I went on a date last week with a woman I met on one of the dating apps. It is very rare that I get a like or match on any online dating apps or websites, and even more rare that it is someone who I feel is a compatible match who I am interested in. We matched a little before Christmas and started talking. It started out slow, but progressed to us typically sending a message per day and after a week or so we exchanged phone numbers and continued texting. Both of us were sending multiple messages at a time and the conversations were great. We had some common interests, and were like minded in how we thought about various topics. I also appreciated that she was reciprocating in terms of the messages and questions. Much of my experience with online dating is if I do match, I seem to be doing more of the work in terms of asking questions and messaging. I also was doing a great job of not obsessing too much with the messaging. I sent some messages and then moved on to my day, although I did think about the conversation from time to time. It may have helped that I took a trip at one point and was focused on enjoying my time away. I eventually asked if she wanted to meet and she agreed. I think she really appreciated when I suggested two date options and asked her which one she preferred. Additionally, there were multiple establishments that we could go to for the activity we agreed on, and she really appreciated when I reached out to her to ask her which venue location worked better for her. She even told me so. So I was doing great. I was enjoying our conversations and it felt good talking, but it also reminded me of how lonely I was and have been throughout my life. This brought forward intense thoughts and feelings that come with my past failures with establishing romantic relationships. As a result of my past, I tried not to get my hopes up too much. But she was definitely excited to meet me and get to know me better.
We met about two weeks after we matched online and I was a bit more nervous than I would have liked. Not long after I met, I knew I was very interested in her and I was excited to be spending a few hours with her. We did the activity and after I asked if she wanted to hang out longer because it was hard to have a flowing conversation when we were doing the activity. We decided to stay at the same place and play a board game there. We talked the whole time and having something to do while on the date helped tremendously because we could focus on the activity while also getting to know each other. I've learned that a meal date does not often work well for a first date, especially with my social struggles. I was having a fun time, and I think she was too but I couldn't process if she was showing interest or not. Thinking back, I was being clear about my interest in her, probably too much. I was making good eye contact and did some things well, but I was definitely awkward at times, and perhaps self conscious at some times. We were finishing up our game and were told that the place is closing in 5 minutes so the timing was good - we were actually the first ones there and the last ones there. Not that it was open very long, but I thought that was a good sign. When we left, I gave her a hug and we parted ways. The bye was a little awkward but not terrible. Shortly after I got home, she sent me a message that she wanted to let me know she got home and and that she had a fun time with the activity. I said I did too and enjoyed getting to know her a little better. One subtle thing I noticed is she did not reciprocate the I also enjoyed getting to know you. We sent a few messages and I noticed hers were shorter than what they had been before the date, but thought it might be because we had just hung out for 3 hours. The next day she had to go back to school which was 1.5 hours away so I left her along since I knew she had a busy day. I did send her a text later that night and she responded but it was short and she was out doing something. We sent a text or two the next few days and I had a bad feeling about things because the texts were much shorter than before and she only asked me one question throughout them. A few days later I sent a message saying that I would like to see her again and asked her what her feelings were. She responded the next morning saying that she has appreciated our conversations the past few weeks and thought I was a great person, but said going back to school was a reality check for her and that it would be unfair to both her and me to pursue a relationship given her schedule. I said that I felt a genuine connection with her and that I was disappointed but would respect her wishes. I ended by saying if you ever change your mind, feel free to reach out to me.
While the reason she gave was not about me, I can't help but feel that she did not like me that well because if she did, she would have been willing to work through some obstacles. Because in my mind, there are always going to be challenges in growing a relationships. While it was only one date, I took it really hard that she did not want to pursue anything further and brought back a lifetime of pain from past failures. The first or second date is probably my weakest point when developing the relationship. Awkwardness, anxiety, self consciousness, and communication deficits get in the way. I did ok, but I think I could have done better. I just wish someone could for once look past some of my weak spots and give me a chance because my strengths never seem to be visible in terms of a relationship. But they would become visible if someone gave it a little more time.
So close, but so far away. At my age the opportunities just don't come around all that often. If I was younger, I would feel better about things but I never was able to develop relationship experience when most people do so I continue to pay the heavy price for it now.
We met about two weeks after we matched online and I was a bit more nervous than I would have liked. Not long after I met, I knew I was very interested in her and I was excited to be spending a few hours with her. We did the activity and after I asked if she wanted to hang out longer because it was hard to have a flowing conversation when we were doing the activity. We decided to stay at the same place and play a board game there. We talked the whole time and having something to do while on the date helped tremendously because we could focus on the activity while also getting to know each other. I've learned that a meal date does not often work well for a first date, especially with my social struggles. I was having a fun time, and I think she was too but I couldn't process if she was showing interest or not. Thinking back, I was being clear about my interest in her, probably too much. I was making good eye contact and did some things well, but I was definitely awkward at times, and perhaps self conscious at some times. We were finishing up our game and were told that the place is closing in 5 minutes so the timing was good - we were actually the first ones there and the last ones there. Not that it was open very long, but I thought that was a good sign. When we left, I gave her a hug and we parted ways. The bye was a little awkward but not terrible. Shortly after I got home, she sent me a message that she wanted to let me know she got home and and that she had a fun time with the activity. I said I did too and enjoyed getting to know her a little better. One subtle thing I noticed is she did not reciprocate the I also enjoyed getting to know you. We sent a few messages and I noticed hers were shorter than what they had been before the date, but thought it might be because we had just hung out for 3 hours. The next day she had to go back to school which was 1.5 hours away so I left her along since I knew she had a busy day. I did send her a text later that night and she responded but it was short and she was out doing something. We sent a text or two the next few days and I had a bad feeling about things because the texts were much shorter than before and she only asked me one question throughout them. A few days later I sent a message saying that I would like to see her again and asked her what her feelings were. She responded the next morning saying that she has appreciated our conversations the past few weeks and thought I was a great person, but said going back to school was a reality check for her and that it would be unfair to both her and me to pursue a relationship given her schedule. I said that I felt a genuine connection with her and that I was disappointed but would respect her wishes. I ended by saying if you ever change your mind, feel free to reach out to me.
While the reason she gave was not about me, I can't help but feel that she did not like me that well because if she did, she would have been willing to work through some obstacles. Because in my mind, there are always going to be challenges in growing a relationships. While it was only one date, I took it really hard that she did not want to pursue anything further and brought back a lifetime of pain from past failures. The first or second date is probably my weakest point when developing the relationship. Awkwardness, anxiety, self consciousness, and communication deficits get in the way. I did ok, but I think I could have done better. I just wish someone could for once look past some of my weak spots and give me a chance because my strengths never seem to be visible in terms of a relationship. But they would become visible if someone gave it a little more time.
So close, but so far away. At my age the opportunities just don't come around all that often. If I was younger, I would feel better about things but I never was able to develop relationship experience when most people do so I continue to pay the heavy price for it now.
