Dealing with a stalker who has my parents’ full support.

[Metalhead]

A decade ago, I met an older woman at a mental health support group, and she decided to start clinging to me and driving everybody in my life away from me almost immediately. I had a movie group formed within this support group that she killed off by always complaining about the movies I planned to show until people there started saying they agreed with her just to get her to shut up. She once brought over hetero porn to try to get me to watch it with her, and that freaked me out. When I started telling her I was not going to be home when I had other people over, she responded by driving by my place and spying in my windows. She treated me like a perfect withdrawal only ATM, always begging for cash, for food, for copays on her medications because she was so foolish with her own money that she never had enough for her psych meds. I often told her to stop calling me ten times in fifteen minutes and to stop going by my place and pounding on my windows every time she wanted me to buy her a Diet Coke. It really was impressive how she managed to violate every single boundary I put in front of her within a couple of days after I laid them down. And my mother and stepfather kept on angrily demanding that I keep her in my life because of how unhappy she always was, I was her only friend, if I cut her out of my life I would be the most evil and selfish person ever, etc.

A few years ago, I left a letter on her door letting her know that if she ever tried to contact me again, I would not hesitate to contact the police. She backed off for a few years, but just a week ago I caught her spying in my window again. I am afraid to contact the police, mainly because a decade ago I called the cops when my cousin stole several hundred dollars worth of video games from me, and my own mother got involved and willingly lied to the cops and used my autism diagnosis against me to make sure my cousin got away with stealing from me that time.

This woman is pure evil. I remember once we were both at a store, I bought a couple of movies, and the cashier struck up small talk about one of the movies I was buying. This creepy stalker woman immediately interfered and angrily said the cashier had no time to talk to me because there were other customers behind us in line (there were not any at that time, but whatever). When I was walking away from that transaction, I heard her say to the cashier, “I am sorry about him, he is retarded.”

This is the kind of person my parents support 1000%. My parents have no concept of my boundaries either, as they have proven when I contacted the cops about my cousin stealing from me in the past.

It is like my family expects me to be a perfect doormat for predators.

 

[Aspychata]

This is a creepy story. l can already imagine a creepy screenplay and parents being complete idiots in the storyline.

Can you have a witness if she comes over? Who hears you telling her to stay away? Or record your conversation with her - telling her she is not allowed to come over.

 

[Rectify]

This is a creepy story. l can already imagine a creepy screen play and parents being complete idiots in the storyline.

Can you have a witness if she comes over? Who hears you telling her to stay away? Or record your conversation with her - telling her she is not allowed to come over.

Yes! Recording is a great idea BUT make sure the laws in your state allow it. It's not legal everywhere.

 

[Metalhead]

This is a creepy story. l can already imagine a creepy screen play and parents being complete idiots in the storyline.

Can you have a witness if she comes over? Who hears you telling her to stay away? Or record your conversation with her - telling her she is not allowed to come over.

I have friends who are willing to testify on my behalf that she sees nothing wrong with spying in my windows.

 

[unperson]

Had a similar but less worse experience with a frenemy, always sticking her hand out, wouldn't accept boundaries etc. I managed to get rid of her but she ran a huge smear campaign, very cunning about playing the victim.

Interestingly, others tried to force the 'friendship', on me too, I said something like ' yeah, you try being her friend if your so interested'. Let 'em practice what they preach, set an example rrrright?

 

[Au Naturel]

Walk away. Do not count on witnesses. Get a security camera and a motion-activated light that does video and record her on your property and staring through your windows. (Don't tell her about it.) Confront her. Put a voice recorder on your phone and record your conversation but do not be even slightly aggressive, let the camera record everything. See a judge for a restraining order.

Your mother is not your friend. She valued your cousin more than she valued you. Stay away from her. A lot of parents have zero respect for their kids' possessions. Both my father and mother thought nothing of giving my stuff away or simply throwing it away without telling me, even after I was an adult.

No friend's testimony means anything compared to a security-cam video. At best they are a supplement. Do not bring up autism. Do not bring up the prior incident with your cousin. It is unlikely they will look up your record since you are doing the complaint and your condition is irrelevant. Bring up her crazy behavior. She may well have a record.

