Dating advice seeking

[paloftoon]

I'm going to go on a supposedly promising first date this Sunday. I say supposedly cause you never truly know.

I had a friend point out yesterday that my past dates, I may've had expectations too high. I think he had made a good point. I felt like sometimes, this was the case, and sometimes, things naturally lead to that. It seems if I look for too much too soon, the person may just lose interest. A lot of dates tend to have no interest in keeping a friendship either. A lot of my expectations dealt with reciprocative communication, and there wasn't a lot of it on the other end. Most of the time, I've had to pick the places. Although, in one case, I was dragged into a place even though I asked the person to look into if a place used packages or made the food from scratch beforehand. And if not, then choose another place. He totally ignored my request. I gave him a chance during the date and just didn't feel anything, so I was honest with him the following day.

Another concern I have is the date I will have happens to live (kind of) near the same area as another date I had gone very wrong. On the chance that these two work in the same place (they work in the same type of service, and the region has a small towny feel even though there are many people all around), this could work badly out of my favor even if everything else works out well enough. My gut says I should be honest about what occurred, why I did what I did, and what I learned about it if that scenario happens. Thoughts?

Thank you.

 

[Warmheart]

Go and relax as best you can. Live in the present moment. The past is the past. If you feel anxious about the other person’s judgement of you, remind yourself that he/she is also on a first date, and likely also anxious. Sometimes in situations involving another person, the antidote to fear can be compassion. Go and be yourself. Enjoy the conversation and a good meal! You’ll either get out of this some good experience to learn from... or you’ll get a good friend.

 

[Voxsh]

Remember you don't need to disclose your entire life story on your first date, there is lots of time for that later. Ask questions about them and try not to talk to much about yourself. Be realistic about how fast thing's are going to progress, you won't become an item after one or two dates. Enjoy yourself and try to relax before you go to meet them.

 

[paloftoon]

The first date went well. I don't think it would've gone any further than it did. We did kiss at the end. He was very considerate and was willing to work with me whether I wanted PDA or not. It didn't seem to bother him one way or another. I know some people need to have one extreme or the other for PDA (no or must have). He seemed well balanced and open to just getting to know me. My perception of people's demeanor online when they could work out seems very good, but my "problem" seems to be reacting properly. This time around, I'm taking things more slowly and/or naturally as it comes.

In this experience and one former one, I was kind of an 'item' a bit at the time, but I know what you mean.

 

[paloftoon]

How long should I wait approx before making contact for a 2nd date if the other person doesn't reach out (he showed great interest and was defin serious)?

 

[Voxsh]

Well from my experience giving guys a day or two is not a bad thing, keeps them interested I think without scaring us off. If you have given it a few days there is no harm in asking if the want to meet up again at the weekend.

I am glad it went well for you. There is no law which says aspies can have lasting relationships, I have been married for 27 years.

 

[paloftoon]

During the date, he did indicate he wanted to meet again actually. We ended up already agreeing to meet on 3 future dates. The first one though, he already knows I might not be able to make it to the concert cause he wants me to play in a tournament even though I told him I could play the tournament on a different month beforehand.

A part of me craves for more initiation of contact from him. I feel like he's more unsure than I am.

I feel like I want him to be curious and ask me more questions. that's a good way to get to know a person. I have already been doing that myself, but I don't want to push it too often unless the conversation flows naturally like that.

 

[pjcnet]

I'm glad your date went well. If someone ends up with the first person they ever dated in a good loving relationship for life they are extremely lucky and in a very small minority. Most people have had dates in the past that may have gone good or badly, but something usually went wrong in the end if they're on another date. Talking about past dates or anything about any ex's is normally classed as a definite no no when dating a new person. You don't need to talk about this at this stage unless it is totally unavoidable, there may come a more appropriate time if/when you get to know and trust each other a lot better in future, but even if it does come up in a heart to heart, it's best not to dwell on it too much afterwards because you need to show that you're only interested in your current partner now and they will need to feel special instead of just another person in a dating line history.