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deleted post: moving forward took community advice

Mysterio the ALL seeing probably could.

crystal_ball.jpg


But he doesn't do PMs and charges in donuts up front.
 
Hello and welcome.

treegirl said:
If anyone could please send me a message I would appreciate it.
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It's standard practice when joining any forum to post on the public/visible sections of a forum. That way you'll (hopefully) get more responses.
 
We can't help you individually. That's not how this works. It makes it very ineffective to help you this way, plus you'd have to read and respond to each and every individual message which gets tedious rather quickly.

You post your problem, everyone here will try to the best of their abilities to help you in finding a solution to this problem.

We get lots of problems posted here, mainly Relationship stuff between NTs and Aspies, or people looking for better support for and/or wanting to better understand their loved ones who're on the spectrum.
 
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Welcome to our board. I think by posting the problem you'll get some good responses from the helpful members here.
 
Isadoorian said:
We can't help you individually. That's not how this works. It makes it very ineffective to help you this way, plus you'd have to read and respond to each and every individual message which gets tedious rather quickly.

You post your problem, everyone here will try to the best of their abilities to help you in finding a solution to this problem.

We get lots of problems posted here, mainly Relationship stuff between NTs and Aspies, or people looking for better support for and/or wanting to better understand their loved ones who're on the spectrum.
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yes thank you I amended it.
 
I've just skim read your updated post (too long - it wouldn't even quote as it exceeds the 10,000 character count, all squashed together, so not a good format for me), and my first thought is why you're even trying to fathom this out?

Being friends with people is a chosen relationship. Why would you choose to be around people, online or in real life, who bully and ridicule about your weight (I think you being 13kg is a typo as you said you're overweight)?

Work on your self-esteem, set boundaries and get some new friends.
 
treegirl said:
(Warning: Very Long Post)

