As my habitually forthright mother would say, ‘Golden years, my @$$’. They had good health, a decent retirement, great medical coverage, lived in a nice place in the mountains where they were rarely bothered by offspring. Growing old isn’t easy.
As I’ve said in another thread, a few years back I suffered some sort of episode which I think would probably be diagnosed as ptsd. Coming out of that, I was aware I had lost a significant step during those months, never have recovered.
But some of my problem is downstream of self diagnosing as autistic. To find I had lived my entire life with a serious lack of information about people, sent me into a cycle of reevaluating every memory in light of my new understanding. Again, I haven’t recovered from that crippling lack of confidence.
What’s that have to do with senility? I don’t know. Oh, yeah, I remember. I want to be aware of my limitations as I grow older, should the Lord decide I need to grow old. It’s difficult for me to gauge which changes are senility, which are autistic and which are traumatic.
I can put a bill on my desk so I see it every day, yet let it go past due before paying it. I made a career of clear thought under pressure, but can now get befuddled by little distractions. I can rewind the DVR because I got distracted and missed a point, then get distracted by the same thing the second time, again missing the point. I have always been dreadful with my mental calendar, now that is worsening. I used to be able to recall a conversation verbatim, now I might have to think to remember a conversation.
I’d like to go on, but I’m getting sleepy.