Hi all,
I don't know if this is the right forum. I have autism myself but I'm unsure if other people with autism can help me with this...
I've been dating this girl for a while now and it's really confusing. I'm head over heels and having a hard time.
Apologies in advance for the long text, I just need to get it out of my system.
We met via tinder, where she messaged me right after we matched. After some chatting I asked her to meet up and we set a date the next week. In the meanwhile we chatted a bit via Tinder but not often, like once a day or less.
The date itself went really well, we really hit it off. She told me her social life was non-existent at the moment due to school and that she had cancelled on someone else that week. I guess that was a sign that she really liked me and wanted to spend time with me.
15 minutes after we'd said goodbye, she texted me that she had a great time and was happy to finally get to relax a bit. I had given her my phone number via tinder the day before, but she hadn't texted me yet so I thought this was good: if she just wanted to be friendly, she would've said this via tinder but now I had her phone number too.
I asked and we set up a date for the week after. Again some texting before the date but not a lot, sometimes I got nothing for like 72 hours. I like chatting with her but she's really slow in responding so I don't push it and just leave her alone although it's hard for me. I try to only text when I have received a text.
The second date went great too, we talked for hours, she talked about her family and friends, showed me pictures etc. We said goodbye with a kiss on the cheek while I put my hand on her waist. I texted her later on and asked if she could meet up again but she said she was busy and she'd let me know. In the meanwhile, I added her on FB (she accepted it right away) and then we mostly communicated through messenger. This was hell for me because I would often see her as "online x minutes ago" but I almost never got a message from her in that time.
A couple of days later I was tired of waiting so asked if she already knew if she could meet up. She told me she had to be in my neighborhood as she was meeting up with friends so she could go grab a bite before that.
Nothing had happened on the 1st and 2nd date, we're both pretty shy and insecure. I really wanted to kiss her so on the 3rd date we went to sit on a bench near the water. I put my arm on the bench behind her and she leaned on it bit. She didn't move closer but we were sitting pretty close already as our legs were touching. She touched my leg once with her hand while talking and laughed a lot. I still was afraid to kiss her, so didn't make a move. While we were walking back to the station for her to catch a train, I grabbed her hand and asked if that was okay. She said yes very shyly and then stroked my hand with her thumb for a bit. We didn't kiss goodbye because she had to run for her train as we were barely on time. I didn't hear her again that night, but she was meeting up with friends so I assumed she was busy and tried not to worry.
We chatted a bit in the days afterwards. I complimented her and told her that she looked amazing on our last date (she wore a skirt, heels and stockings). I didn't refer to the skirt per se, but she presumed I was talking about that and said "I'll wear skirts more often then ;p". Which is a good thing I think.
Then she had to start studying for her exams so she had even less time. We managed to schedule a date but a couple of days before she said she wasn't sure if she could make it but she was hoping she could because otherwise "she'd miss me for too long". She then asked if it was okay if she'd let me know something the evening before. She end up having to cancel anyway, but I still thought it was a good sign that she was really trying.
I asked her if she wanted to set up a date for after her exams and she immediately said ok and suggested the evening of her last exam, which was like 4 weeks after our third one.
I also told her that I was meeting up with friends in the city she lived in, so I could drop by if she wanted. She said ok but we didn't talk about specifics. In those 2 weeks before I saw her again, she hardly ever texted. We did flirt a bit over text and she told me she was really looking forward to our date after her exam, so that seemed positive to me but she also did not text me for 3 days.
2 days before I was going over to see her, I asked what time was ok for her and asked her address. She didn't respond to that but just told me she was really busy. I asked her if that was her way of saying that I couldn't come over but she said that coming over was definitely ok, just not for too long. I had to ask for her address again for like 3-4 times before she told me. She always texted about other stuff or responded to my other questions.
So we met up and sat on her bed, talked a bit and she was saying that on our next date we could watch a movie at her place and she was calculating the time her exam would be over, I'm guessing so I could come over asap. I also finally had the guts to kiss her and it was really special. She kissed me very tenderly, it was really nice. We didn't make out or anything, we just gently kissed. Then we talked a bit, kissed some more and when we said goodbye, we kissed again. I told her that I could come over again in the evening. She said maybe and that it would depend on how much work she had to do.
2 hours later she texted me that I wouldn't be able to come over again because a classmate had asked her questions about their exam and s/he was coming over. She told me she thought it was a real shame, but that her classmates always ask her these things last minute, she's the smart one in class ^^ She asked me how it was going with my friends, I responded good and that it was a real shame because I really wanted to see her again. I didn't hear from her again for the next 1-2 days.
Our next date was scheduled for two weeks later and again, she hardly ever texted. I was hoping she'd send me something after her first exam to tell me how it went but she never did. I left her alone a bit so she could study and on the days of her exams, I texted her good luck and she really liked that. She had a lot of stress for her exams and would sometimes message me about how much she was stressing out. I would try to calm her and send her something sweet and reassuring. She usually replied a couple of hours later or even the next day and said that what I had said was really nice etc. and sometimes used the kissy emoji with the heart.