I have knwn this person almost 2 years now we had met through mutual online friends. As usual had a lot of things in common bonded through that. He was my support when a conflict had happened with close friends we all knew. He and I were first contacting through game then he had to go on a trip for 3 weeks he and I decided to share numbers so we could be able to contact each other. We were in constant contact as he was initiating a lot of it he would greet me in the mornings and we would talk at night he would share things with me and me to him. We would talk on the phone, text, he would share photos with me and such etc. It was nice I had told him that we had clicked so fast that we had a lot in common. We had a talk about if we did stop playing the game we would still be friends. He had opened up to me that he had told his mum about me. He had said that he wanted to go on this same trip with me next year. I had told him I would try and it would depend on some things.
He came back we continued as is throughout the year. We didn't get along all the time there were times where we would get into misunderstandings he sees things black and white but we would openly talk it out and it was fine. Sean is a irl mate they've known each other for about 9 years, has lot of issues w/ people he is mean towards them even if they aren't close to him. He was in a relationship me and my friend, Callum were getting close. Sometime S’s relationship ended S seemed to have a prob w/ me and other people in our friend group he would purposely insult them. C and his other friend Ian said that its Sean being Sean that he was only joking but other people weren't happy w/ it. Finally, I spoke to C to talk to his friend Supposedly, S felt that I had taken over his role in the group and that I had stolen his friend. S eventually tried to get his two friends to leave but Callum decided to stay. S threw a fit and left however still hung out with us. He has also guilt tripped C when he wasn’t included in somethings w Ian.
C has 3 people in his life who he calls 'friends' we talked about this as he has an extreme definition of friends at first he had mentioned that he had 2 which surprised me as he mentioned he wasn't sure with S. I asked him if he found that he was close w/ Ian who he knew longer than me and he said he was unsure I asked if he felt that he was close to me he said 'Yes'.
I had shared concern about fighting between us he reassured me all would be fine.
Now he knew I was overweight about 13kg (we shared pictures, videos and etc) I was open about it before but he started picking on me immensely about it and it was making me uncomfortable he rationalized it as joking. He himself is very insecure in his own skin btw. Said if S were here he would question why he decided to go on a trip with me. Which I found to be an extremely rude thing to say. He also started to be hypercritical towards me. Bringing things up that had to do w/ our guild and game we played and such that he kept getting upset. I couldn't understand what was happening I was there on a trip to hang out with my friend to enjoy the new place we were visiting and enjoy each other's company. There were times where he would just constantly be on his phone reading not engaging with me. One time, we had gotten into an argument which he started he went too far and started shouting among other things. Next day, I was upset he was acting quiet. He told me casually that we didn't have a connection and that we wouldn't be doing this for the foreseeable future. It shocked me the way he said it like was not a big thing. Shocked I said, if that's how you feel. He kept complaining that I was ignoring him whenever we would talk I wasn't I told him I was responding to him.
It wasn’t completely bad to me since I understand people don’t get along all the time. We were together 24/7 which I think was our mistake as he seemed to be someone who needs alone time. We stayed w/ my relative she even mentioned how well we got along. We talked I had apologized if he regretted having me come along. He said not to worry we did have good times just no connection. Night before he told me he was looking forward to his alone time when I did leave.
He still txtd with me while he was there. His return he ghosted me for a few days said that things would be a bit different. I thought he was referencing to him and friends choosing to leave. We still engaged in txt but felt like he had detached from me completely. He either ignored or was passive-aggressive to me. I had asked him if I did something wrong? He said no, everything was fine eventually said that he felt that the friendship was less. I asked why he couldn't give me an answer next day we spoke again he said he thought I was fishing for an answer so he gave me one. I said if he could be honest and tell me what he actually thought because then I wouldn't know. He then mentioned that this wasn't the first time someone had told him this.
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treegirl said:
A week, I was still receiving the same treatment from him another attempt to address the issue I told him how things have changed we discussed our friendship he said us being buddies ingame / online however this was strange as we had already met and he was saying these things AFTER meeting. He wanted distance from me, “its like if you have a connection with someone like in a relationship and then things don't work out and you still want to be friends” I said it was strange as we never were in a relationship he said think of it as a friendship break up. I was devastated I felt close to this person I trusted enough to hang out with irl and someone I shared so much with. Another thing that he said was he got sick and tired of me. He had expectations on how the trip would go but those expectations werent met. After he was still txting we spoke again it was the same, I was really upset & emotional about it I needed time to myself so I stayed away. He had vented to his friend S started really going at me with animosity. C started asking me where I was and that I was acting weird. It escalated as our other friends got involved they didn’t the treatment and many people had issues with S. They chose to kick S from their server I msgd S got 'plain and simple he didn't really give a poop about me and never would that he put up with me because of Callum'
We had one good day where Callum actually initiated asked me to hang out. But things went back to ignoring. Few long messages to him after, S wanted to kick me from their server C said NO one of their other friends had joked that he said this bcuz he loved me. Which I know annoyed him apparently he found it funny before our trip but after it just annoyed him.
Next day he asked to talk, he said I was overreacting and being oversensitive towards S’s behavior and that this is how people normally act on the internet. He said to cool off on txts he was the one engaging these things, I agreed and we left it at that. Later received in the early morning 4 msgs then final one in the arvo w/c he got mad I didn't answer
I didn't know anymore how to deal he would say something and then do something completely different!
S took it upon himself to remove me told Callum things which I found out weren’t true as was confirmed by Ian. C and I talked I apologized on how I had dealt with him wanting distance from me and sending him messages trying to address it. We decided a break from each other. Him: He wasn't sure if he still wanted to stay friends with me and that S was his friend in real life. He asked if I ever really enjoyed hanging out with him? I tried to reassure him I did.
5 days, no contact he msgd we went at it he said he found me very annoying I said why did he string me along then engaging if he was over the friendship? ignored.
5 days, txt msg he wanted to rid somthing we had btwn us in game I asked him if he was cutting ties after we agreed on space. Give time to reflect and cool off. He said yes but it would be less we would have the same issues. He claimed he was doing all this for me because of my attachment to him and bcuz I was hurt by it. I said do what made him happy. He asked me what would make me happy? I told him honestly I just wanted my friend back I just wanted us to be able to hangout w/o any animosity
7 d,same thing removing me I asked him what was happening if he wanted to end things with me, he threw the question right back at me. I said no. He was in one of his moods so I told him same thing. Later on saw he had returned me.
2 wk he had removed me completely from his social media accounts I didn't react left him to his own devices. Day after, I noticed he reacted to somethin I said in the convo w/ my friends. He then reactd to a post I made to Ian in thinking that it was him. Strange as we hadn't talkd for about 3 weeks. I still didn’t react.
Nxt day, he pm’d which I found weird since he usually txts me (I figr’d he had removed/blocked my number) he asked how I was, I told him I was fine and asked him how he was. Said he was having a good day in regards to his mood. I left it at that. After 2 hrs I receive the same question. I told him same but said I was finishing up work asked if something was up? (since he hadn’t spoken to me since) He said he was just asking.
A few days ago I was in w/ our other friends then randomly he shows up still ignored me. I went to go eat and returned to a msg asking me if I had unfriended him in-game? I said no, why would I. I told him that I hadn't removed him in anything that involved me. He said okay he just wanted to ask. Three days after he planned to join us me and friends acting like everything is fine without so much as an apology about how things were dealt.
I don’t know how to deal with this situation. How would someone interpret these actions? Should I be done with this person already?
I just wish he had an honest conversation w/ me before having this condition and how much it affected him.
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Quoted in 2 parts - I was intrigued why it was preventing quoting the entire post as it exceeds the character count but it allowed that character count in the initial post?

Perhaps this is a forum thing?

Anyway, the advice remains the same as my previous post. I hope you move on, get some new, kind friends.
 
Juliettaa said:
Quoted in 2 parts - I was intrigued why it was preventing quoting the entire post as it exceeds the character count but it allowed that character count in the initial post?

Perhaps this is a forum thing?

Anyway, the advice remains the same as my previous post. I hope you move on, get some new, kind friends.
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Yes, I've already cut contact with this person, I was just trying to figure out how all this was interpreted by someone outside. Thank you for taking time to respond.
 
treegirl said:
Yes, I've already cut contact with this person, I was just trying to figure out how all this was interpreted by someone outside. Thank you for taking time to respond.
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Positive step cutting contact.

Good luck moving forward and making new friends.
 
Hi Treegirl. It's nice to see that you came here to actually hear how other's seen your situation. Most the time, someone will ask for advice and then argue over it. It's really frustrating, because people here are very caring people and when they see someone being hurt, it hurts them/us who really are wanting to help. I've been here a year and this is the first I've seen someone say they took the advice and thank you. Thank you for that. No one wants to see someone else being hurt over and over.
 
Pats said:
Hi Treegirl. It's nice to see that you came here to actually hear how other's seen your situation. Most the time, someone will ask for advice and then argue over it. It's really frustrating, because people here are very caring people and when they see someone being hurt, it hurts them/us who really are wanting to help. I've been here a year and this is the first I've seen someone say they took the advice and thank you. Thank you for that. No one wants to see someone else being hurt over and over.
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Thank you. :)
I guess I value myself more really vs trying to please someone even if that person is someone I cared for very much especially if they treat me unkindly and I exhausted all efforts on my part to fix the issue w/ them.
 
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