developmental delay experience

[flapdragon1]

so i'm on the spectrum, but i grew up with some kind of separate undiagnosable developmental disability. i was always behind socially and cognitively. in my 20's i could barely function as a person, couldn't process information or hold down a basic job or make any good decisions about anything. but there was a gradual steady improvement as i got older and around 30 my brain finally 'caught up' and now i'm completely normal and everything's fine, and my life is great. occasionally i'll do something short sighted that feels connected to what i had, but it's always little insignificant things -- nothing that affects my life on any real level.

the way i described it to my therapist is that there was a fog in my brain and i just had to wait for it to clear up. even at my lowest point i knew intuitively it was improving and it would get better at some point. my therapist doesn't really have an answer, except that some people's brains grow at a slower pace, and maybe there was a delay but there's no real medical term for it. i had another therapist tell me i'd probably never get an answer, and i just have to accept that.

i feel like with 'developmental disabilities', that term usually describes someone who starts off cognitively behind, and while there might be improvements, it usually lasts their whole life, and it doesn't just disappear completely. i'm just wondering if there are other examples of this with other people or if there's any literature about it. it's frustrating because i feel like i'm completely alone in this and i've never heard of it happening to anyone else. i am on the spectrum, but i don't feel like that explains how there was literally a delay with my intelligence and then it just caught up.

 

[Angular Chap]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

Just after my diagnosis, I attended an autism webinar hosted by the clinic that diagnosed me.
The clinician talked about something like this, he called it “non-linear development” and “punctuated development.”

Many autistic people reach their life development milestones in an almost random order, at different times, at different rates, at a different pace and with obvious borders and gaps between each milestone, whereas people who are not autistic generally have a smoother and more measured development profile that follows a path at a steady pace and has less gaps and less obvious borders.

Another example was an autistic person might learn to read, write and talk at a much higher level than their peers before they even start school, but then not get a job until their 30s and not have their first relationship until their 40s.

 

[Xinyta]

Glad to have you with us, @flapdragon1

How Autism affects people is generally varied. There are common factors and more often, than not, common experience. But no one will be exactly the same.

I do relate to the brain fog experience. Though mine is largely trama related, than solely due to ASD or a general developmental disability. Though it plays a factor. Namely because I had a very... 'interesting' life, to put ot lightly, growing up. Though when I started living with my stepmother and Dad at 6 or 7 years old. That was when I had all my issues with life and school. My stepmother is a very unpleasant person and my Dad is generally absent in my life. I handled it poorly of course and shut myself out from them, and the world.

I couldn't focus in school or in homework. I only felt the most joyful in my world of videogames and YouTube. I was on messengers. I was a mess, as a kid.

The point being though. Anxeity is the crux of alot of it, for me. A mix of Autism and trama. Which created a cavalcade of issues for me. Depression, GAD(Generalized Anxiety Disorder), Psychosis/Schizophrenia, and possibly even Alexithyma.

I don't know if this helps any. But I hope you can find what you are looking for. You are amoungst friends here and we are happy to help with anything you are unsure about.

You have a neat username, by the way.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Welcome to the forum.

I worked with people with a wide range of developmental disabilities and I saw many examples of people whose lives improved and who learned new skills, mostly when they were given the supports and opportunities to make that change.

My limited understanding of the autistic brain is that there is a plethora of alternate "wirings", with different causes and are individual. One of the simplist explanations is that we are slower to develop socially. But that is too simple and does not explain much of what we experience.

The answer to your question is that we just don't know yet.

I think if you take some time with this forum, and read some of the literature suggested by Neonatal RRT, you can begin to get an understanding sufficient to settle your mind about this question so that you can move forward in your life, in positive ways, that you may not even be aware of yet.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I do not think your experience is uncommon for us. While diagnosed late in life it is evident that as a teen and young adult I was profoundly, socially immature. I remember wanting to belong yet never knowing how to act, and continually puzzled by how easily others socialized. I was unable to communicate socially and so was left outside looking in. Dating was beyond my capabilities. The only thing that was positive in my life then was my research (published) and learning how to live independently. I only started maturing when I finally had the resources to follow my interests. That gave me confidence in myself and I was finally able to be vulnerable to another in order to date. Finally I was enjoying life and from that foundation of being happy with myself I started studying and practicing social communication and finally a good woman was interested in me. But that did not happen until I was 28. Still, social maturity was required for our relationship to be successful.

I think part of that work to embrace myself and mature socially was that my autism was not recognized. No concessions were made for my deficiencies and so I needed to be self-sufficient if I wanted to reach goals, social or otherwise. I do not think that is exceptional for those of us coming of age in the 60s and 70s when we realized that if we wanted things in life we had to provide them ourselves.

 

[flapdragon1]

I do not think your experience is uncommon for us. While diagnosed late in life it is evident that as a teen and young adult I was profoundly, socially immature. I remember wanting to belong yet never knowing how to act, and continually puzzled by how easily others socialized. I was unable to communicate socially and so was left outside looking in. Dating was beyond my capabilities. The only thing that was positive in my life then was my research (published) and learning how to live independently. I only started maturing when I finally had the resources to follow my interests. That gave me confidence in myself and I was finally able to be vulnerable to another in order to date. Finally I was enjoying life and from that foundation of being happy with myself I started studying and practicing social communication and finally a good woman was interested in me. But that did not happen until I was 28. Still, social maturity was required for our relationship to be successful.

I think part of that work to embrace myself and mature socially was that my autism was not recognized. No concessions were made for my deficiencies and so I needed to be self-sufficient if I wanted to reach goals, social or otherwise. I do not think that is exceptional for those of us coming of age in the 60s and 70s when we realized that if we wanted things in life we had to provide them ourselves.

my experience was similar. i caught up late started dating and having a life in my late 20's too. i guess the biggest difference is that the problems i had weren't just social, they were intellectual too, which makes me think there was something else going on that was separate from my autism.