In that time, I told her once in a while that I kind of missed her and that I was really looking forward to seeing her again, but she never replied to any of that. She just talked about other stuff when she responded.
She also got ill during her exams and had to skip one. She only told me when I asked her how that exam went and she just said "Doctor told me I couldn't go because I'm ill". I was a bit taken aback because I'm really interested in her and want to know how she's doing etc, but she hardly shares any of that.
2 days before our scheduled date, the day of her last exam, I asked her what time she wanted to meet up and like 7 hours later she told me it was going to be a tough one because she was still ill and exhausted from her exams and illness and needed sleep. So another date cancelled but this time she didn't say that she thought it was a shame or that she really wanted to see me or w/e. I understood why she wasn't able to meet up, but still, it sucked.
I asked her if she could meet up a couple of days later, this weekend, and she said she couldn't really say, which made sense because she can't predict how she would feel ofcourse... Still, this made me feel really bad and uncertain.
I was hoping she'd be chattier now with the stress of school and exams gone, but nope, still like 1-2 days go by without a message.
Yesterday morning we were chatting for like 5 minutes and she told me she was going on a trip with her parents for 3 days. I was taken aback again and like "What, you can't meet up with me and now suddenly you're going on holiday?" I didn't say that to her of course, I know that I was overreacting. She has a good connection with her parents and they probably just surprised her. It's completely normal that she's going on this holiday.
Anyways, I asked her if she wanted to meet up Wednesday or Saturday and she responded 24 hours later (= today) "Oh, those are really bad days for me". That's it, no alternative or anything. I replied and asked her what days would be okay for her but haven't gotten an answer yet, which is probably normal as she is skiing over there.
As I am writing this I get the feeling I'm completely overreacting and that she's really into me but still I have this nagging thought about the following:
- She hardly ever messages me, although I regularly see her as "online x minutes ago" on messenger. I don't see her active often, so I think she's usually online for just 5 minutes or something. It's not that she's on messenger the whole day.
- She never asks for a date herself and doesn't seem to put in much effort to find a suitable time, but does want to meet up. She's probably just a chaotic person and doesn't really plan a lot in advance?
I think these two things are perfectly explainable but I can't convince myself and they keep popping up in my head, making me doubt everything. If I follow my guts, I'd say she's into me and I just have to give her some time/space, but I'm prone to over analysing (hello autism) and have insecurities from my past. The first 2 dates I was constantly afraid of being put up or be "ghosted".
So basically I'm wondering what you guys think. Is she into me, am I overreacting, is it normal that she doesn't chat a lot? Or is she just looking for attention and using me or something?
I don't know if this is the right forum. I have autism myself but I'm unsure if other people with autism can help me with this...
I've been dating this girl for a while now and it's really confusing. I'm head over heels and having a hard time.
Apologies in advance for the long text, I just need to get it out of my system.
We met via tinder, where she messaged me right after we matched. After some chatting I asked her to meet up and we set a date the next week. In the meanwhile we chatted a bit via Tinder but not often, like once a day or less.
The date itself went really well, we really hit it off. She told me her social life was non-existent at the moment due to school and that she had cancelled on someone else that week. I guess that was a sign that she really liked me and wanted to spend time with me.
15 minutes after we'd said goodbye, she texted me that she had a great time and was happy to finally get to relax a bit. I had given her my phone number via tinder the day before, but she hadn't texted me yet so I thought this was good: if she just wanted to be friendly, she would've said this via tinder but now I had her phone number too.
I asked and we set up a date for the week after. Again some texting before the date but not a lot, sometimes I got nothing for like 72 hours. I like chatting with her but she's really slow in responding so I don't push it and just leave her alone although it's hard for me. I try to only text when I have received a text.
The second date went great too, we talked for hours, she talked about her family and friends, showed me pictures etc. We said goodbye with a kiss on the cheek while I put my hand on her waist. I texted her later on and asked if she could meet up again but she said she was busy and she'd let me know. In the meanwhile, I added her on FB (she accepted it right away) and then we mostly communicated through messenger. This was hell for me because I would often see her as "online x minutes ago" but I almost never got a message from her in that time.
A couple of days later I was tired of waiting so asked if she already knew if she could meet up. She told me she had to be in my neighborhood as she was meeting up with friends so she could go grab a bite before that.
Nothing had happened on the 1st and 2nd date, we're both pretty shy and insecure. I really wanted to kiss her so on the 3rd date we went to sit on a bench near the water. I put my arm on the bench behind her and she leaned on it bit. She didn't move closer but we were sitting pretty close already as our legs were touching. She touched my leg once with her hand while talking and laughed a lot. I still was afraid to kiss her, so didn't make a move. While we were walking back to the station for her to catch a train, I grabbed her hand and asked if that was okay. She said yes very shyly and then stroked my hand with her thumb for a bit. We didn't kiss goodbye because she had to run for her train as we were barely on time. I didn't hear her again that night, but she was meeting up with friends so I assumed she was busy and tried not to worry.
We chatted a bit in the days afterwards. I complimented her and told her that she looked amazing on our last date (she wore a skirt, heels and stockings). I didn't refer to the skirt per se, but she presumed I was talking about that and said "I'll wear skirts more often then ;p". Which is a good thing I think.
