Dear Everyone

[buttercuplols]

I am Lols. I am 29. I live in Cornwall, England; close to the sunny beach.

For my whole life I have felt different. I am sure this matches up with many of your experiences. As a child I thought maybe I was adopted and as I grew I felt uneasy about the rapidly changing world around me.

I have alway felt as though my mind is racing a million miles faster than everyone elses. Juxtaposingly, I have physically felt like I can never keep up. The world is exhausting. I need regular respite from it. I need a book, a cat, a blanket and radio 2.

Around August last year my anxiety and depression had peaked to the point I could no longer function day-to-day. I knew I needed help but I couldn't find the words. Inside I was screaming out but no one could hear. I took action to try and explain how I felt to the people around me. I attempted to commit suicide.

I have spent the subsequent months being kind to myself in order to recover. Trying to find positive steps to move forward. I looked for a reason as to why I felt the way I did. Full of shame, regret, bitterness, sadness and loss. I came across Outlook South West and referred myself for Asperger's diagnosis. I met initial assessment criteria and am currently awaiting my formal diagnostic assessment which should be in the next few months.

It has been a long journey so far and I am still a long way from peace, happiness and acceptance but I hope with all my heart I can make it.

Lx

 

[Judge]

Welcome to AC. At least you seem to be on the right track towards getting the answers you need. And a younger age to figure it all out than I did.I just went through most of my life thinking I was some kind of jerk and introvert. Now I know better.

This may be a good place to start. Lots to read about autism here, and be able to potentially interact with others who may have so much in common with you.

Cornwall...I soooooooo want to visit Port Issac some day. Became a big fan of "Doc Martin" though I'm on the other side of the pond.

 

[Elemental]

Hi buttercuplols Sorry to hear you had a rough time of things before & glad you made it to our community.

 

[Astroganga]

Welcome. I am 34 and at a similar stage to you in the diagnostic process. I currently live in inner London. Like you, I have suffered from anxiety and depression,including major depressive disorder, in the past. I managed to learn to pass for NT reasonably well,but over the past ten years things have slowly but surely started to unravel, and I have gone through times where I have struggled to function at all. I explored Asperger's years ago but had a few misconceptions about it, so thought it couldn't apply to me. Some of my ancestors came from Cornwall, the most recent of which was a man called Thomas Thomas (I kid you not), who moved from a remote bit of Cornwall to Sunderland in the North East, back in the early 1800s.

 

[buttercuplols]

Thanks for replies everyone. I know I possibly overshared a bit there but I feel like being really open and honest is the only way I can come to accept it all. I've never been to Port Isaac Judge, I'm not sure where it is. I am North Coast so maybe it's South. And Astroganga, I can totally relate to camouflaging and then a gradual unravelling of it all. All that method acting like an NT for years is bound to take its toll! I moved to Cornwall from Islington, North London in 2000 for a quieter life and more nature. I must say it was my best idea to relocate. It suited me down to the ground, although I do miss all the museums and libraries a lot! X