 

[All-Rounder]

I suppose you live away from your parents. Because they have no idea shes creeping on you as a fact, unless theyd make excuses even for the obvious. If so, then they have no involvement with the case, as they aren't witneses, they just 'heard' different stories.

Creepers are very good at turning dear ones against someone, especially if the seed was there before, like you said they did with your cousin. Perhaps he was the one who turned them against you but they don't seem too loyal as defaults. It was a very easy task for her to latch on this weak link in your family's relationship, and she found they are easily impressed by self-victimization. The unreliability progressed by the cousin and maybe his family and the belief family can't steal from family and issues should be resolved without authorities could all have affected their trust in you, unless they just pretended your cousin didn't steal to save him from spoiling his record and being marked as a criminal. From what you describe it's because they didn't trust you, and think you made a big deal of nothing, and that is worse.

Your family ties unless resolved have a great potential to get in the way of finding your happiness and success in life. I don't think at this point they are resolvable unless they agree to family counseling. Otherwise they aren't to be let in your life and knowledge except far aquaintances if they can behave maintaining superficial short meetings with no depth talk. Which im getting the feeling they will take time to accommodate to, if they're willing to. They also aren't to meet anyone friend or lover of yours until they prove consistent loyalty and understanding, compassion and interest in hearing you out and helping you, prioritizing your needs.

Force them out of your business, avoid all talk about issues pertaining to your life or others, don't listen to them if they attempt making suggestions on your life, say that is private stuff that you won't talk about except to professional psychologists and your own friends because they have experienced her negative side more than your parents and they understand what's going on.

Your parents have been your enemies for a long time, and are causing you fear and inability to fight for your causes and safety, adding to your issues to resolve without being supportive. This is a crippling unhealthy state, but it's common with people who have been abused. Maybe it's best to cut ties.

 

[SDRSpark]

I seem to recall from other threads that you live with your parents. I hope that isn't the case, if it is, you need to find a way to get away from them ASAP.

If you don't live with your parents, good! Cut them off cold. Cut them out of your life, and do what you need to do to keep stalker woman from coming around (restraining order, etc.)

 

[Statest16]

Yes! Recording is a great idea BUT make sure the laws in your state allow it. It's not legal everywhere.

Where is it not legal to record something,you can record anything you want as long as if it's sold everyone recorded gets royalties.

Especially if your safety is at stake you can record someone trying to hurt you for investigation purposes.A private citizen doesn't need a warrant for that.

 

[Gift2humanity]

A decade ago, I met an older woman at a mental health support group, and she decided to start clinging to me and driving everybody in my life away from me almost immediately. I had a movie group formed within this support group that she killed off by always complaining about the movies I planned to show until people there started saying they agreed with her just to get her to shut up. She once brought over hetero porn to try to get me to watch it with her, and that freaked me out. When I started telling her I was not going to be home when I had other people over, she responded by driving by my place and spying in my windows. She treated me like a perfect withdrawal only ATM, always begging for cash, for food, for copays on her medications because she was so foolish with her own money that she never had enough for her psych meds. I often told her to stop calling me ten times in fifteen minutes and to stop going by my place and pounding on my windows every time she wanted me to buy her a Diet Coke. It really was impressive how she managed to violate every single boundary I put in front of her within a couple of days after I laid them down. And my mother and stepfather kept on angrily demanding that I keep her in my life because of how unhappy she always was, I was her only friend, if I cut her out of my life I would be the most evil and selfish person ever, etc.

A few years ago, I left a letter on her door letting her know that if she ever tried to contact me again, I would not hesitate to contact the police. She backed off for a few years, but just a week ago I caught her spying in my window again. I am afraid to contact the police, mainly because a decade ago I called the cops when my cousin stole several hundred dollars worth of video games from me, and my own mother got involved and willingly lied to the cops and used my autism diagnosis against me to make sure my cousin got away with stealing from me that time.

