This is going to sound ridiculous so bear with me okay;
How do you tell the difference between falling for someone and being happy to have a friend?
What the hell does that even mean? Well, let me explain. I used to have a best friend and he died, I used to look forward to catching up with him and when he was a round I was happy. That was all; we had things in common and spent time together in a small array of venues. End of story!
Now, since then I have become well acquainted with another male and when I spend time with him I get excited because our similarities and preferences are always the same, we are exactly alike in our likes and dislikes. He has a wife and children so it was never really appropriate for me to be best friends with him IE; spending time at his house, going out drinking, that sort of thing. That?s also fine!
Right then, there was this woman recently, we spent an inordinate amount of time together, many long hours where spent talking after work each night by ourselves, when the fianc?e joined us we were almost put on mute, like our natural enthusiasm dried up but, of course we still had fun, just not in the same way. We used to make plans to meet up at odd hours just for a chat and I certainly looked forward to these times, to the extent where I had butterflies in my stomach in anticipation. During our talks I was only too happy to provide advice on how to improve her relationship with her man and suggested a few raunchy things for them to try as well ; ]
The thing is this, I have never really had a female friend before and I didn?t realize I was doing it wrong because people started to talk, they said things that made me think I was being inappropriate in my dealings with the young woman. She is 15 years (or so) my junior so I never thought I could make her mine, and she has a fianc?e so I wouldn?t even try but, still people talked and as I have not had a successful female friendship I naturally figured it was my fault and also my duty to investigate, so I asked her if there was any truth in what people said about us.
This of course opened up a can of worms and she must have thought I was accusing her of something inappropriate and so when no answers where forthcoming and when things started to go pear shaped I shut that friendship down! I don?t want to cause trouble for anyone and I certainly don?t need any myself, but the thing is, did I fancy her and didn?t realize it despite trying to help her improve her relationship? Did I send out signals I wasn?t aware of and were they reciprocated or was I just missing the ones she was chucking around that people said they noticed? Was how I felt physically an indicator I just couldn?t even begin to understand?
See these are things I wanted to have her explain to me and all I got was ?I dunno? type answers?
I have in my life had, so few people that I can honestly call friend, that I cant tell if I ruined things by not realizing I was falling for her or if I was doing the right thing and trying to maintain a friendship with someone who themselves was confused about what they want, or if it was all down to a whole bunch of people amazingly being able to say the exact same things even though they simply weren?t true!
I have to get answers to put my mind at ease, and so it doesn?t happen again, also to know if it was me or if it was her or if it was both of us.
I understand that none of you can give me a concrete answer but any reply will help take the weight off as neither the vodka nor whiskey work for me anymore :lol:
How do you tell the difference between falling for someone and being happy to have a friend?
What the hell does that even mean? Well, let me explain. I used to have a best friend and he died, I used to look forward to catching up with him and when he was a round I was happy. That was all; we had things in common and spent time together in a small array of venues. End of story!
Now, since then I have become well acquainted with another male and when I spend time with him I get excited because our similarities and preferences are always the same, we are exactly alike in our likes and dislikes. He has a wife and children so it was never really appropriate for me to be best friends with him IE; spending time at his house, going out drinking, that sort of thing. That?s also fine!
Right then, there was this woman recently, we spent an inordinate amount of time together, many long hours where spent talking after work each night by ourselves, when the fianc?e joined us we were almost put on mute, like our natural enthusiasm dried up but, of course we still had fun, just not in the same way. We used to make plans to meet up at odd hours just for a chat and I certainly looked forward to these times, to the extent where I had butterflies in my stomach in anticipation. During our talks I was only too happy to provide advice on how to improve her relationship with her man and suggested a few raunchy things for them to try as well ; ]
The thing is this, I have never really had a female friend before and I didn?t realize I was doing it wrong because people started to talk, they said things that made me think I was being inappropriate in my dealings with the young woman. She is 15 years (or so) my junior so I never thought I could make her mine, and she has a fianc?e so I wouldn?t even try but, still people talked and as I have not had a successful female friendship I naturally figured it was my fault and also my duty to investigate, so I asked her if there was any truth in what people said about us.
This of course opened up a can of worms and she must have thought I was accusing her of something inappropriate and so when no answers where forthcoming and when things started to go pear shaped I shut that friendship down! I don?t want to cause trouble for anyone and I certainly don?t need any myself, but the thing is, did I fancy her and didn?t realize it despite trying to help her improve her relationship? Did I send out signals I wasn?t aware of and were they reciprocated or was I just missing the ones she was chucking around that people said they noticed? Was how I felt physically an indicator I just couldn?t even begin to understand?
See these are things I wanted to have her explain to me and all I got was ?I dunno? type answers?
I have in my life had, so few people that I can honestly call friend, that I cant tell if I ruined things by not realizing I was falling for her or if I was doing the right thing and trying to maintain a friendship with someone who themselves was confused about what they want, or if it was all down to a whole bunch of people amazingly being able to say the exact same things even though they simply weren?t true!
I have to get answers to put my mind at ease, and so it doesn?t happen again, also to know if it was me or if it was her or if it was both of us.
I understand that none of you can give me a concrete answer but any reply will help take the weight off as neither the vodka nor whiskey work for me anymore :lol:
