DanielaC76
New Member
Goodmorning to all,
I have to start this post with my apologies if my English isn't very well...
I join in this forum because I had a relationship with a guy with Asperger without knowing, till after weeks from his broke up. I read in this forum that most of this relationship ended in the same way, especially if they happen between people with Asperger and "neurotypical" people.
I knew about his diagnosys because he invited me, weeks later our broke up, in a chatroom about a band that we follow, and he wrote on this chatroom, answering to an another Asperger, that he had the same. The world really collapsed on me but in the same time the fog it has dissolved.
We met online. He searched to me, and after 2 weeks of text and videochat, he ask me to meet him, in the middle, in Paris, because I am italian and he is belgian. I accepted, because we walked on the same road and developed immediately an incredible connection: both recently separated, with young kids, same ambitions, same mindset, similar troubled past... we started as a friends, but a crush came very soon. We trusted each other and told secrets about our past.
He was open, very nice, honest and funny. While we were waiting for our meet, a month later, we developed strong feelings. It was all new from me... he liked me more day after day, we called each other for the good morning and we ended up with goodnight, and we dreamed of each other. When finally we met, he hold me in a hug and for 3 days he never left my hand, practically. A day later our first hug he told me that he loves me, that it wasn't a crush, and I told the same, but some hour later, because I thought their words was for the huge intimacy between us.
We left us with a smile, because we planned to meet us next months. He he had never traveled and it was the first time for him, and he ask me for the next time, he wanted to plan the holidays.. I lived a dream. A film. I gave to him my heart, completeley, because before the meeting he was afraid for us, for the distance, and during our trip he felt in love for a dream, to have a loto of journey with me in his future.
He rinnovated his feelings for me... but 2 weeks later he had a bad news: his divorce goes bad. Financial problems and others thing. He became cold, with me. Day before I brightened his day, and in few hours... he disappeared. A months later, after a lot of messages from me he told me that he was caught in magic of the moment, and that he realized that "us" cannot be a thing. That had fallen into depression, closed to the world and started to use drugs, due to afford job and life.
He sent me sometimes a link about our band, or something about his job. Just this. A day he received few drawings form me. He told me just he thought that he smelled me that day. Just this. I cried, a lot. Really a lot. He wanted to share everything with me and now... what? And 2 months later the answer. After 3 months of pain, prayers to see him, to hear his voice o had more than few info about his job and the band...
I say to him goodbye just 3 days ago. I said to him that I will ever been there for him, but that now all concerning him hurts me, because I still loves him. In Italy we used to say "ti voglio un bene dell'anima"... This is what we say when we talk about an affection that goes beyond physicality, time, mistakes. I missed being there for him as a "healthy" presence and I got "sick" of this absence. That it was I said to him.
I still hope to see him in future, but when he told me that I am obsessed for him I lost all the hope. And I decided to don't write to him, I haven't done it before, but now...
Down to my bones I have a drop of hope that him search me again a day. I really never felt something like that for someone else. He took away all the armor that my past had made me wear, I was lightly finally... and I found myself more fragile just when he broke up with me.
I hope that someone here could be understand what I mean. That being "neurotypical" is just another way of building our life from brick to brick: sometimes we take someone away, and we start again, sometimes we have to change projects, but we try to stay closer to persons whom we loves. I think I understand that instead for those who have Asperger this is simply impossible, or requires a huge sacrifice, and that remove just a single brick from the project cost also the persons that they loves. But for both, this constructions requir efforts, sacrifice and tons of pains.
I need to rebuild myself now. I dont want to forget him, I just want to become healthy. And stay again close to him, in one of the way that this is possible.
Thanks for read me
Daniela
I have to start this post with my apologies if my English isn't very well...
I join in this forum because I had a relationship with a guy with Asperger without knowing, till after weeks from his broke up. I read in this forum that most of this relationship ended in the same way, especially if they happen between people with Asperger and "neurotypical" people.
I knew about his diagnosys because he invited me, weeks later our broke up, in a chatroom about a band that we follow, and he wrote on this chatroom, answering to an another Asperger, that he had the same. The world really collapsed on me but in the same time the fog it has dissolved.
We met online. He searched to me, and after 2 weeks of text and videochat, he ask me to meet him, in the middle, in Paris, because I am italian and he is belgian. I accepted, because we walked on the same road and developed immediately an incredible connection: both recently separated, with young kids, same ambitions, same mindset, similar troubled past... we started as a friends, but a crush came very soon. We trusted each other and told secrets about our past.
He was open, very nice, honest and funny. While we were waiting for our meet, a month later, we developed strong feelings. It was all new from me... he liked me more day after day, we called each other for the good morning and we ended up with goodnight, and we dreamed of each other. When finally we met, he hold me in a hug and for 3 days he never left my hand, practically. A day later our first hug he told me that he loves me, that it wasn't a crush, and I told the same, but some hour later, because I thought their words was for the huge intimacy between us.
We left us with a smile, because we planned to meet us next months. He he had never traveled and it was the first time for him, and he ask me for the next time, he wanted to plan the holidays.. I lived a dream. A film. I gave to him my heart, completeley, because before the meeting he was afraid for us, for the distance, and during our trip he felt in love for a dream, to have a loto of journey with me in his future.
He rinnovated his feelings for me... but 2 weeks later he had a bad news: his divorce goes bad. Financial problems and others thing. He became cold, with me. Day before I brightened his day, and in few hours... he disappeared. A months later, after a lot of messages from me he told me that he was caught in magic of the moment, and that he realized that "us" cannot be a thing. That had fallen into depression, closed to the world and started to use drugs, due to afford job and life.
He sent me sometimes a link about our band, or something about his job. Just this. A day he received few drawings form me. He told me just he thought that he smelled me that day. Just this. I cried, a lot. Really a lot. He wanted to share everything with me and now... what? And 2 months later the answer. After 3 months of pain, prayers to see him, to hear his voice o had more than few info about his job and the band...
I say to him goodbye just 3 days ago. I said to him that I will ever been there for him, but that now all concerning him hurts me, because I still loves him. In Italy we used to say "ti voglio un bene dell'anima"... This is what we say when we talk about an affection that goes beyond physicality, time, mistakes. I missed being there for him as a "healthy" presence and I got "sick" of this absence. That it was I said to him.
I still hope to see him in future, but when he told me that I am obsessed for him I lost all the hope. And I decided to don't write to him, I haven't done it before, but now...
Down to my bones I have a drop of hope that him search me again a day. I really never felt something like that for someone else. He took away all the armor that my past had made me wear, I was lightly finally... and I found myself more fragile just when he broke up with me.
I hope that someone here could be understand what I mean. That being "neurotypical" is just another way of building our life from brick to brick: sometimes we take someone away, and we start again, sometimes we have to change projects, but we try to stay closer to persons whom we loves. I think I understand that instead for those who have Asperger this is simply impossible, or requires a huge sacrifice, and that remove just a single brick from the project cost also the persons that they loves. But for both, this constructions requir efforts, sacrifice and tons of pains.
I need to rebuild myself now. I dont want to forget him, I just want to become healthy. And stay again close to him, in one of the way that this is possible.
Thanks for read me
Daniela