This woman is pure evil. I remember once we were both at a store, I bought a couple of movies, and the cashier struck up small talk about one of the movies I was buying. This creepy stalker woman immediately interfered and angrily said the cashier had no time to talk to me because there were other customers behind us in line (there were not any at that time, but whatever). When I was walking away from that transaction, I heard her say to the cashier, “I am sorry about him, he is retarded.”

This is the kind of person my parents support 1000%. My parents have no concept of my boundaries either, as they have proven when I contacted the cops about my cousin stealing from me in the past.

It is like my family expects me to be a perfect doormat for predators.

I used to attend health support groups, those peer lead ones, this is going to sound really bad against mentally ill people, I have depression and anxiety EUPD and CPTSD diagnosed although the latter is not recognised in UK its on my notes. Anyway, I think they were set up to cut costs and as mentally ill people by their very nature are troubled, some but not all can be toxic.

This woman sounds insecure to say the least. Maybe she has some bully tendencies. Porn would freak me out too if someone from a group got me to watch it. Spying in your windows is definitely stalkers.
Maybe she is undiagnosed narcissistic, dangerous type.
They don't respect boundaries, they breach them. This is an NPD trait, there is loads of stuff on YouTube about NPD.

I am not asking you, but maybe ask yourself, are your parents abusive, even emotionally? Are they dysfunctional?
Calling you those names because you are her only friend sounds like they are manipulating you.

Great that you left a note saying you would not hesitate to contact the police.
Oh no, a few years peace and now she is back, don't be afraid to contact the police, your cousin should not have stolen from you, the more I hear about your mum the more toxic I wonder she might be.
Siding with your cousin is also a narcissistic trait, they behave toxically against everyone.

Definitely call the police and don't worry about what toxic behaviour your parents will carry out, as it is false manipulation.

Sorry but one of your parents might be narcissistic the other the enabler of the toxic behaviour, they like chaos and disharmony and misery.

Please can you move out and go no contact from your parents, they will steal your soul and leave you a shell of a person.
Look up Doctor Ramani on YouTube I tried to get a link but an error message came up, she puts up lots of vids, I watched some today as my dad was a malignant narc.

 

[Rectify]

Where is it not legal to record something,you can record anything you want as long as if it's sold everyone recorded gets royalties.

Especially if your safety is at stake you can record someone trying to hurt you for investigation purposes.A private citizen doesn't need a warrant for that.

Oh, wow. It's not like that here. Where I live I am allowed to record - without the other person knowing. I know this because the police told me to do it a few years back.

 

[Lemon Zing]

You have my sympathy. These stalkers are pretty much mental, and never seem to go the hell away...

I have one, in fact. He even made an account on here a few years ago.

As I covered in other posts, he's an Australian menace who makes multiple accounts on Fandom and forums, just behaving like an idiot to get my attention. Also, that cashier shouldn't be using the term retarded to sum up people who live with autism. I'd not even say that in general this is a nice term, even though people do often say it when they're angry. They'll say such and such "is retarded", but it implies something that could cause offence. In the same way referring to people as a mongoloid would...

 

[Ursus Chainus]

It is like my family expects me to be a perfect doormat for predators.

I had a stalker too. This was a younger woman who I had a relationship with until I figured out that she lies constantly and then she waved a gun in my face. She had to give me her gun when she went into the hospital for counseling. I encased it in resin so she could not use it on me.

She called me at work, followed me and tried to trick me that she was another person online. My mother has no sense of boundaries and continued to talk to her (my mother did this with my brother's stalker as well).

I basically broke off ties with my family except for my brother. It was very difficult because I do love my mother but she really has a thing for psychopaths... both my dad and my brother's dad are/were psychopaths.

Right now she is with a garden variety somatic narcissist... not as bad as the others but still abusive.

I wish she would leave you alone! It really does not help that your family does this. It was way worse with my brother's stalker. Part of my mother's identity is the abuse she suffered by the men she was with (because something I call "the pattern" and her sh*tty taste in men). The stalker convinced my mother that brother was abusing her to get sympathy and my mom followed right along.

These days I choose my own family. I am slowly seeking out people who get me and my heart. I have learned to fight these parasitic people. There is light at the end of the tunnel for you.

Remember: set boundaries and learn to meditate. These things saved me.