young women is especially mature and/or the older man is especially immature, so I agree.

There is also sugar daddy relationships where usually an older rich man partners with a much younger attractive woman who he floods with money and expensive gifts in exchange for sex and companionship, in these relationships the man can even sometimes be old enough to be the woman's grandad. There is rarely any love involved in a sugar daddy relationship, it's more like a business arrangement and they are therefore in my opinion just a form of very high class prostitution and the women is only acting the part in the same way as an escort / prostitute, it's just a much longer term arrangement. It doesn't stop it from being popular however and there's even sugar daddy dating sites such as sugardaddie.com who claim to have over 5 million members, except a lot of men are a lot older than the man portrayed on the front page. I had a quick browse through both sexes however and I was surprised to find that not all men were older however, but they're still willing to partner with a glamorous young woman that they know full well is only after their money. In my opinion sugar daddy relationships are far from ideal and many would consider them immoral, but at least both people know exactly where they stand which is a lot better than a young attactive woman deceiving an older man that she loves him when she is purely just after his money.

 

[PokemonManiac]

@pjcnet my dad isnt rich

And thanks everyone for the replies, im just going to not say anything else to my dad about it i think thats the best idea