Desperate For Marriage, But Apathetic Toward Dating?

[Moviefan2k4]

Is anyone else struggling with this? I made some very bad mistakes in the past, regarding relationships and intimacy. Its been years since then, and I'm tired of being alone. I long to have a woman who puts me second only to God, and who will be an example of Him to me. I also want to finally do things right with the intimacy side of things...not to erase any of my sins but to know I actually can have peace. I believe the only sacred form of sex is between a husband and wife...but these days, it often feels like a pipe dream. I'm 36, but the loneliness often has me feeling a lot older. I just want a woman who follows Jesus as the risen Christ, loves me like crazy, and is equally beautiful both inside and out. I'm open to love again, but my only previous relationship was insane beyond definition. Looking back, I realize some of our problems were due to my A.S., though neither of us knew it at the time. I have had so many problems with standard friendships even, so the possibility of a romance is both alluring and very scary. I tried both Christian Mingle and EHarmony; neither worked well at all.

 

[kris]

I've made some pretty poor dating choices in my past as well.. I've tried online dating and it's just frustrating. I feel like it's a game I don't understand. So I got a dog the size of a human instead.

That said, Have you tried going to any church events? I know social anxiety can make it hard to get out, but that would be my best suggestion.

 

[Judge]

I have always preferred making real friends compared to the all-too-often superficiality of dating. On rare occasion a friendship blossomed into something more. Without much less awkwardness and social pressures.

Rest assured, it is possible to have girlfriends without having "dated" them in the most traditional sense.

The one blind date I was ever on was simply a disaster.

 

[Vinca]

I can Identify with some of what you have said.

The idea of being married is very appealing, but the practicalities of actually getting from where I am at the moment in life, to that point, seem like and mountain that is impossible to climb.

My day-to-day life involves a lot of challenges as it is, when I think about what even just going on a date would involve I feel completely overwhelmed.

When I hear pastors/preachers mention their experiences or giving advice about being single and wanting to be married I take it on board in the hope that it will help me through my current circumstance. Some of the advice is as follows

- use the time that you are single to focus on your relationship with God. Being in a relationship/married does take up more of a person's time, so it can leave less time to spend on the Christian disciplines, eg prayer and readin gthe bible.
- Start praying for/asking God for a wife/husband - tell him what qualities you would like in your wife/husband
- Psalm 37:4 says "Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." So, delight in who God is and what He has done for you. The greatest thing that God has done for us is to have sent Jesus to die for us and pay the price for our sins - we can't thank Him enough for that.
-Ask God to prepare you and do what He needs to in your heart and life in preperation for being married.
-Look up scripture to encourage yourself with

I do find myself creating a really long list of all the reasons why finding someone, everything involved in getting to the point of being married and everything involved in actually being married will be ridiculously difficult or impossible but it's common for believers to face situations that they aren't able to 'fix' or 'control' and to have needs that they aren't able to meet in their own strength but Jesus is the source of everything that we need (John 14:6 and 1 John5:11) and His death on the Cross paid the price for us to be able to recieve, by grace through faith, from God what we have need of. So, well, be encounraged that no matter how things seem in the natural, God is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think.

 

[AngieBeara]

Blind dates dont work and dating dont work and relationships dont work for me either something tells me that they really will miss out on a really good person which is me, That is why I say I rather date an Aspie to Aspie. So we kno wat we all are going through Aspies Know Aspies. Others see me as someone with a disease or think the word Aspie is retarded but it isn't. Aspie is actually quite intelligent humans. Dating dont work out for me. Also looking for marriage as well.

 

[Full Steam]

Just remember it only takes a single, chance meeting and what seems so far might be very close.

Desperation needs to be got rid of some how though. People can smell it.

I'm feel uneasy giving advice as I'm no expert. I dated bad matches for a long time before meeting my wife. She is stable and a great person, and nothing like the exciting bunny boilers I was used to,and I initially thought she wasn't my type.

I seem to have over blown expectation of relationships and I need to keep a tight reign on myself.

I would probably look for shared interest situations that allow you to meet small numbers of people at a time. That may sound hard, but it will exist some how.

E.g: work for a charity collecting for them.

 

[nowwhat]

An individual being desperate for marriage is a very bad idea, and will almost certainly lead to two people being desperate to be single again. Now, if you meet someone and find yourself desiring more than anything to spend the resut of your life with them, marriage would be an idea to take a look at.

I see we share faith. Trust Him with this, wholly and completely.

 

[Full Steam]

I would also think about concentrating on one little step at a time.

Don't think like "I'm trying to find someone to marry", think I'm trying to find other people to connect with.

Same way you eat an elephant - one bite at a time.

It's far to big to aim for the big goal, but small chunks are easy.

 

[tw3]

Proverbs 18:24 (KJV)
A man [that hath] friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend [that] sticketh closer than a brother.

Reach out to people in need.
Smile all the time at everyone.
Join a group ministry that does something.
Be casual. Be nice. Be polite.
Your first goal is to win friends.
People will be your friend if you help them some way, not with money.

You patiently build a network of friends who like you because you helped them. At the right time, God will answer your prayer. He may use use your friends in some way.

As you go about serving others in the name of Christ, sharing the gospel, and praying for others, God will likely answer your prayer in a way that will bless you greatly.

 

[puzzlingbill]

My wife and I connected because we shared a passion for something. In our case it was music, but it could be anything. If you have a shared passion you have reason to work out the differences and make a relationship work. If you think of it as connecting with someone who shares an interest rather than finding your spouse, it could be easier to do. You might end up with a friend instead of a spouse but that's good too.

 

[Rich Gray]

What about match-makers? Do they have those, or is it only a thing you see on television?

 

[Mia]

Most of what you've written here is part of the problem I would think. You have said I want this and I want that, or perhaps I am entitled and deserve this. I want someone to love me.

Nowhere do you mention anything about loving another person, it all seems to be only about you. Any female who read this would run the other way relatively quickly. They would instantly recognize how one-sided your search is.