Developing friendships

[birdz6]

What is the best way to develop one's friendships to make them better?

 

[Ylva]

Read books about body language. It's not as straight-forward as Greek or Latin, but it helps to know more about it.

 

[Ste11aeres]

It depends on the friend.
Get to know their style of expressing and recognizing affection. I recommend the 'Five Love Languages' books by Gary Chapman. (You can take a look without buying through Amazon's 'click to Look INside' feature The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts: Gary D Chapman: 9780802473158: Amazon.com: Books)

 

[Ereth]

I don't think there is a single "best way," but communication is key.

 

[Historianthomas]

There is not a single "best way," but I would say communication and show how much you care about your friend. Caring could mean giving a hug, listening when your friend has a problem, giving a card on his/her birthday, etc. Last night, my best friend and her boyfriend treated me for a birthday dinner. I really appreciate not just the food, but how much she wanted to spend time with me. At the conclusion of our dinner and when we were about to leave, my best friend gave me a long hug and thanked me for all the time I was there for her. For the times when she was sad and depressed, and I tried to cheered her up with a card or simply just listening to her. I have learned so much about what a friendship truly is since I met her. While it is sometimes tough to be friends with her since she is so scattered brained and moody, I know deep down she cares. She taught me that friendship is also about trust. If you can't trust your friend, then the friendship will soon die.

 

[Christian T]

It might sound corny, but, in addition to what's already been said, I think that just being yourself around your friend is the best thing to do. It's part of the trust thing - if you're feeling sad, be sad; if you're genuinely happy, be happy; if you're angry or frustrated, don't be afraid to show it. I have destroyed so many of my friendships because I always felt the need to act happy, jovial and witty, even if I couldn't think of anything to say that was actually funny or if I wasn't in the mood. Apart from caring for and looking out for your friend, friendship should really be an effortless and natural thing. Unfortunately, it took me a very long time to stop treating interactions with friends like job interviews.

 

[Historianthomas]

Friendship should be effortless and natural. But for people like me with friendship anxiety, developing friendships are anything but effortless and natural. After a lot of work, a lot of soul searching, a lot of tears, and help from my girlfriend and my best friend, I am starting to feel more at ease and confident in my friendship. I know I have a lot more work to do on it, and hopefully continue counseling this year.

 

[Ereth]

No friendships are effortless. That goes for anybody and everybody.

 

[Christian T]

I really meant to say that interactions with friends should be effortless, as in you shouldn't be making any conscious effort to appear a certain way in front of them. Of course you need to put effort into thinking of your friend, looking out for them, understanding them and keeping in contact with them, and creating a friendship certainly takes a great deal of effort. However, friendships that require you to consistently put on an act are not worth maintaining and are bound to fail very quickly. Real friends are willing to accept your idiosyncrasies and imperfections.