Dating sites are rubbish :-(

[Michael B]

I have been on these 2 dating sites Badoo and Pof for about a year and they are a con and there rubbish. I wouldn't recommend anyone who has aspis like me to join dating sites who are looking for love unless you are ridiculously lucky or look like One Direction. I spent so much time on them sending messages and always getting no replies back. It makes me upset when you send messages to them and you know they read them and they don't reply back. It makes you think is it because they think I'm not that good looking or because they are more interested in the ones on there who are the sort of guy's who can have anyone because of there looks. The only time you get messages are from the ones who your not that interested in. I deleted my accounts I might rejoin them in a few years time but I don't know the best way to get a date is to go out in the real world instead of wasting time cyber dating.

 

[King_Oni]

I wouldn't expect a lot from dating sites either way. People often judge on the most superficial and shallow criteria. And obviously, a picture is what counts most on these sites.

It's funny how some people state "I only got replies from those I wasn't interested in"... well, if you're sending out messages to others and don't get replies, isn't this the same for them. Perhaps you're the one they're not interested in.

For most aspies it's a tough thing I suppose. But just like anyone else you have to put yourself out there and seem interesting for potential partners.

My experience however is that if you can write up a great profile (without lying about yourself) there might be a few people that will respond even if you don't look like a model. Be captivating, be interesting. It's not something you can learn I guess, it just comes with you as a person and what keeps you busy. I reckon if I were to read on someones profile "I collect stamps" that wouldn't be really my preference to hang out with either (nothing wrong with collecting them though), but some interests rarely seem worthwhile for potential dates.

Also, and here's a thing to consider as well. What kind of message you send is important. Plenty of women get the same cliche over and and over again.

A final thing; many of these profiles are most likely not even real. Well, the profile is, but the person isn't. Dating online has become a crappy substitute in an already weary society where people are really cautious with whom they leave at a bar.

 

[Turk]

Hey Micheal,
Your dating site troubles, are not Asperger specific. I have an NT work college, who has spent over 2 years trying to meet a woman through these sites. The dates he did manage to get were 1 offs. He is young and fairly attractive and spent countless hours trying to come up with the perfect profile. The ratio of men to women, on these sites, is heavily against you. Rejection is a day to day prospect, and probably, not the best thing an Aspie has to deal with. Do u have anyway of getting yourself into the real world. eg sports, clubs, party's taverns etc. I even met an Aspie who did his washing at a laundromat, even tho he had a washer, just for the conversational practice and meeting ppl. Dont give up hope Micheal. Keep yourself circulating, where you could possibly cross paths of the woman of your dreams.
Cheers
Turk

 

[Ereth]

The thing about dating sites, I think, is that they're becoming increasingly shallow. You can even rank people according to appearance on some of them.

That isn't to say they're not useful in some capacity. . . you just have to approach them with realistic expectations and good strategies.

That said, I haven't actually ever signed up for one. The idea has always scared me to the core because I don't really feel like I would get much out of it beyond "You're ugly and fat" or "Show your tits." (I'm not saying that all my responses would be like that, but . . . having never been beautiful, I'm not optimistic.)

Fortunately I met my boyfriend on an entirely different kind of website.

 

[wyverary]

I don't think online dating completely deserves the bad rap that y'all have been giving it. I know a lot of people who have met significant others or, in some cases, fiancés or husbands/wives, via dating sites. It's a complicated world to navigate, yes, but I suppose it works out well for some people (even if that's a relative minority).

 

[Ereth]

Yes. As I said, Wyv, they're useful for some people, provided you go to the right places and use the right strategies in creating a profile.

 

[Licorice]

Dating sites are one thing I hear tons of complains about. It seems like they're a numbers game all around to find someone interested and suitable.

I tried them a few years ago, but fled after a couple of weeks. There were too many people, trying to figure out what people's intentions were online was too confusing, and there was too much pressure from all the dating articles, blogs, and magazines to do or act a certain way so as not to give off the wrong impression. I did talk to one rather nice widower with good taste in electronic music, so there's that.

The thing about dating sites, I think, is that they're becoming increasingly shallow. You can even rank people according to appearance on some of them.

That's one thing I hate. It's not so much a convenient online social setting as it is a "shopping market." I suppose it's an inevitable flaw of the medium, though.

 

[Sparticus]

It's a mixed bag and the adage "90% lie" imo from experience is fairly accurate. Some have met great people and had long term relationships including marriage. But the time investment needed to go thru thousands of crappy profiles, the lies, outdated pictures, shallow people & those looking for perfect people, bullsh*t you put up with, the non responses including those who only answer with"lol" & those looking only for money or sex make online dating for many an unhappy experience.

Meeting people offline in the right venue, imo brings a quicker & higher reward of meeting someone; which isn't an easy thing for Aspies.

-former online dating moderator, content creator, online dating marketing, data mining

 

[Drake Marino]

Couldn't agree more. I deleted my meetme not too long ago. That **** killed my confidence. XD The only thing I got out of that shallow website was a couple brief hookups.

