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Dark Night of the Soul

Been there man, i think most of us have. But we know that just as night will become day again, so will our despair become delight.
Sometimes, I need to just walk away from it.
 
Peace said:
Been there man, i think most of us have. But we know that just as night will become day again, so will our despair become delight.
Sometimes, I need to just walk away from it.
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Yup. It may be hard to see while in the depths of despair, it will come. All you can do is try to follow your normal routine and try to talk to people that love you. Eventually, it will go away.
 
Sounds like something thoroughly unpleasant that truly sucks! Does anything productive come out of it? Where does it come from & does it just suddenly depart or do sufferers have to go through whole lot of psychological rigmarole in order to end it? Is it a sudden acute episode of profound depression or is it what plain old depression slides down into if left unchecked? As an unemotional-type of Aspie, the emotional experiences of other Aspies fascinates me. From the sound of it, I'd bet that being overexposed to the unrelenting challenges of existing in the NT world without an escape hatch can trigger it!
 
Feeling that way right now. That is how I found this website, trying to distract myself from feeling that way, if I don't I get almost a sinking feeling where my heart is, like it could stop beating at any second. Super not fun.
 
Soup said:
Sounds like something thoroughly unpleasant that truly sucks! Does anything productive come out of it? Where does it come from & does it just suddenly depart or do sufferers have to go through whole lot of psychological rigmarole in order to end it? Is it a sudden acute episode of profound depression or is it what plain old depression slides down into if left unchecked? As an unemotional-type of Aspie, the emotional experiences of other Aspies fascinates me. From the sound of it, I'd bet that being overexposed to the unrelenting challenges of existing in the NT world without an escape hatch can trigger it!
Click to expand...

Well, I can only speak for me. My depression usually starts with critical questions on how stable my various relationships (including friendships) are. Then it proceeds to feeling dark as if I am all alone in the world. At that point, I really have no desire to speak to anyone. If I don't force myself to talk to people, I will go into my office at home and shut the door for hours. I cry often as well. Just really bad. Luckily for me, I never thought of killing myself even in the deepest depression. I wish I knew how it starts. It just happens.
 
I cant really describe it except by its title. It doesn't seem to rely on cause and condition. If you see the depression commercials on TV its not a little cloud following you around...its a mushroom cloud. For me it has energy but I cant seem to do anything constructive with this energy. It sits and festers.
I forget where exactly I picked up this phrase but it seemed to describe it. I don't know if it will help anyone but I keep a stockpile of frozen microwave vegetables(birdseye and green giant have some interesting concoctions) and cans of clam chowder for these occasions...it does seem to help
 
Have recently come to realize I've been Autistic my whole life with no intervention. As in, 8-15-2013. Have had habits of food-binge, m********ion and m*******ana that I am ashamed and confused about. Brought myself to rock bottom being a chronic quitter, isolating, and addiction, then one day I found books about Autism in the library and started reading.

Sick physically now, and I think it is from all the reading I've been doing. Yesterday watched Youtube and read about Autism and Asperger's for hours. Didn't move much and ate 2 muffins, 8 pop tarts, a jar of peanut butter, some wheat bread. And lied on the ground and quietly stimmed for like an hour, the first time I did that and UNDERSTOOD what I was doing.

Pain and suffering now. Have enough of a head to say, OK, first things first, quit the addiction, it is screwing up my sensory problems worse. Clean up and regulate diet again (I have self-taught as a nutritionist, but kind of a PDDNOS thing, I just lose interest and binge sometimes when life confuses me too much). Get into a weekly routine and find some healthy obsessions.

Seems like a lot but in the past I've been able to develop a sense of structure. So I can do it again, one day at a time. Reading about Autism and reflecting on my growing up, the sympathy, the Student of the Month, the kids who avoided me, the difficulty in sports that I pushed through anyway, failure after failure in life... It all makes sense now. And if I can at least treat myself well, with good diet, no drugs, no alcohol, and begin to be physically healthy again, instead of making myself sick smoking and eating because I want to hide and hide...

Then I can make myself activity schedules and routines, and understand my limits. One LIMIT i need to set is... Only a max of 1 Hr reading about Autism a day!!! I can't stress this enough!!!! I have spent like 12 hours collectively watching people speak-out on Youtube, reading JER and TG, and I really wish I could relax and my brain could get back to working normal...

One TG idea I'm working in is sensory breaks... Covering my eyes up and putting on really healthy, healing music in headphones, soothing music, binaural tones, then just letting images flow, so I can perhaps regain some adrenal resources i burned out on

Nother thing that really helps me is lifting weights in a mirror, but the local gyms are so noisy and crowded I'd always get confused. So I'm thinking of putting a mirror in my room and using a little dumbbell or kettelbell set in the mirror. Some reason the symmetry in the mirror really helped me when I was a kid but I tried to "break free" of my old ways because I didn't understand I am autistic and thought I could learn new things. Playing guitar in a mirror, and saying nice things to myself looking in my eyes in the mirror, helps too. Also I lke to record myself talking into the camera or making a voice-memo and listening to it later. I always try to learn to speak positive to myself, never negative and criticizing
 
I have said in other posts that Buddhism was my coping device. But I am not here to promote this field of endeavor....its pretty much whatever gets you to the next day. Someone said...thank god for the toothache because you realize the peace from said toothache. For me it seems like a deterministic function to suffer...what I am supposed to learn from this fate. I am leaning toward another quote...nature is red in tooth and claw
 
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