...But I had problems that started in high school, and to a way lesser extent, before that. I went to a tiny religious private school for elementary school where I was generally fine, but may have been naive as to how public school worked, and I went to a public middle school where I was able to accomplish some things like being part of student government and extending the school dance (I wasn't into politics, but from a religious perspective I thought the school dance should be extended so I could go. I am from a fairly traditional religious family, almost orthodox), but it was also when I first did not make honor roll. Realized I had various issues like epilepsy and learning disabilities but I definitely got blamed for being lazy too.
My ASD problems really started in high school. My first high school, a public school which my middle school fed into, was not able to accommodate me academically but I also had some social problems although I really wasn't looked at as weird or naive, but given the school couldn't accommodate me, I switched to a smaller public high school out of my district. I got bullied terribly there. From what my therapists said at the time, I wanted an invitation to the cool crowd, but the cool crowd was being so mean to me. I did sound weird like there was some comment made to me like, "In x situation wouldn't you be worried about being raped or killed?" and I think I said no which makes me do a face palm now. I also remember being asked, "Why do you sit here? We make fun of you!" I thought I was being invited to the cool crowd. There was also some joke about toilet scum I made and some guy was like that's so gross! Why would you even say that?! I honestly didn't think my joke was that bad, but I also felt pressure to be cool and tell jokes because I knew at some level I was being bullied. My sense of what was going on was way off. I knew I was the new girl and that I was taking anticonvulsant medicine.
Eventually my new public school said they could not accommodate me either and I am welcome back to the high school after I am home-and-hospital schooled for two months. I didn't have to go to a hospital for this but my reasons were medical and tutors were hired by county. In the meantime my bullies (like the one who threw a cheeseburger at me everyday or the ones who cyberbullied me when they saw I was weird yet wanted into their group) would write on my facebook wall asking where I am because I was no longer attending school. Situation was worse in that I did go into school for my foreign language course where people had the opportunity to be like where are you, cuz I wasn't there the rest of the day and I came back to school two months later, so my bullying continued the next year and I couldn't improve my situation. I was even rejected for disability benefits.
My ASD only affects me socially it seems but I only learned the "right ways to act" socially from job hopping and meeting various people. Years later, one bully apologized over facebook. I told her I don't forgive her but thanks. I don't have many friends today. I currently have a good job and am finally going for my bachelor's degree in my 30's so I am doing well, but sometimes when I look at my goals of being a life coach or a parent, I get haunted by how I was totally naive and weird in high school and I wonder what kind of life coach or parent I will make if I have a kid. Sometimes I still wonder why the second high school (I ultimately graduated from) did not talk to me about defending myself before suggesting the home schooling situation, and why my naivete and sounding weird really only became an issue at my second high school. First high school was too academic and I was buried in my studies I suppose.
If I'm honest, I still want to be cool and liked today, but I am haunted by high school even in my 30s because of how I so royally messed up my "cool" reputation by just not getting the social scene. Also, how can I be an inspirational life coach one day if I know I was depressed and mean and even gave up on life at one point. Thanks for reading.
My ASD problems really started in high school. My first high school, a public school which my middle school fed into, was not able to accommodate me academically but I also had some social problems although I really wasn't looked at as weird or naive, but given the school couldn't accommodate me, I switched to a smaller public high school out of my district. I got bullied terribly there. From what my therapists said at the time, I wanted an invitation to the cool crowd, but the cool crowd was being so mean to me. I did sound weird like there was some comment made to me like, "In x situation wouldn't you be worried about being raped or killed?" and I think I said no which makes me do a face palm now. I also remember being asked, "Why do you sit here? We make fun of you!" I thought I was being invited to the cool crowd. There was also some joke about toilet scum I made and some guy was like that's so gross! Why would you even say that?! I honestly didn't think my joke was that bad, but I also felt pressure to be cool and tell jokes because I knew at some level I was being bullied. My sense of what was going on was way off. I knew I was the new girl and that I was taking anticonvulsant medicine.
Eventually my new public school said they could not accommodate me either and I am welcome back to the high school after I am home-and-hospital schooled for two months. I didn't have to go to a hospital for this but my reasons were medical and tutors were hired by county. In the meantime my bullies (like the one who threw a cheeseburger at me everyday or the ones who cyberbullied me when they saw I was weird yet wanted into their group) would write on my facebook wall asking where I am because I was no longer attending school. Situation was worse in that I did go into school for my foreign language course where people had the opportunity to be like where are you, cuz I wasn't there the rest of the day and I came back to school two months later, so my bullying continued the next year and I couldn't improve my situation. I was even rejected for disability benefits.
My ASD only affects me socially it seems but I only learned the "right ways to act" socially from job hopping and meeting various people. Years later, one bully apologized over facebook. I told her I don't forgive her but thanks. I don't have many friends today. I currently have a good job and am finally going for my bachelor's degree in my 30's so I am doing well, but sometimes when I look at my goals of being a life coach or a parent, I get haunted by how I was totally naive and weird in high school and I wonder what kind of life coach or parent I will make if I have a kid. Sometimes I still wonder why the second high school (I ultimately graduated from) did not talk to me about defending myself before suggesting the home schooling situation, and why my naivete and sounding weird really only became an issue at my second high school. First high school was too academic and I was buried in my studies I suppose.
If I'm honest, I still want to be cool and liked today, but I am haunted by high school even in my 30s because of how I so royally messed up my "cool" reputation by just not getting the social scene. Also, how can I be an inspirational life coach one day if I know I was depressed and mean and even gave up on life at one point. Thanks for reading.