Then she had to start studying for her exams so she had even less time. We managed to schedule a date but a couple of days before she said she wasn't sure if she could make it but she was hoping she could because otherwise "she'd miss me for too long". She then asked if it was okay if she'd let me know something the evening before. She end up having to cancel anyway, but I still thought it was a good sign that she was really trying.
I asked her if she wanted to set up a date for after her exams and she immediately said ok and suggested the evening of her last exam, which was like 4 weeks after our third one.
I also told her that I was meeting up with friends in the city she lived in, so I could drop by if she wanted. She said ok but we didn't talk about specifics. In those 2 weeks before I saw her again, she hardly ever texted. We did flirt a bit over text and she told me she was really looking forward to our date after her exam, so that seemed positive to me but she also did not text me for 3 days.
2 days before I was going over to see her, I asked what time was ok for her and asked her address. She didn't respond to that but just told me she was really busy. I asked her if that was her way of saying that I couldn't come over but she said that coming over was definitely ok, just not for too long. I had to ask for her address again for like 3-4 times before she told me. She always texted about other stuff or responded to my other questions.
So we met up and sat on her bed, talked a bit and she was saying that on our next date we could watch a movie at her place and she was calculating the time her exam would be over, I'm guessing so I could come over asap. I also finally had the guts to kiss her and it was really special. She kissed me very tenderly, it was really nice. We didn't make out or anything, we just gently kissed. Then we talked a bit, kissed some more and when we said goodbye, we kissed again. I told her that I could come over again in the evening. She said maybe and that it would depend on how much work she had to do.
2 hours later she texted me that I wouldn't be able to come over again because a classmate had asked her questions about their exam and s/he was coming over. She told me she thought it was a real shame, but that her classmates always ask her these things last minute, she's the smart one in class ^^ She asked me how it was going with my friends, I responded good and that it was a real shame because I really wanted to see her again. I didn't hear from her again for the next 1-2 days.
Our next date was scheduled for two weeks later and again, she hardly ever texted. I was hoping she'd send me something after her first exam to tell me how it went but she never did. I left her alone a bit so she could study and on the days of her exams, I texted her good luck and she really liked that. She had a lot of stress for her exams and would sometimes message me about how much she was stressing out. I would try to calm her and send her something sweet and reassuring. She usually replied a couple of hours later or even the next day and said that what I had said was really nice etc. and sometimes used the kissy emoji with the heart.
In that time, I told her once in a while that I kind of missed her and that I was really looking forward to seeing her again, but she never replied to any of that. She just talked about other stuff when she responded.
She also got ill during her exams and had to skip one. She only told me when I asked her how that exam went and she just said "Doctor told me I couldn't go because I'm ill". I was a bit taken aback because I'm really interested in her and want to know how she's doing etc, but she hardly shares any of that.
2 days before our scheduled date, the day of her last exam, I asked her what time she wanted to meet up and like 7 hours later she told me it was going to be a tough one because she was still ill and exhausted from her exams and illness and needed sleep. So another date cancelled but this time she didn't say that she thought it was a shame or that she really wanted to see me or w/e. I understood why she wasn't able to meet up, but still, it sucked.
I asked her if she could meet up a couple of days later, this weekend, and she said she couldn't really say, which made sense because she can't predict how she would feel ofcourse... Still, this made me feel really bad and uncertain.
I was hoping she'd be chattier now with the stress of school and exams gone, but nope, still like 1-2 days go by without a message.
Yesterday morning we were chatting for like 5 minutes and she told me she was going on a trip with her parents for 3 days. I was taken aback again and like "What, you can't meet up with me and now suddenly you're going on holiday?" I didn't say that to her of course, I know that I was overreacting. She has a good connection with her parents and they probably just surprised her. It's completely normal that she's going on this holiday.
Anyways, I asked her if she wanted to meet up Wednesday or Saturday and she responded 24 hours later (= today) "Oh, those are really bad days for me". That's it, no alternative or anything. I replied and asked her what days would be okay for her but haven't gotten an answer yet, which is probably normal as she is skiing over there.
As I am writing this I get the feeling I'm completely overreacting and that she's really into me but still I have this nagging thought about the following:
- She hardly ever messages me, although I regularly see her as "online x minutes ago" on messenger. I don't see her active often, so I think she's usually online for just 5 minutes or something. It's not that she's on messenger the whole day.
- She never asks for a date herself and doesn't seem to put in much effort to find a suitable time, but does want to meet up. She's probably just a chaotic person and doesn't really plan a lot in advance?
I think these two things are perfectly explainable but I can't convince myself and they keep popping up in my head, making me doubt everything. If I follow my guts, I'd say she's into me and I just have to give her some time/space, but I'm prone to over analysing (hello autism) and have insecurities from my past. The first 2 dates I was constantly afraid of being put up or be "ghosted".
So basically I'm wondering what you guys think. Is she into me, am I overreacting, is it normal that she doesn't chat a lot? Or is she just looking for attention and using me or something?
