Date ideas

[Almagw]

Hi

New here and still getting through all the posts already up there.

I am dating a man who (undiagnosed but after assisting people with autism for 25 years I am 100% sure he is. He waiting to see another professional after last one didn’t have any experience with autism and said he had ADD) as autism.

I’m looking for ideas on how to have an enjoyable date from his side. I just love being with him and find his fasincating with all his knowledge on his interest subjects. I never tire and am completely ok with all of his mannerisms. Though sometimes I admit I get hurt by his words but then I remind myself that I need to look at it from his point of view and usually it’s not meant to hurt and I’m being over emotional. It’s not easy but I’m getting to be a stronger person because of it. So I’m looking for ideas on what I can do that is fun. He plays computer games. His interests include politics, religion (was a member of a church for many years and now his interest is more in researching the gaps in the faiths). At the moment he’s researching cars after he bought himself a new car. Well the research started about 6 months ago and took up most of our free time and he got the car about 2 weeks ago. Before that it was knives, then I bought him the knife he wanted and he moved on to cigars and so on. At the moment he’s stuck with no extra researching to do other than his usual. But he needs that extra with a pay off at the end. Such as knife. Car.

We ride motorbikes together. Drive his new car through the mountains. Smoke and discuss cigars. Skateboard. Watch all his YouTube subs. Listen to his podcasts. But he needs that extra. How can I help him with out it costing the earth?

What can we do on dates out when we both want to socialise but both get drained by crowds?

Where can I get ideas on topics to talk about (something like a topic daily generator) that I can have fun researching then talk to him about?

Thankyou, I know it’s all random and maybe confusing but it’s abit where I am at the moment. I’m confused and lonely but love him so much and don’t want to lose him because he sees his boredom attached to being with me. I’ve had a very difficult 15 years and just started to get my confidence back so I tend not to open my mouth unless I know he will 100% enjoy what I have to say

Thankyou

 

[MrSpock]

he sees his boredom attached to being with me... ...I tend not to open my mouth unless I know he will 100% enjoy what I have to say

I really don't know, but some people would find somebody who is trying too hard to be agreeable boring. Some people may like it, just an idea.

I'm not sure about date ideas, and not sure you're really looking for that, or perhaps it's part of what you're looking for. It sounds a bit like you're looking for a new hobby that he can research before taking up. It sounds like you have some money for this, but not something extravagant. Maybe remote-controlled aircraft? With either drones or more conventional flying models you can spend a long time researching, choose a kit and build it, then fly it. Boats, cars, whatever he might be into... you as well. There's a very wide range from ready-to-fly through easily put together to weeks to build... the latter are better for more experienced flyers, as you can easily spend much more time fixing them than flying them.

 

[Almagw]

Thank you Spock.

You are right, we don’t have a lot of money. Our hobbies already take up most of our wages.

Thankyou for the suggestion. A drone would be awesome. I already have the camera for my bike so only need to buy a drone.

I am also looking for ways on how to make dates fun for him but I guess we already have heaps of fun. It’s just when he doesn’t have a purpose fueled research topic to keep him occupied.

Thankyou

 

[Almagw]

Thanks. Its over again. He had a melt down because his 7 year old shrugged at him and then he blamed me saying we had both shrugged at him. I hadnt heard a word that was said due to the very loud volume of his music and was looking at the window of his car as he chatted with his daughter.I was sitting in the back seat of his car whilst his 7 year old daughter sat in the front (a frequent thing. Yes I know, no respect for me and Im an idiot for thinking he did have respect for me) But I had no idea what was going on till we got out the car and I said I wasnt hungry. Apparently it was the wrong thing and suddenly I was the one not wanting to do anything and shrugging whenever he asked me a question. I am like always confused. But thankyou all for taking the time to read and repsond X

 

[AO1501]

Thanks. Its over again. He had a melt down because his 7 year old shrugged at him and then he blamed me saying we had both shrugged at him. I hadnt heard a word that was said due to the very loud volume of his music and was looking at the window of his car as he chatted with his daughter.I was sitting in the back seat of his car whilst his 7 year old daughter sat in the front (a frequent thing. Yes I know, no respect for me and Im an idiot for thinking he did have respect for me) But I had no idea what was going on till we got out the car and I said I wasnt hungry. Apparently it was the wrong thing and suddenly I was the one not wanting to do anything and shrugging whenever he asked me a question. I am like always confused. But thankyou all for taking the time to read and repsond X

I'm really not sure you can draw the conclusions you do from his behaviour. His respect, or otherwise, is hardly likely to be measured in the way you ascribe. I do understand the degree this will have caused you hurt, but in the event there may be any future in the relationship with this person, it would be important not to learn the wrong lessons from things that go wrong.....or things that haven't gone right.

I know, for example, that at the time when my daughter was 7, if I was in the middle of a conversation with her, nobody else would have intruded. That would not have been a comment on how I regarded anyone else present, just on the fact that as an Aspie, I tend to focus on one thing at a time. Once that one thing is done, I move on. It isn't a respect thing, it's an Aspie thing. For me at least.

All that said, I'm sorry this hasn't, isn't, or doesn't seem to be working out for you.

 

[Jane Smith]

Thanks. Its over again. He had a melt down because his 7 year old shrugged at him and then he blamed me saying we had both shrugged at him. I hadnt heard a word that was said due to the very loud volume of his music and was looking at the window of his car as he chatted with his daughter.I was sitting in the back seat of his car whilst his 7 year old daughter sat in the front (a frequent thing. Yes I know, no respect for me and Im an idiot for thinking he did have respect for me) But I had no idea what was going on till we got out the car and I said I wasnt hungry. Apparently it was the wrong thing and suddenly I was the one not wanting to do anything and shrugging whenever he asked me a question. I am like always confused. But thankyou all for taking the time to read and repsond X

I feel like some of this has expands further than him being Aspie. His personality sounds kind of explosive. That could be a trait of something else?

I don't know! I could be wrong. Or I could be just misreading your comment. :O