 

[nowwhat]

I have a friend who just uses a really large and popular one to find hookups, and he is not wasting his time.

 

[Archer36]

I was on POF for 2-3 years... all I can say is ... stay away from it or it will destroy you.

First, I'm not a top model, i'm not a monster either ... I'm not a genius, i'm not stupid either ... One on one, I'm not so bad ... Plus I have a charming nice deep roaring voice. ... So I can certainly meet new people and date them.

However ... I sent tooooons and toooons of messages to girls ... I improved my profile, I improved the pictures and all ... In 3 years, I got maybe 5 replies and I met 3 of those girls. 2 of them we agreed that there was no match, and I dated the 3rd one for a couple of months and realized it was going no-where. But I sent hundreds of messages. Meaning I spent tons of time reading and sending message and asking what was wrong with me or my profile ...

This will slowly eat up your self-confidence and make things even harder.

That said ... POF can work. If you are good looking and patient, you'll eventually get something out of it. But its not worth it. I say that because dating is a number game. In order to find a good match, you have to meet loooots of girls(unless you are crazy lucky) ... if you meed 3 girls in 3 years, chances are extremely low. If you go to some events and you meet 50 girls in a year, you chances are waaaay higher. You'll meet one and you'll be like "man, i didn't see it coming" ...

So POF will work .. but its a highly inefficient method unless you are one of the rare very gifted good looking top-model perfume commercial dude.

I watched two very interesting videos on youtube at some point, and that convinced me to abandon the site.

The first video, the guy wanted to display one dark side of the site. He created a new profile, and put one single picture. A top-model dude, shirtless with abs on a beach. You could clearly see that it was right out of a magazine. He didn't put any info ... just one short description. He simply wrote :"Hey gurls. I like to party." ... Then he saved it ... within few seconds ... his mailbox started to fill up ... very very quickly ... and within few hours he had over 100 messages in his box ... from all kind of girls ... even the one saying "Single mom looking for a role model for my children."His conclusion was :"Girls on POF are all idiots." ... which is a bit harsh. ... I don't agree with this conclusion, but it kind of look that way at a first glance.

The second video, was a guy that was in the same boat ... so he decided to verify something ... He created a new profile and put a picture of a normal girl ... just a regular one .. not a top model. Then he put a short description, no big details and saved it ... His mailbox immediately started to fill up with messages ... like ... one or two messages per minute. His conclusion was "Girls are flooded with messages and there is no way they can read them all. So unless you are amazing looking, they wont even bother reading."

I don't think girls are idiots, but I think if they are on POF, there is a reason ... And guys .. well .. they just jump on them like if they are a piece of meat ... which doesn't help.

So yes ... There is nothing wrong with you. I'll never go back to a dating site. It is just a very bad way to meet a larger number of girls unless you are gifted. And since you need to meet a large number of people in order to find a good match, a dating site is very inefficient.

And since I'm really bad when I'm in group, it makes things very difficult for me. ... but at least I'm not losing my self confidence because of a dating site. ... you better just go to large events like conventions about topic you like and make tons of social efforts. At least you get to meet tons of people with similar interest. The first times you may not talk to a lot of people, you'll be exhausted and you might go home after a weekend with a cold because of all those nasty convention germs. But after few tries, you'd realize that you met more people during those 3 weekends than in you entire life.

That's my opinion.

ps: I should follow my own advice instead of role playing on Second Life like a nerd.

 

[3000 Years of Summer]

I'm not really a fan of dating sites to be perfectly honest. They're good for causal sex and the like but when it comes to looking for an actual relationship? No. Much too shallow. The idea of setting up a profile and advertising yourself in such a way just feels so... impersonal when compared to relationships that just sort of form organically from two people meeting in the offline world by chance. I get that it's not exactly that easy for everyone and by all means don't let my words put you off continuing your search for another half, but that's just how I feel about them.

 

[Sparticus]

POF has many more men than women. So women not only get inundated with messages & form letters but they get a large ego on it [so said by others.] When you are dealing with a numbers game you try to use advantages. Online dating is a game and if you understand that, you might come up with a winning strategy.

For most men, imo meeting women offline brings a higher % of connecting since their true charm will show more offline than online. Dating websites are a 2 dimensional world. For POF to be successful for men imo you need either a good job, be tall, be young, have great looks, money or a good rap-look rough like a bad boy. Most men 5'8" and below are ignored by the masses on most online dating sites [courtesy of my research on Udate 10-13 years ago.]

Online dating for men is a lot like Fund Raising-you might get a 2-4% response rate unless you excell in one of the above [youth is another positive factor.] Another extreme negative about POF [and I love POF for it's simplicity, website template, ease of use, the founder's attitude etc] is most responses will be "lol" or if you are lucky a half sentence or more.

Both genders need to realize up to 90% of profiles will be lying, might have OLD pictures and not mention severe health issues. Until you meet them walking on crutches that is...

When I researched E Harmony.com about 5 years ago, it was the reverse. Many more women members than men plus all the bullcrap mentioned above. Online dating works for many but can take 1,000s of hours of going thru profiles with old pictures, lies etc.

I was on POF for 2-3 years... all I can say is ... stay away from it or it will destroy you.

First, I'm not a top model, i'm not a monster either ... I'm not a genius, i'm not stupid either ... One on one, I'm not so bad ... Plus I have a charming nice deep roaring voice. ... So I can certainly meet new people and date them.

However ... I sent tooooons and toooons of messages to girls ... I improved my profile, I improved the pictures and all ... In 3 years, I got maybe 5 replies and I met 3 of those girls. 2 of them we agreed that there was no match, and I dated the 3rd one for a couple of months and realized it was going no-where. But I sent hundreds of messages. Meaning I spent tons of time reading and sending message and asking what was wrong with me or my profile ...

This will slowly eat up your self-confidence and make things even harder.

That said ... POF can work. If you are good looking and patient, you'll eventually get something out of it. But its not worth it. I say that because dating is a number game. In order to find a good match, you have to meet loooots of girls(unless you are crazy lucky) ... if you meed 3 girls in 3 years, chances are extremely low. If you go to some events and you meet 50 girls in a year, you chances are waaaay higher. You'll meet one and you'll be like "man, i didn't see it coming" ...

So POF will work .. but its a highly inefficient method unless you are one of the rare very gifted good looking top-model perfume commercial dude.

I watched two very interesting videos on youtube at some point, and that convinced me to abandon the site.

The first video, the guy wanted to display one dark side of the site. He created a new profile, and put one single picture. A top-model dude, shirtless with abs on a beach. You could clearly see that it was right out of a magazine. He didn't put any info ... just one short description. He simply wrote :"Hey gurls. I like to party." ... Then he saved it ... within few seconds ... his mailbox started to fill up ... very very quickly ... and within few hours he had over 100 messages in his box ... from all kind of girls ... even the one saying "Single mom looking for a role model for my children."His conclusion was :"Girls on POF are all idiots." ... which is a bit harsh. ... I don't agree with this conclusion, but it kind of look that way at a first glance.

The second video, was a guy that was in the same boat ... so he decided to verify something ... He created a new profile and put a picture of a normal girl ... just a regular one .. not a top model. Then he put a short description, no big details and saved it ... His mailbox immediately started to fill up with messages ... like ... one or two messages per minute. His conclusion was "Girls are flooded with messages and there is no way they can read them all. So unless you are amazing looking, they wont even bother reading."

I don't think girls are idiots, but I think if they are on POF, there is a reason ... And guys .. well .. they just jump on them like if they are a piece of meat ... which doesn't help.

So yes ... There is nothing wrong with you. I'll never go back to a dating site. It is just a very bad way to meet a larger number of girls unless you are gifted. And since you need to meet a large number of people in order to find a good match, a dating site is very inefficient.

And since I'm really bad when I'm in group, it makes things very difficult for me. ... but at least I'm not losing my self confidence because of a dating site. ... you better just go to large events like conventions about topic you like and make tons of social efforts. At least you get to meet tons of people with similar interest. The first times you may not talk to a lot of people, you'll be exhausted and you might go home after a weekend with a cold because of all those nasty convention germs. But after few tries, you'd realize that you met more people during those 3 weekends than in you entire life.

That's my opinion.

ps: I should follow my own advice instead of role playing on Second Life like a nerd.

 

[Sparticus]

Sorry women I tried to edit in a more fair response to include your point of view but I guess I was timed out? Women have an incredibly hard time finding the right partner because of many jerks, liars, men who right away ask for their phone number, men who right away ask for sex/talk about sex, potential violent men, fakes etc.

 

[G-Max]

OKCupid is actually pretty good.

 

[AspieSam]

It depends on who u are, which site, what your seeking, if your on the right site, u know accurately what your seeking and who'd be interested, and how seriously you take your membership or journey using there service. Most free ones I agree, are not worth it. But, saying all are, would be very unfair.

 

[superboyian]

I used OKCupid in the past and some other dating websites that I know of. Tbh, I don't seem to like the idea of online dating itself but rather go outside and get one. Of course my views would have changed over the years.

 

[Spinning Compass]

I knew a married couple who used to pose as singles on singles sites because each wanted to get a bit of variety in their life. That's one of the reasons I'm not interested in online dating. Not to say that everyone is like that but you really don't know what you may be getting.

 

[GoofKing]

Sadly I agree, I remember being on this one site for adult dating that had no moderators, so it was all chaos :/ The people there were extremely rude and childish and one had to ask themselves if the 'adult' part was necessary :|

Aspie Affection is pretty much dead and I remember the members there being somewhat stuck up and full of themselves, but there was a few great people to talk to at least ... Ugh I hated sites like Zoosk and E Harmony

 

[CloudDog]

I met my husband on Match.com.

Neither of us knew we were Aspies, but we both are.

We've been together 7 years.